Son is troubled about partner stopping breast feeding

Your son describing the mother of his child as lazy because she has stopped breastfeeding is disgusting. Tell him to not to be a t*at!

Her baby, her body, her choice! No one else can dictate how you should feed your baby. Better to keep out of it!

ThespiGran - I'm not surprised that you felt criticised - I've just read this thread and it seems most didn't read your post which ended with your own recognition that it's your son's partner's body - an implicitly, it's her choice. People read what they want into posts, depending upon the axe they may have to grind. I'm sure now you'll be talking with your son and bringing the woman's perspective. Good luck.

Back in the ‘70’s in the days when “women could have everything” and when I had my children, the pressure was NOT to breastfeed, You gave birth, were taken back to bed and told you were not to get out of it for two days! They cleaned you up and the baby arrived with a nurse and a tiny bottle of milk. This was the Whittington Hospital in Highgate, London. The ward had 16 mothers in it, the only one who breastfed was an American who insisted on it. Everyone, including the nurses thought she was mad. My baby was a forceps delivery so I had to stay in for 10 days., rather than the usual 7. When I left I was presented with a “Bounty Box” and four of the tiny bottles of milk to take home. At a checkup with my own GP he told me not to use formula milk saying it was only introduced in the war because milk production couldn’t be guaranteed. He told me to feed the baby on silver top milk, two parts milk and one part boiled water with a teaspoon of sugar. He was adamant the milk shouldn’t be My second child, five years later, but in Chase Farm Hospital, Enfield, was exactly the same, only this time I was sent home after only two days. None of my friends breastfed either. Both have grown up disgustingly healthy and are 53 and 48 respectively. I can’t see the problem.

It’s 100% up to a mother how she feeds her baby. It’s nice that your son can discuss this with but you just need to reassure him that bottle fed babies thrive just as well!!
Grandparents have to tread carefully

Thespigran most people don’t read any subsequent posts it’s very irritating isn’t it ? but you don’t need to leave there’s been good advice as well as some harsh stuff take what you need and throw the rest out with the washing up water

It is mums choice and op has tried to navigate the situation gently. There is support available for breastfeeding parents. Breast feeding network and home start are both free and none judgmental. The government is trying to get women to feed past 6 weeks as in this country rates drop off by then. The dad may also be struggling with the situation, he may be feeling generational pressure from her parents. I hope the can both get support as mum may still choose to mix feed and support is out there . He may also be worried about the cost as it’s £12.99 a tin .

Being worried about the cost of formula does not justify calling the mother lazy

I wonder how much he is supporting her so she could continue if she wanted too

I can understand your son feeling upset that his prtner does not wish to breast feed any more, but referring to his wife as "lazy" is very harsh. Perhaps he does not appreciate how physically and mentally tired his wife may be. Breast feeding can work out very well for some but can be a nightmare for others. I had difficulty breast feeding my first child and gave up after about 3 months - and that was not because it was painful (which it can be) but because it just didn't work out. With my second child it was very easy, perhaps because with a second child I felt more relaxed.

I would imagine living in her parents' home, with the inevitable lack of control and privacy, could make it rather more stressful, and a stressed mum is likely to find breast feeding more challenging.

At the end of the day, it is her decision. Lots of children are formula fed and still thrive.

I am sorry you feel upset by some of the comments on here but I think the vast majority of posters have tried to be helpful and supportive.

It’s ok! Some more opinionated members of Gransnet have seen the OP off! She did say her son had recently been diagnosed with ADHD so it’s possible he’s become too focussed on the official “breast is best” official line.

My youngest works in this field and it’s not uncommon to become very invested in certain events.

What exactly is your son so distressed about?! Yes we’re told breast is best, but how many of us are walking around quite happy and healthy in our 60s and 70s who were fed formula? Can’t believe you haven’t pulled him up on calling her lazy! She’s exhausted, her hormones are all over the place and half of the nourishment that she would be getting from her food is going to her baby, if she’s still breastfeeding. He should be supporting and helping her rather than bitching about her to his mother. Thank goodness she’s got her own parents there for support .

The lazy comment was to his mother, he may also be sleep deprived. At least he is talking about it to someone. It takes 500 calories a day to feed a child so mums need to hydrate and eat well. Having a new baby is a steep learning curve, I hope this couple can navigate this together.

