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Awful Neighbour now I’m scared.

(70 Posts)
suzi57 Mon 26-Dec-22 20:04:07

My DH has always been good to one of our neighbours who is elderly and lives alone. He’s helped her move things around and in the garden for many years. We’ve been neighbours for over 40yrs. On 23rd December the door bell rang at 11.00 and on answering it, it was the police. They came in and said there had been a complaint against my DH for assault and rape! We were both shocked as there was never anything to suggest anything wasn’t right. He was taken to the police station where he was kept overnight and interviewed in the morning. He returned home around mid day on Christmas Eve on police bail. Apparently it is historical rape from about 10yrs ago. She has always been friendly to us both and I don’t understand why she would still want him to help her, which he has done recently if this had been the case. She has had mental health issues in the past and she has a drink problem. I’m worried sick that my DH of 40+ years has been accused of this and potentially could receive a custodial sentence. Not sure if we should consult a solicitor or wait and see what the police say when they’ve investigated it.

Callistemon21 Tue 27-Dec-22 21:02:17

She did say then that her SIL was a policeman.
He cannot have been involved this time, being a family member would rule out any involvement whatsoever.

BlueBelle Tue 27-Dec-22 21:16:54

Are you remembering those details from 6 years ago xallistemom because I can’t open the link to the past story

Sago Wed 28-Dec-22 07:45:56

Above is the link to suzi57 post from 2017, I checked this out before I commented when the post was new.
I do think this is a genuine post, imagine the stress involved and the conversations that must be going on between Suzi and her husband.
She probably can’t remember that she posted!
If my husband had had such an accusation made against him, I would ask him if he was guilty, that in itself would create the mother of all rows!

Either way it’s been a provocative and eye opening post.

BlueBelle Wed 28-Dec-22 08:12:50

6 years ago is a long time between posts that’s the only comment I ll make
The old one just fizzled out from a very dramatic start

Esmay Wed 28-Dec-22 10:16:42

Hi Siope and O ,

It is horrendous trying to deal with sexual and physical assaults .

There's a lot of stiff British upper lip with me .

To be honest , my father's care takes up most of my time and is my priority .

Yesterday , illustrated how my father fabricates stories .

I went to the supermarket to get him a selection of different foods as we'd run out and he wasn't eating his favourites .

It took me a while to get there as it was Sunday service .

I thought that he'd be pleased instead he launched into one of his tirades :

He's deeply unhappy about his age , his health , his grandkids ,the house ... most of it - smoking heavily ,refusing to do physio ,not permitting a house move or an extension is entirely of his own making.

OK not his age -that's not his fault !

When he finished ranting and raving about everything - he started on me :

I don't talk to him -it's all I did over Christmas and now the beautiful and expensive holidays that I arranged for him weren't right either .

I ruined them !

News to me !

With an aching head , back and knee - I sobbed .

I went to my neighbour .
She thinks that he's constantly lashing out at me because he's angry and frustrated .

This latest mood really kicked in - in October and seems to be almost relentless .

So perhaps it's similar with the OP's neighbour .

Terrible for them when they were trying to be kind .
I really feel for them .

OnwardandUpward Wed 28-Dec-22 11:11:54

Oh Esmay, that's awful and I'm so sorry for the cruel blame! You are doing your absolute best for that ungrateful man! I'm glad you did go to your neighbour's. He probably IS angry and frustrated, but to take it out on the one person who's always there for him is totally unfair. If you feel strong enough today, you could give him a few home truths and put him back in his box. He's extremely lucky to have you.

British stiff upper lip is very tiring because if we keep things inside they are heavy to carry flowers yet you need the right environment to unpack them so you can recieve the right support.

Callistemon21 Wed 28-Dec-22 11:37:58

Esmay does your father live with you?

That sounds intolerable.
Have you talked to your GP about the situation? You need some help.


OnwardandUpward Wed 28-Dec-22 12:39:18

I agree you urgently need help Esmay flowers

suzi57 Wed 04-Jan-23 01:43:37

Update on my message, the woman in question committed suicide on New Year’s Eve. Very sad end. No idea what will happen about the allegation against my DH now.

Hithere Wed 04-Jan-23 02:09:35

What a shock.

So sorry for the sad eventa

welbeck Wed 04-Jan-23 03:15:46

well as there is no longer any complainant, that is the end of any criminal investigation.
so nothing further to discuss regarding it i guess.

Wyllow3 Wed 04-Jan-23 08:33:47

Suzi what a shocking sad ending.

If you don't hear from the police in a week or so contact them if its still a big worry: It won't be high on their incredibly busy list: of you can't get a response, make a complaint/request review because they have to give an answer within a certain time.
its a benign process, I've had to do it.

MawtheMerrier Wed 04-Jan-23 08:38:18

Ah well, hope all’s well now.

Franbern Wed 04-Jan-23 08:56:08

Such a sad conclusion That poor lady was obviously having a very difficult time.

However, I was alarmed at people writing in their posts that no man should ever go unaccompanied into the home of a single woman.

In my block of flats many of us are extremely grateful to the men here who will pop in to help us with minor problems, such as putting up a shelf, or a small domestic repair.

What about professional tradesmen - carrying out work in our homes - do we not permit them in if they are by themselves??

OnwardandUpward Wed 04-Jan-23 09:14:48

There are plenty of female tradespeople. It's a bit sexist to suggest that you need a man to do jobs. These days no one no one needs a man for anything.

Franbern Thu 05-Jan-23 17:59:41

TBH when I am getting quotations for work to be carrid out in my home, I do not take into account wh ether the trades personis male or female or anyjthing else. Just how competent they are at their job and their costs.

I was complaining here about the very sexist idea that any man going into the home where there was female present by themselves was putting themselves in danger of being accused of sexual assault, and any female letting a man into their home,f or any reason was in danger of being assaulted

BlueBelle Thu 05-Jan-23 18:12:38

Sorry but I find this one hard to take
That was a very matter of fact follow on post Suzi

CanadianGran Thu 05-Jan-23 23:23:49

Bluebell, what are you suggesting?

suzi57 Sun 15-Jan-23 22:52:33

Hi, thought I would post an update on this issue. On 31 December my neighbour went missing. She was found on New Years Day dead in her garden. I feel very shocked and saddened by this as I now feel she had had a mental health episode and didn’t want to ask for help. She had made attempts before. My husband has had a letter from the police saying that there is no incident to proceed with. Very sad end to a worrying situation.