Cougars - not the four legged type

Marriage would give him citizenship and the ability to bring family here - that (plus the money) could well be what he’s after if he’s from a poor country.

One of our distant relatives married a bloke 37 years older than her, touch of the Rupert Murdochs . He has died now after they had been married about 15 years, reasonably happily. She is very,very wealthy now but the last 5 years of his life she was his carer running him round to hospitals and doctors and generally being his nurse. Sometimes these big gaps work but that would be the exception rather than the rule I think.

She may not care what anyone thinks. She may even know that she is being used. Maybe she just wants a bit of fun in her twilight years. It wouldn't do for me but each to their own.

sodapop

Strange isn't it how the age difference is acceptable with an older man and younger woman but not the other way round.
I hope your friend is not giving away money she can't afford Franbern

Although I mostly agree with this, I also think any 30 year old woman with a 70 year old man would be thought a gold digger.

To put the other side. A gay friend of my sister's married a Thai man, much his junior. My sister and all his friends feared just what the OP feared. The two of them own a house in the UK and in Thailand, where the Thai partner does spend several months of the year.

But overall the relationship has worked. The relationship has lasted at least 10 years, they are still together and, while, my sister suspects her friend's partne is not entiely physically faithful, her friend is happy, and if his Thai husband gets everything on his death, is that any different from any other marriage?

Germanshepherdsmum

Is she sure this man is who he says he is? It sounds very much like a dating scam. She’s basically now buying a home for him - where when she’s in the UK (and maybe even when she’s not) he will likely be entertaining ladies nearer his own age. Personally I would risk the friendship by trying to open her eyes and ask if she seriously thinks a man of 30 is attracted to a 70 year old - or to her money.

Yes, we read and see these scams on TV and women are left without a home, without a penny yet still along comes another one who falls for it.

They are always astonished afterwards that they could have been so stupid.

GagaJo

sodapop

Strange isn't it how the age difference is acceptable with an older man and younger woman but not the other way round.
I hope your friend is not giving away money she can't afford Franbern

Although I mostly agree with this, I also think any 30 year old woman with a 70 year old man would be thought a gold digger.

Yes.

Although I read that Rupert Murdoch, 92 year old billionaire, was the one to break off his latest engagement.

There's a vacancy if anyone's interested!

The first time we went to Gambia, I bought some magazines and one had the headline 'Granny went to Gambia and came back with Aids!
I was happily sitting outside reading and a security guard came up to me 'are you alone?' he said suggestively.
We saw lots of grannies wrapped around young men and one of them told us that she had bought a house in Gambia and when she was in England, her boyfriend's family moved in to take care of it!

Why are so many women, especially older women, so dependent on being in a relaionship with a man, any man , for ther sense of real worth.

Why do so many women still see a another woman without a male appendage as a failure?

I do not think it was chance that meant I fell for a man with a working mother who was the main reliable wage earner (she was a teacher) in his childhood faamily. His father was a skilled engineer in the car industry when the work was seasonal, (September - March). From April to August he took any work he could get - usually as a farm labourer.

It meant DH was completely comfortable with the concept of being married to an independent woman with her own career. Our DD decided very early that she wanted neither marriage nor children, and no one in the family batted an eyelid or even suggested that she might regret her decision.

I feel sad and sorry for these women, who will grab at a man regardless of age or cultural similarities and can convince themselves that they are truly loved, even though they end up penniless, having given their 'love' every penny they own ans still not see that the only love was cupboard love.

Just wondering if she really needs to be married Fran?

Couldn't she do all the things she wants without actually marrying him?
She can then leave any property abroad to this man if she wants and the UK property to her own family.
She would also be in control of her own life in other respects I feel.

It's a really sad situation isn't it ?

Poor lonely lady looking for love and no doubt upset about being estranged from one of her sons .

She's probably being scammed .
Almost certainly it will end in tears .

I wonder if she'll actually listen to you .
You can only try .

Why did your friend wave and smile at those men in the pub Esmay, especially as you weren’t aware she was doing it?

Not surprised they wandered over, probably thought they were being given the come-on.

In my travels to far flung places, it’s not at all uncommon to see “unusual” matches, most often men with local younger women. Women with younger men stand out, wether love is involved or it is a financial arrangement I wouldn’t know.

I mostly travel with groups but on a couple of occasions I have extended the trip and hired a guide each day, an attentive driver/guide to look after you is very good and I can understand why some might extend the arrangement.

Fleurpepper

His- he is gay.

Wrong! Read the OP.

I gave an exemple- he is gay, my friend. Just got married 30 mins ago in Paris.

Congratulations to your friend. I hope it’s a happy union. However, my initial post was in response to the OP.

Exactly my sentiments MOnica.

Calendargirl -
When we left the pub she sheepishly admitted doing it .

I'd seen her doing it in a club that we used to go to so I wasn't that surprised .

I don't know why she does it , because she has no intention of following it up .

I said nothing , but I was annoyed as it spoilt our lunch .
I was starving !

Those guys must have thought that she was giving them the come on .

I have a cougar friend. In her 30s she left her 2 children and husband to chase and eventually marry a 19 year old. He came from a wealthy business family and they ended up very happy and rich. Her children don't speak to her.
A young cousin was taken in by a North African man. Soon after their marriage he became entitled to stay here and he divorced her.

This type of scaming was higlighted on a bbc1 morning programme hosted by Kim Marsh.
If your friend could watch ut on catch up she would see she is being targeted. It's called For the love of money it's on Iplayer

Nanamary thanks for this. I watched this on Iplayer.
However, it is very different from what my friend is involved with. She definitely knows this man (boy). Has spent considerable time over the last couple of months with him and with his family.

She does not use the word 'love' but says she appreciates that he looks after her when she is with him, l and gives her friendship, etc.

Following GSM I did warn her about marriage = she told me that Moslem men are not permitted to inherit from non Moslem people. I still emphasised that even so , any a marriage would give him legal rights to any property etc in UK. She thanked me and said she had no intention of marrying him.

She is intent of going ahead with this. Her money, her life.....
We asked what she though he was getting out of this relationship and she told us that he was a very quiet young man and enjoyed her company. Asked why she thought he had not married, she came up with a whole plethora of reasons.

Is it a scam? Not sure, He has, of course, accepted around £1500 from her so far for building work and other things. And I am certain that he sees her very much as some sort of money source. BUT....if he does give her the gentle relationship she thinks he will, then that is down to her.

I was astonished at this tv programme, just do not understand ho can get into those situations -

Thanks for the update. I expect she means that sharia law says Moslems are not permitted to inherit from non-Moslems - but that’s not English law and if they married her English will would cease to be valid and ‘our’ law determines who would automatically inherit from her. Hey ho. So long as she understands that. Do he and his family see her as a source of money and a roof over their heads? Probably. And what does she think will happen to the house in his country during her absence - and what will happen when she is no longer fit to travel?

I hope she realises that if he persuades her to marry him, it will render any previous will invalid. She would need to make a new one, which I believe can be made in advance and dated from the day of the wedding.

Yes, a new will can be stated to be made ‘in contemplation of marriage’ but best to get a solicitor to do it to ensure it’s watertight. I still suspect an intention to acquire British citizenship. I may be wrong of course. I haven’t looked back on the thread - do we know how the friend met this man/boy? It’s so odd that his parents are happy with the relationship if there’s no ulterior motive. Isn’t it usual for parents in many cultures to expect children to look after them in old age? And presumably his parents are older than OP’s friend?

Sorry I meant to say younger than …