Rights when in a relationship but not married/living together

She has no rights whatsoever and would be advised not to move in with him, not to offer care and not to spend money on him. His children will have the final say on anything. Would he consider a civil partnership?

I feel for your sister and can see how her long held values and thoughts have taken this route, but to be honest I think this man has been quite open and honest.
My uncle has a lady friend who values her independence, so the other way round from your friend. I quite respect her for it. She is a divorcee too and it seems that marriage was not a great state for her. They have also supported each other through stuff. But that doesn’t really mean that they need to own each other’s assets.
I hope that she can continue to enjoy their relationship.

I understand regarding the children notifying her if he is ill etc but your sister and her partner presumably both live in their own properties so have autonomy over their own financial affairs, which is how it should be.

No rights whatsoever. At best, she is a kind friend, and rights, moral or legal, don't come into it ☹

@Grandmabatty no he won't, I believe his divorce from his ex wife was acrimonious, and he feels like he gave up a lot. My sister is quite wary of bringing up the subject now.

Been there. My bloke's children did everything they could to get rid of me. I backed right off and now he is older, lonely and sees those children rarely. I feel sorry for him, but am not getting involved (other than a superficial, part-time relationship) again. He should have taken a stand years ago, didn't, and therefore will have to bear the consequences.

Silly old men. They should appreciate a good thing when they see it.

@JaneJudge the issue if he is ill is the main thing. When he was so poorly last year she was with him when she collapsed so she was involved from the start. His children do not live near and they were unaware he was in hospital until he was much better, several weeks later. My sister's worry is that if they do start to get involved with their father again - perhaps as his condition worsens the children will swoop in and take over.

Your sister needs to stop putting so much of herself into the relationship. Give only as much as she gets (and I'm not talking financially/materially here).

@GagaJo I am glad you said that, thank you. The problem is my sister will never back off or not get involved, she is totally smitten with him and would do anything for him.

Everyone is so right - the children are his next of kin and will inherit if he dies, unless he makes a will in her favour. They would be entitled to make the funeral arrangements. Sadly she has no legal standing at all. I hope she will keep her own property and not invest any money in the relationship. He sounds very selfish and I expect is perfect happy to have her look after him, but refuses to give her financial security. A real charmer.

yes, sounds like for him it is a friends with benefits situation.
for her it is an exclusive devoted relationship.
but unless he takes out power of attorney and makes her responsible for health matters if he is incapacitated, which is v unlikely he would, she has no official standing.
she really needs to look after herself.
i doubt that challenging her on this directly will help.
just be a supportive influence.

Aside from any financial matters, she will have no next-of-kin rights as regards care or treatment in illness, or as to arrangements if he dies. As I understand the OP, these are the rights her sister is concerned about.

I'm afraid that's just not the type of committed relationship he wants.

He wants to keep their homes and finances seperate.

He wants his children as his primary next of kin and beneficiaries of his will.

Your sister is a girlfriend and he does not want to move to the next phase.

He is perfectly reasonable for what he wants from the relationship and sister needs to decide if she is OK with that or if she wants more, more than the relationship she currently has.

TheNightShift

@GagaJo I am glad you said that, thank you. The problem is my sister will never back off or not get involved, she is totally smitten with him and would do anything for him.

I was too. But eventually I realised I was the only one unhappy in the situation, and therefore that I was the only one who could change my position. So I did. I still think it's sad. I adored him, but...

TheNightShift

@JaneJudge the issue if he is ill is the main thing. When he was so poorly last year she was with him when she collapsed so she was involved from the start. His children do not live near and they were unaware he was in hospital until he was much better, several weeks later. My sister's worry is that if they do start to get involved with their father again - perhaps as his condition worsens the children will swoop in and take over.

Can I ask, why didn't your sister tell his children he collapsed and was in hospital?

I watch Judge Judy who often says there’s no such state as ‘nearly married’ or just ‘playing house’, regarding laws and rights. In this Country, people say ‘common law’ but that’s just a figure of speech and means nothing.
Brutal, but very true.

Your sister will have NO legal rights to anything. Her man's children are his next of kin, and so will be entitled to all he owns, all his money, and they will have the say in his funeral/house, etc

Yet still today you hear a woman describing herself as a common law wife. When will everyone understand it’s totally meaningless?

TheNightShift - I don’t quite understand why your sister would concern herself with her bloke’s will, but I absolutely get why she would be bothered to be excluded from his healthcare. Her only recourse would be to ask him to give her POA for his healthcare. As this is completely separate from his finances I can’t see why it might be a problem for her to broach this with him, citing his previous illness as an example of why she wants this formalised.

I recently had a friend who was terminally ill and I was very fortunate that his family accepted that our relationship (forged over 20+ years) was such that I was best placed to care for him during his final weeks. It would have been awful to be fighting over that as he was dying. 😱

Why didn’t he tell his children? Why could several weeks go by without them being in touch with their father

This man doesn’t sound like he’s active in his relationships. I’d run a mile

My sister has bern with a man like this for 20 years , she did move in with him a couple of years ago. On the understanding that when he dies, she will need to move out and his adult children will have the house . She's financially independent and has her own house, she rents out. They don't combine money or anything, it seems to suit them both though

I'm a recently widowed guy and although it's too soon to think about a new relationship (I still feel married), I do wonder what form any new relationship might take.
My legal affairs are in order with full POAs for health and finance plus a will. My kids get everything; any decisions to be taken on my behalf are sorted.
At 73, I'm in the last part of my life and would be concerned what I could offer in a new relationship; not a lot, I fear.
Being friends is best. It is sad that your sister's commitment is so commendable but unhappily insecure

As others have said, and as you know, your sister is a friend of this man, and no more, despite how she feels, and he seems to have made it quite clear how he wants the relationship to be. The only thing I could suggest is that your sister explains her concerns regarding the man's health and the likelihood or otherwise of his children informing her of anything that happens. Maybe he could write to his children, tell them that there is no change to his will etc., but that he would like your sister to be informed/actively involved in his future?