Gransnet forums


Mistake of reading comments on Granset.

(69 Posts)
ThespiGran Sun 08-Jan-23 11:49:20

Been quite upset bt some responses on here regarding my sons partner not wanting to breastfeed any longer. As a new Grandma, I came here looking for advice. Im a novice too. But I was scolded. The WORST thing I did was to read some comments. Its the tone of them. Only been here two weeks. Considering coming off.

Redhead56 Sun 08-Jan-23 12:07:23

Don’t be put off by some of the responses that will seem a bit sharp others are more tolerable to read. Its mixed views isn’t it and often they are posters gut reactions to a situation put forward by the OP.
It’s a good idea to read the responses and take note of the advice from the ones that suit you. It’s what I did when I first came on here seven years ago.

mumofmadboys Sun 08-Jan-23 12:13:36

You are feeling sensitive too Thespigran. It is a special time for you too and you want everything to be as perfect as possible for your grandchild. Some posters are more forthright but everyone is trying to help. Don't take more abrupt comments to heart. Take away the comments you find helpful. Stick with us - on the whole we are a caring bunch!

Galaxy Sun 08-Jan-23 12:13:52

I have found throughout my life that advice given which I responded badly to was often looking back the best advice.

BigBertha1 Sun 08-Jan-23 12:17:41

ThespiGran dont leave. I didn't see your posting and any way I'm not an expert on breast feeding - didn't do it for my daughter. Gransnet can be a variable experience. You will find when you get to know some of the names the way certain people always respond and just avoid what they say - like walking past someone you don't like on the street. Others are lovely and you stay and have a nice chat with them. Like me. grin

ThespiGran Sun 08-Jan-23 12:18:00

Very kind of you to post back. Mum of madboys and Redhead 56. My lovely partner is advising me to co.e off. Lets see... Have a great day.

ThespiGran Sun 08-Jan-23 12:20:45

Thank you Bigberthal.
Although you might not like my post after youve read it. But I could have given more context. on reflection. My son has helped more than I could have imagined. This has been one of the blessings of luttle Arthur s birth. Have a great day

BlueBelle Sun 08-Jan-23 12:29:17

Oh gosh I hope my advice didn’t upset you I was looking at it from your poor daughter in laws point of view a month after giving birth
I hope things settle and you and your son accept that there may be reasons that she doesn’t want to continue other than her being lazy as your son told her she was
Take what you feel is the right advice for you ignore anything you don’t like but do remember it’s often what we don’t want to hear that is the most helpful

Iam64 Sun 08-Jan-23 12:31:38

It may be wise to get your comment giving your grandsons name removed

Smileless2012 Sun 08-Jan-23 12:36:56

My apologies if my response upset you, it wasn't my intention to do so.

TerriBull Sun 08-Jan-23 12:37:55

ThespiGran don't leave! I'm sorry if you found the comments off putting. Possibly, it's a common reaction for women to not want a man's "critical" input to matters that pertain exclusively to women such as giving birth, breastfeeding, periods, menopause. It's just that ! a trigger that is likely to elicit a fierce response. Giving birth and the aftermath can sometimes be a difficult time, but your daughter in law just needs time to find her feet and a routine that is ideal for her.

An anxious time for you, but in the meantime, welcome to Gransnet and congratulations on the birth of your new grandchild wishing you many happy times with him.

Kalu Sun 08-Jan-23 12:47:22

I mean this kindly, try putting yourself in your DiLs situation.
Just after giving birth, how would you feel if your DH and MiL were discussing how disappointed they were in you if you made the decision bf wasn’t for you?
The last thing any new mother needs is criticism, especially from her DH I think you would agree.

Congratulations on becoming a grandmother, this is our time to enjoy our GC allowing the parents to get on with parenting as we all had to do, mistakes and all.

vampirequeen Sun 08-Jan-23 12:48:28

Don't be put off.