I gave up breast feeding after three difficult weeks. Dont worry that it will affect them. He was a happy, healthy child. He did well at school and University, is now 50 and has a high powered well paid job. My second son I didnt breast feed at all and he has done equally as well.

Her body her baby I’d wouldn’t never dream of saying to my two daughter inlaws about how or what to feed their children I’m just the nanna if someone told me when my sons were babies they would have got a mouth full lol if baby on bottle it’s team work

Mothers choice! If my husband had called me lazy over my feeding methods to his mother behind my back 4 weeks post partum I would have felt incredibly hurt and very upset, this kinddof carry on absolutely would make any post partum woman feel very unsupported - and after I’d healed and felt a little less tired I would have been livid. Your daughter in law is at her most vulnerable right now, though she most probably can feel this judgement. Tell your son to be careful, later down the line when she processes how unsupportive he’s been & sge’s not so vulnerable, I rather think she may have quite a lot to say about him to others - terrible husband might be the first thing!

I will be honest, I hated breastfeeding, loved my baby but just could not stand having it attached 24/7 so I stopped after a month but she grew up fine and healthy on formula as did my other two. Perhaps your sons partner feels this way also, has anyone actually asked her why she stopped breast feeding?

Agree !
And then you can get back to sleep as soon as possible.
As to lazy , not a supportive comment !

I suppose there are a host of reasons that may have led to that decision so for any of us to speculate the whys and wherefores is pointless. Sounds like the choice is made. There will be so many things over the years that they will both do when parenting their child that you may not agree with. Not easy being Granny sometimes is it!

I'd have probably sympathised with son that adjusting for babies is hard work for both parents but that the best thing he could do right now is to support rather than criticise. I would also kindly point out the wear and tear on a woman's body whilst pregnant and the continuing energy it takes to provide nutrition and care for the newborn.
I would have to balance my comments with my son so he felt he could offload when he was feeling at his worst with a reality check about what happens when you make the decision to have a baby! However, quite rightly, my son would not allow me to criticise his wife even if he was having a funny 5 minutes with her. He'll sometimes have moan about how hard he finds being the only driver so has to run his son and wife, here, there and everywhere but if I say something like, "I thought she'd agreed to learn how to drive," he immediately back pedals and says she has it hard in other ways so he shouldn't complain. Then I agree that it is hard being a parent sometimes and he goes back into the fray feeling better that he's been heard and ready to undertake his taxi driving in a better frame of mind.

Good post icanhandthemback with practical suggestions. Often a son or daughter just wants to offload about their partner and our role as parents is just to listen!

Thank you, Farmor15.

Apart from Bluebelle, has anybody noticed that Thespigran has left?

A very small percentage of women have insufficient glandular tissue.
Inverted nipples are not “deformed” but can make bf hard in the beginning.
A current client of mine had very flat nipples when her baby was born. With persistence and the help of nipple shields, her nipples have now totally changed shape 6 weeks later. It won’t work for everyone of course- just an example.
To those of us who fed their babies 100% with formula milk, please don’t conclude that your one positive experience is applicable to the whole world. Formula milk is highly nutritious, no doubt about it. But it’s lacking in a vast range of live constituents which are in human milk.

I think it’s a shame when babies aren’t breastfed. as obviously it’s the best thing for them and I think a lot of women give up far too quickly if they are having problems and they should persevere. If she’s already stopped there’s not much he can do about it, but he could have pressed the point that it’s free and they won’t have to spend a lot of money on formula. And so much more convenient when it’s so quickly available. I breastfeed my children for 10 months, 13 months, and 14 months. I thought I’d have to give up with one of them after three months because I didn’t seem to be getting enough milk, but my doctor told me to feed on demand. My daughter fed my granddaughter for a very long time and is feeding her 15-month-old son still. She said I inspired her. She had problems with both of them at the start, because they were tongue-tied.

sarahcyn
please don’t conclude that your one positive experience is applicable to the whole world
Where has that been said? For those who couldn’t bf, that sort of comment is really hurtful.
I’d claim that I did the best for my child. Your sentence implies that I failed.