Suggestion how to deal with unprovoked abuse

Just a note to say I'm thinking of you Shortbread and hoping you are safe.

Shortbread - how are you ?

Are you both at home together now? If so, I think you should leave immediately. You are at risk.

I hope you’re ok Shortbread and that you have kept yourself out of harm’s way since you posted yesterday. Your OH sounds volatile and unpredictable, and you are at risk if you stay at home. Don’t try to face this alone, inexplicable rages are more than ups and downs, and now you’ve been physically assaulted and abandoned 25 miles from home - it’s not acceptable is it? Don’t keep it to yourself, there is help out there.

I e had a similar escalation of unprovoked rage
I’ve spoken with Gp and will get further social advise from a team member however all this takes time
I’m still not sure if it is dementia or similar starting up ( family history of ) or just ageing rage and frustrations boiling over
I agree it’s very tough to know what to do and my sympathies are with you
I was shocked by a similar outburst
I think Refuge etc can help you define what’s happening
It’s important to keep records and also as previously said get financial/legal advise

Hithere

Call the police, make a report, get a lawyer and leave

This...

How are you? This is an awful situation to be put in.
Has this ever happened before. Has it been esculating, more frequent verbal attacks etc before this?
Please do get some advice from a solicitor.
I want to say leave the house but I appreciate that this might make it difficult if you decide to divorce. Do you any friends that he could stay with or any mutual friends that you could talk to about this?
Please lean on someone so that you're not on your own
Weather this is a symptom of illness on his part, is irrelevant when it comes to your safety❤️
Could you take a holiday somewhere for a week or so away from him?x

Thinking of you shortbread and hoping that everything is ok. Do come back and update us - we’re all worried and hoping you’re safe x

Shortbread. How are you? Where have you spent the past day? We all hope that you have found somewhere safe to stay and someone to talk to who knows you both.

One way to help to protect yourself may be to identify what sort of trigger sets him off.

Has he a big loss of self esteem?

Having lived in a abused relationship myself for over 25yrs my advice would be leave don’t make excuses for his behaviour it might have being accepted yrs ago but not now it’s not love is not hurting someone and having dropped you 25miles from home that is controlling behaviour go to your doctors and contact police and ask them for help. You deserve better and you are worth more than what he is showing you

Report this to your doctor so you have evidence of an attack.
Consult a solicitor.
Has your husband made any reference to this attack?
You say you have had '50 years with ups and downs OT (over the top or Other Half?) rages inexplicably'. You must consider your personal safety whilst considering your future.

Germanshepherdsmum

Thankfully we now have no fault divorce.

Which my daughter has now implemented…

Thankfully we now have no fault divorce.

My daughter was in an abusive marriage, and was advised to contact the police, so that a record was kept.

I’m so very sorry to hear about this.

Personally I wouldn’t report the incident to the police, nor would I ask him to leave, as these actions may provoke another attack. It could be a sign of the onset of dementia but that doesn’t mean you have to accept being treated in this way.

I would quietly gather as much financial information as you have and consult a solicitor.

I hope there is someone you can stay with whilst you consider the way forward.

Please keep in touch with us. GN can be a real lifeline. 💐

Shortbread how are you?

I can only say how sorry I am and try and stay with someone safe.
If it has only started lately it could as been suggested early signs of Alhezimers, you would need to contact your Dr. to get a medical confirmation.I hope you are safe.

You must leave this abusive relationship no one deserves this treatment,have you been marked where he punched you if so take a picture of any bruises that may have been made and report to the Police they have a zero tolerance for domestic abuse he needs to know he can't get away with this kind of treatment.
Do you have any one you can stay with & as others have said ring Womens Aid and get help you do not have to put up with this awful life style get out and be safe

You have been assaulted, report the assault to the police, ring Woman’s Aide for advice, see a solicitor ASAP, gather all your relevant personal documents in a folder and put in an escape bag.
You should either ask him to leave or leave yourself, you are not safe. A violent unprovoked attack like can only, sadly escalate. If my DH behaved like this, after similar years of happy marriage there’d be no way back!

If he is frequently verbally abusive you would be wise to sound record what's said. I've just divorced a coercively abusive husband and downloaded a sound record ap on my mobile and had proof.

I did have the police round for abuse and went through changing locks etc on police advice BUT you need evidence to proceed with arrest and charges. One of the first things the very nice young policeman said was, "do you want to stay in this marriage" long before I had decided that, you need to think about it.

Obviously this is not acceptable. You must report to the police it is physical assault.

As others have said, is there someone you can stay with? He needs to realise how serious this is. No-one should feel unsafe in their own home.

I agree that you need to find out your options, but whilst it may be necessary to leave you should avoid doing anything that will disadvantage you down the line. If you own the house your rights will be different from if your husband’s name is on the rent book, for instance.

Obviously your safety is paramount, so is there somewhere you can stay temporarily, without officially ‘leaving’? Ginny’s suggestion above that you see a lawyer first is a good one. Explore all your options without rushing into anything, but be sure to keep yourself safe. Good luck- this sort of thing is so easy to say on the Internet, and so much harder to do, specially in later life

Well done on coping at the time with this distressing situation and getting home safely. I know such a big change is scary at any age, but especially so when we're older. Reaching out here was an important step towards collecting your thoughts on what you need to do now. It's not easy but at least collect information to help you make a decision. There is help out there as others have said. You should also look on the Government site.

www.gov.uk/government/news/new-definition-of-domestic-violence

Some lawyers offer a free first consultation which you might feel is a good place to start. Information is empowering.

Lean on friends and others here on GN to help you though the coming days and hopefully you'll a solution which keeps you safe. I also advise to take care not to allow your H to see what you're doing in order to make your decision until you're ready.

Do you have a family member you could turn to for support? Please get support as soon as possible from a professional body as this does not bode well for the future for you. Can your GP/Citizens advice offer assistance? Is there anywhere you can stay in between to keep safe. Whilst not wishing to point a finger, someone in my family became violent at the onset of dementia which put a terrible strain on the family.