Problems with DIL

Are you serious?

Leave your DIL & son to sort it out. She's not going to send her kids to another country without her.

I really feel for your DIL, it must be so hard having her visa issued and being apart from her husband

Please stop making that situation worse, for her, you can never replace your grandchildrens mother and asking her to stay behind alone is awful.

i am stunned at what i have just read, why should a mother send her children to another country just because you are missing out, why has her husband not asked the army for help, i am sure there must be something in place to bring a wife and there children to the usa. stop being selfish and let them sort it out, it really is none of your business.

Iam64

Are you serious?

As John McEnroe used to say

"You cannot be serious!"

Goodness me this has to be a wind up no one could seriously expect their daughter-in-law to send her children to a country without her just because you’re missing them. This is selfish to the extreme, of course that’s not possible and i’m not even sure this is true because military usually look after the wives very well for her to have been left for a year doesn’t sound right at all

It's probably not a windup

MILs like this exist sadly

I will bite
Where does your son stand here?

OP- Research narcissism. You are displaying symptoms of it.

My son is lonely and can't see his wife, so having the kids could be good for him. He also works 12 hour days so I would need to move in to look after them. Sadly, the military doesn't provide much help for foreign spouses and they have to apply for visas like every one else.

You mean having the kids in the US would be good for you, right?

Please be careful- you say
every time I mention the kids she ends the conversation.
This is obviously pushing her away.

If I was your daughter-in-law I would be nervous about bringing my children over in case I was put in an awkward position by your neediness.
I know you want to be more involved but I think it's important to put the children first.

Can your son request a transfer back to Germany if the visa can't be resolved?
That's what I would suggest - as you say, he is missing out on his children- and of course they are missing out too.

Never in a million years would I have sent my two small children to live in another country without me. That would be cruel and very bad for them.

I would stop bringing this up if I were you.

Never in a million years would I have sent my two small children to live in another country without me.

Nor me!

Wisconsin2000

My son is lonely and can't see his wife, so having the kids could be good for him. He also works 12 hour days so I would need to move in to look after them. Sadly, the military doesn't provide much help for foreign spouses and they have to apply for visas like every one else.

He can't care for them. She can. She is their mother.

This isn't a DiL problem. It's a MiL problem.

If you don't back right off, apology needed to your DiL too, you're risking ever having a relationship with your grandchildren.

If I were your dip, I for sure wouldn't move to the US

I don't believe this... nobody could think like this

I would never allow my kids to move to a different country without me, no matter who was pressuring me to do so.

I wouldn't send my lids for a holiday, I'd be scared I wouldn't see them again

She is their mother , you are not. The children belong with her. Why not spend your time and energy working to facilitate her coming over? Mind if I was her I might be having second thoughts about moving anywhere nearer you.

I don’t believe what I’ve just read ! A very needy Mother/ Grandmother -Wisconsin I doubt you’ll get much sympathy here. Good luck !

Whenever I read a thread about clingy grandparents Im glad tht I was never selfish enough to have children of my own. For many years my own grandmother had to take back seat in seeing me because my father resented her. And that was only visiting someone who lived a mile or two away.

The entitlement of some family members is beyond reason. Be careful or you will end up estranged from your grandchildren until they are mature enough to decide whether they want to see you.

I find this hard to believe, even after posters told you how needy you are, you still cannot see you are wrong.
You need to stop this and mind your own business. It's about the Mother, Father and children here, not you. I would not be surprised if she does not come over and it will be because of you. Back off now.

I can understand your DIL not wanting to live in Wisconsin as its bloody cold there!