I didn't see your first thread but I only breastfed my first child. It was like the milk was being drawn through my big toe and I had to pull it through my body. I struggled for 3 months and I have never been so exhausted in my life. The best thing I did for me and my child was to put him on a bottle. For the first time he seemed satisfied (full). I never even attempted to breastfeed my two daughters. One attempt was more than enough.

Callistemon21 Sun 08-Jan-23 13:02:51


It may be wise to get your comment giving your grandsons name removed

It might be wise to get the other thread removed altogether too.

I think posters were shocked that a new mother with a month-old baby was being criticised and called lazy and then posters reacted accordingly.

I presume this isn't another of those threads.

FarNorth Sun 08-Jan-23 13:03:08

Its poor advice to say, as some are here, to only pay attention to comments that you like.
If people say they think you are going wrong, at least consider what they said.
Running away won't help.

Riverwalk Sun 08-Jan-23 13:05:28

For the life of me I don't know why people rise to the bait!

BlueBelle Sun 08-Jan-23 13:10:09

What are you meaning Riverwalk?

VioletSky Sun 08-Jan-23 13:17:17

Sometimes we get posts asking for advice and the person who posted it really only wants to hear what they were already thinking.

Try to take a step back from your situation and read objectively... Your feelings might make advice against what you are doing hard to hear.

Some people are sharp or blunt in their typing styles yes but that doesn't mean they don't have your best interests at heart...

The best friends I have ever had in life are the ones who will tell me I'm an idiot when I'm being one.

I've learned to trust those who will tell me how it is far more than those who will tell me what I want to hear. Those who will tell me what I want to hear will expect the same back.

Truly... an echo chamber of our own thoughts reflected back at us is an easy way to never ever achieve any personal growth or improve our own lives and relationships.

ThespiGran Sun 08-Jan-23 13:19:05

Good idea
Thank you. Im such a beginner

argymargy Sun 08-Jan-23 13:22:00

Just be thankful you didn't post on Mumsnet!! Although I didn't see the thread I might have commented. While I loved breastfeeding and think it is absolutely the best thing for newborns, there is no way I would criticise anyone who chooses not to. My two DC each have a baby and one was breastfed and one wasn't. It is 100% the mother's choice and there are far worse things parents can do than decide not to breastfeed/stop breastfeeding.

ThespiGran Sun 08-Jan-23 13:24:39

I dont know how to. Its not giving me an option to edit or delete

Blondiescot Sun 08-Jan-23 13:25:16

That, unfortunately, is one of the dangers of posting on an internet forum like this. You are always going to get a variety of opinions, some of which you might not like or may even feel personally attacked or offended by. Some people can be quite blunt in the way they post, but mean no harm by it. Keep telling yourself that opinions are like a***holes - everybody's got one!

Witzend Sun 08-Jan-23 13:27:53

Please don’t be out off, ThespiGran. Some GNers are often a bit abrasive or bossy-sounding. Just ignore.

I do agree with anyone who said keep,out of it, though. I’d just tell my son that it’s not up to him and you’re not going to get involved. Breast feeding is often not easy, and especially in the early days, can be exhausting. Particularly nowadays, when instead of the 3 or 4 hourly feeds usual in my new-baby-days, young mothers are now told that they must have the baby almost permanently plugged in, so to speak.

As the saying goes, Fed Is Best (whether breast or bottle).

ExperiencedNotOld Sun 08-Jan-23 13:43:32

I loved breast feeding my daughter for 25 months and was bereft when her brother lost interest at 6 months once he discovered solids. But I know well enough that a happy mother feeding as suits her is the best for any child.
Some members of long standing who are regular posters appear to think their opinion the only ones that matter, and dole them out with little thought of the impact on others. Ignore their ignorance, no doubt caused by having a very small life of their own.

BlueBelle Sun 08-Jan-23 13:46:34

Report your own post that gives the baby s name and give the reason why
After your name date year etc on the top line of your post it says add comment, report post etc etc click on report post and when it asks you why tell them you gave too much info and would like it deleted