Please could I have some advice on how to deal with a very difficult DIL (not yet married to my son). My son has been with his partner for 5 years and most of those years have been a bit of a strain to be honest, due to my son just wanting to please his partner constantly even when he knows she is wrongs. They have had some huge fall outs and we have stayed out of them and just been an ear to listen to when my son has needed to vent about his partners behaviour. She is very controlling and blames everything including her rudeness towards both myself, my husband and our daughter on her anxiety! We have tried to include her in everything, family meals, get togethers, photographs together, family jewellery I have bought her, buying her as much as I do for our son at birthdays and Christmas. You name it I have tried it. Let her know constantly she can call me or message me if she needs me for anything or just an ear to listen.
Since having her first child and our first grandchild 18 months ago we have tried everything to see him regularly and our son and DIL, we have never just been about the baby. My son is my absolute world and I know if he hasn't her as his life long partner we need to make it work with her.
But the last disagreement was when she was extremely rude to us and completely ignored us and made a point of removing herself and our grandson out of the room whilst she washed the dishes! Our son doesn't say anything whilst we are there but obviously wasn't happy about her actions, and he feels very uncomfortable and almost embarrassed in how she treats us.
They fell out about it over that weekend, but then my son told his partner that I had called him upset about the incident. I don't know why he did that as he has never done it before, and I had made no contact to either of them about the incident at all. It caused her to message me and say I should of spoken to her about it! My husband was at boiling point at this stage and said I am not putting up with this situation any longer. He tried to call my sons partner to talk to her but she didn't answer, shortly after my son called and basically blamed everything on me, saying I should have called his partner, I had a problem with her mum seeing our grandson more than I do, my husband defended me and said I had not got a problem with any of it other than the whole atmosphere being very awkward due to his partner sometimes, and we didn't deserve to be treated like that at all. My son ended up putting the phone down on his dad whilst his partner was swearing in the background 'you can all piss off', and my son ending the call with 'the trouble with you two over there is you are both perfect aren't you'. Our son is 27 years old and never in all his life has he ever spoken to either of us like that.
I feel absolutely gutted and heartbroken as it has been almost 4 weeks now without any contact other than I reached out to asked my son if he wanted to meet up with me and his dad for a talk, he said he wasn't reading and would get in touch when he was. The only other contact was he sent me a text to wish us a happy anniversary to us both.
I know I have just got to sit and wait but it is so difficult.
Our daughter who is 18 is very angry with him and disappointed in the way he has treated us. He use to be very close to her too and he dropped her like a bag of potatoes when he met his partner, but she has never complained, just got on with her life.
Why does he feel he has to choose between us, we have never demand time or anything else from him and know it is difficult working full time in your own business and having a family of your own. we have helped them both out financially alot of the years and this is how he repays us!
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