Finding contentment

You say you are in good health and financially secure.
It may be that a demanding outdoor activity would lift your spirits.
Riding? Gliding? Dinghy sailing?
All are demanding not just physically but mentally. And all are potentially dangerous, but a bit of stress is supposed to be good for us. Challenge yourself!

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NanaDana
What a lovely poem! 👍😎

Lippyqueen thank you for starting this thread it’s exactly how I’m feeling. And thanks to all the wonderfully wise gransnetters for suggestions.

I am going through a lot at the moment revolving around my DH's health and him being in a care home. I have not got any hobbies or many friends and we are estranged from our DD.

I spoke to the GP who put me in touch with talking counselling who told me to make more friends, but no suggestions how. This took the path of six phone calls every 2-3 weeks and was just a case of ticking boxes.

The GP also suggested AgeUK and a young lady came round. After raving about my kitchen she suggested I make more friends, but not really any suggestions how. She then sent me a leaflet and one of the suggestions to help me was to go litter picking!

I live in a very cliquey village which I find depressing. Some days I feel I am in God's waiting room.

FishandChips15

I am going through a lot at the moment revolving around my DH's health and him being in a care home. I have not got any hobbies or many friends and we are estranged from our DD.

I spoke to the GP who put me in touch with talking counselling who told me to make more friends, but no suggestions how. This took the path of six phone calls every 2-3 weeks and was just a case of ticking boxes.

The GP also suggested AgeUK and a young lady came round. After raving about my kitchen she suggested I make more friends, but not really any suggestions how. She then sent me a leaflet and one of the suggestions to help me was to go litter picking!

I live in a very cliquey village which I find depressing. Some days I feel I am in God's waiting room.

I am really sorry to hear about your situation. All my friends deserted me when I started to be a full time carer for my parents. Overnight I was dropped as my only conversation was about being a carer. However, on the other side now and I found group activities really helped me. The people I know now may not be friends in the true word but through the WI and my knitting group we chat and all seem to share similar experiences. Could you take up a craft/play cards/join WI where you join in with activities? In time you will get to know your people. It may take a little while but if you share similar interests and do things together be in knitting blankets for charity/doing a stint in a charity shop you will soon find your people. Not everyone clicks and there are the Queen Bees but I have learnt to side step them and ignore them. What makes your village cliquey? It is religious or political? Usually general groups tend to be pretty ordinary. Good luck!

All the things that have been said make sense and help to fill your day but the circumstances you live in and your health have to be right to do them.
If you live in a small village with no shops, miles from the nearest town, you can't drive and there is no bus service only a request once a week. The church has closed. Your health is poor and you are not a comfortable mixer how do you do all the suggested things?
I'm not saying they apply to me but they do to some people I know.
They are not sitting wondering what to do for nothing and to say get up and do something is putting a lot of pressure on them.
I would say find something that you can do within your own home that you never had time for before but lends itself to being looked forward to.
When I left work I decided to continue the family tree my mother had started. It got me researching, writing to agencies and working with other people on the same problems. Another friend took up quilting and joined their society. Every hobby does not have to be out of the house.
As for volunteering, I would think twice. I have had this myself and my DD who does not work. If you are the one who comes in with the new innovative ideas you are the one who is left to do them or end up annoying people who are established.
lastly I would say if you have room put aseat outside your house and try and sit out at the same time each day. A friend with a terminal illness did this and we all go to the post box and know we will find her if she is fit and she has turned into the village Oracle.{smile]

NanaDana
That’s a really great poem. Thank you for sharing. It’s what I tell my children/grandchildren nearly every day …..but maybe not so eloquently.

Wow. I feel exactly the same. It could have been me writing this, even down to the son in Australia.

As sononeon this thread has sggested a gratitude diary is helpf ful. I use the Brooker's Daily Gratitude Journal which I found on Amazon.

Also look for something that went well because of some action on yours and congratulate yourself. i.e. I helped x to read by listening and having patience. You are positively connoting your skills. This many help you to life your mood and feel more positive.

LRavencroft Thank you for commenting on my post. The village is cliquey as a lot of the residents were born here and are surrounded by family and friends. They obviously do not need anymore and anyone new is classed as a newbie.

I did go to WI, but left as they constantly pressured me to go on the committee which I do not wish to do.

I thought the ethos of WI was supporting, kindness and including, but no one has bothered with me presumably because I do not have a lot to talk about.

Lippyqueen you can have everything practically perfect in your life and feel like this. It not about what you've got or what your doing. Im a CBT therapist and this issue comes up more than you think. Id have a word with your GP and be referred for some CBT or talking therapies. Your GP will assess which is appropriate. This feeling will pass but you may need some help with it

Have you got a local dog rescue? If so, they are usually grateful for volunteers to walk the dogs, with no obligation to buy one.

Yellowmellow My GP suggested I self refer to talking therapy which consisted of 6 half hour sessions, mainly them ticking boxes and suggesting I should make more friends, but no guidance as to how.

I was also referred to AgeUK and a young lady came round. After raving on about my kitchen she too thought I would benefit from making some more friends, but again ticking boxes and no suggestions as to how.

She then forwarded a leaflet and one of the suggestions was for me to go litter picking!!

Lots of friends to be made there Fishand Chips.🤣🤣

FishandChips15

LRavencroft Thank you for commenting on my post. The village is cliquey as a lot of the residents were born here and are surrounded by family and friends. They obviously do not need anymore and anyone new is classed as a newbie.

I did go to WI, but left as they constantly pressured me to go on the committee which I do not wish to do.

I thought the ethos of WI was supporting, kindness and including, but no one has bothered with me presumably because I do not have a lot to talk about.

Interesting that you should say that about the WI. I am a dual member and one of the groups were constantly at me to join the committee with a very bossy Queen Bee in charge. The other group I belong to is smaller but the lady in charge is a hoot and all the jobs seem to be fairly well spread out and moved around month by month. I think a lot will depend on your district WI. Oh, yes, the cliquey village. I live in a parish like that where everyone here has family going back centuries. I take a bus to our local town to a knitting and crochet group and they are really nice. I really hope you find your group where you feel at home. Sometimes it takes a few tries but you will find your group. Good luck!

ennui -a feeling of listlessness and dissatisfaction arising from a lack of occupation or excitement.

Am I the only one who can identify with this?

NanaDana what a beautiful, uplifting poem.

Sorry if this has been suggested already, I haven't had time to read the whole thread, but I wonder if there is a primary school locally where you could offer to hear children read? I get a lot of satisfaction from doing this one afternoon each week in term time and the children enjoy being with me and miss me when I do a different class or I'm away. The teachers really appreciate the help too, which makes me feel needed. Just a thought.

I know how you feel lippyqueen. I would say get out there and do something. I volunteer with the National Trust at my nearest property just one day a week and it's really satisfying. I've made new like-minded friends and we chat to the visitors all day long. You become quite knowledgeable about the property and you then feel needed and worthwhile. You don't get paid but you do get your travelling expenses. Give it a go, you don't need to stay if you don't like it.