Son is troubled about partner stopping breast feeding

I feel so sorry for your sons partner with all this going on behind her back . How dare your son criticise her for stopping breast feeding , it’s her body and her choice , not every mother takes to breastfeeding like a duck to water . As to calling her tired and lazy , well , shame that he couldn’t have given birth and do all the breastfeeding that comes with newborn , how would he have managed . I wouldn’t think of saying anything to the new mum , my anger would be directed towards the son , he should be supporting his parter not saying awful things behind her back , after all , she is the one who went through nine months of pregnancy, most probably a very painful labour , to be able to gift him a child . How thoughtless & disrespectful your son is !

He says. shes lazy and tired

Perhaps he should do more instead of criticising.
It is not him who has spent 9 months pregnant and nurturing then given birth.

I'd be ashamed to have brought up a son who treated the mother of his child so critically and talked about like that her to others.

Now the baby is not breast fed perhaps he can do the 10pm, 2am and 6am feeds then his wife can get a few good nights' sleep.
🙂

and talked about like that her to others.
And talked about her like that to others^.

My thoughts exactly Bluebelle. Your son should be supporting his wife ThespiGran, not judging and criticising her because she no longer wants to breast feed. Him feeding his son by using a breast pump, is nothing like a mother having her baby at her breast.

He needs to listen to his wife not his friends girlfriend.

Hello
This has been a learning curve indeed. The comments on here although painful to read, have made me ask my son if he has said this to her face. He hasnt and has apologised for what he said to me. My son has recently been diagnosed with Adhd. There are also other issues he is dealing with. Just wanted to give a bit more context. This is a difficult time for all of us. As well as a wonderful time. There are mountains ahead to climb.

ThespiGran

Thank you so much for your sensetive and considered reply. My son has fed his son since the day he was born. With the breast pump. He has also told me that he is getting advice from his friends girlfriend who has two children and is in the field.
I felt very critisized by some women on here. But not by you. I wish I hadnt posted now. Its a real skill yo be empathic online. So thank you for your diplomacy.

Who has criticised you? The only person I have seen criticised is your son, and rightly so for the comments he has made. I see you have started another thread saying you have been ‘scolded’. I really don’t understand how you can feel that.

I agree with Callistamon.
He says. shes lazy.
Perhaps he should do more instead of criticising.
It is not him who has spent 9 months pregnant and nurturing then given birth.

I'd be ashamed to have brought up a son who treated the mother of his child so critically and talked about like that her to others.

Now the baby is not breast fed perhaps he can do the 10pm, 2am and 6am feeds then his wife can get a few good nights' sleep.

I never even tried to breastfeed my much loved and wanted 3 DDs.

They have all been fine. I have close relationships with them all.

I feel for that young woman.

Congratulations on becoming a Grandmother.💐

It must be difficult trying to breast-feed with the other Grandparnts around.
It is a learning period for all of you.
Babies don't come with instruction manuals for parents or Grandparents -so the saying goes.

That poor woman, thank goodness she has supportive parents with you two colluding against her. Her Body Her Wishes

It all sounds like a difficult living situation and we don't know how much the mum has been influenced by her mum, who may have 'views' on breastfeeding or bottle-feeding that she has discussed with her. Your son now sounds contrite about his behaviour and hopefully things will settle down as mum finds her routine and starts to get her strength back. Just tell him to be supportive as much as he can.

Please advise your son to support his partner. He should never be calling her lazy. Being a new mum is exhausting and overwhelming.

It's never always been possible for women to breastfeed. Before formula the rich got a wetnurse and the poor a goat.

What matters is that the baby is loved.

Not where they live

Not how they are fed

Please tread very carefully, new mums are at strong risk of PND and this judgement of her from such close family members could have a huge impact on their relationship, your relationship and her mental health.

I apologise if I was sharp in my response but I was truly shocked that anyone should even think that a woman who has just given birth and was struggling with breastfeeding is lazy and tired.

Tired yes - but lazy? Surely not?

She has tried but can't manage it so it's better for the baby to have a mother who is bottle feeding and therefore more relaxed.

Jeez I’ve heard it all now! Poor lady! My heart goes out to her , your son sounds very unsupportive. Your son is very distressed!!!! He says she’s tired and lazy! Well how about giving his partner some support then instead of criticising her. You are not going to talk to her about it, well I should think not, not your baby, but I will speak to my son, well I’m pleased to hear you think she’s a caring mum, I would be deeply ashamed if any of my sons found fault of their partner like this, poor lady

I'm glad that your son hasn't said this to his wife ThespiGran His apology to you suggests that he realises he was wrong. This is a challenging time as it is for all new parents and new grand parents too.

Just read your second post! It would have helped to know that your son has just been diagnosed with ADHD in your first post,as it reads as if he is uncaring hence why posters are thinking he’s not being supportive. Sorry to hear this, I’m glad he hasn’t said anything to her, hope things work out

There is absolutely no reason for a new baby to be challenging for new grandparents unless those grandparents aren't staying out of others decisions about where they live, how they feed or otherwise how they parent.

If mum finds out about these conversations, it could not only damage the relationship with the partner, it could easily all be blamed on the grandparent when dad says he was taking advice from a more experienced adult.

Tread carefully with what you advise about these things and how you get involved in AC parenting decisions and relationships, you may drive them further together and end up out in the cold yourself

Thespigran you're right that it's up to your DiL how she feeds the baby. I'm glad your son has altered his attitude, after you spoke with him.
He needs to support his wife, not criticise her.

Perhaps your son is unsure simply because he knows very little about babies. You can reassure him that there are all sorts of differences in baby-care and that everything is fine as long as baby is making progress.

As you say, it's her body. Maybe advise your son to be more supportive of the Mother of his child

ThespiGran

Hello
This has been a learning curve indeed. The comments on here although painful to read, have made me ask my son if he has said this to her face. He hasnt and has apologised for what he said to me. My son has recently been diagnosed with Adhd. There are also other issues he is dealing with. Just wanted to give a bit more context. This is a difficult time for all of us. As well as a wonderful time. There are mountains ahead to climb.

Oh it does sound difficult but everything will work itself out, it generally does

Given he shouldn't have told you anything about his distress, at least he is set right now and fully supportive. Well done him.

I believe I'd promise myself 'no more discussions about dil' and leave that to dil's mum. Son talking to mum about wife is not good, to my view.

As we often see here on GN VS, the challenge for some GP's is knowing the best way to offer help and support when a new baby arrives without being overbearing, especially with the first grand child.

It's easy

Never be a guest in a home with a new baby. Take lunch, make your own tea

Tell them no tidying for your visit, you are visiting them, not the house

Don't focus all your attention on baby

Don't have expectations about babysitting or alone time with baby, wait until asked

Consult parents on gifts for baby to ensure need and use

Give the baby back to mum if fussing unless mum gives you the baby asking for help with fussing

No unsolicited advice

Listen and support, don't side with arguments

Be grandma and mum, not a challenge

There you go VS advice for a first time GP should it be needed.

More common sense really