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My house. Should I sell to accommodate partner and downsize

(41 Posts)
LemonZest Sun 11-Jun-23 17:28:55

So, partner of 9 years and I have always lived in my house - he was always going to buy somewhere but nothing has been right. At his age he can only afford £150k mortgage and only really has 10 years of work left in him before retirement. I don't know what is the best solution for me, as my house is paid off and I want to leave it to my children.
This is always a bone of contention between us, but I don't want to compromise myself to benefit him. He has no children, so I don't get why he wants to tie himself up with a mortgage. I know he wants the security if I were to die first. I want to downsize and release equity for myself so I can retire early. If we buy somewhere together, I feel I would be tied down to a house with someone, but I also want him to feel secure

Any ideas???? Anything I shouldn't do?

SuperTinny Mon 12-Jun-23 09:55:16

Get him to buy a small flat to rent out and give him some financial security.
Then sort your Will out and give him the rights to remain in your home for the remainder of his life should you pre-decease him, but leaving the property to your children.
This would remain the same even if you downsized.
You should seek legal advice about this because you would need to decide if he should provide rent to your children and sort out things like maintenance on the property and who is responsible for it.
The other scenario (however unpleasant) to consider is if you should need to go into a care home and how this would be funded. If you are forced to sell your home for this he would have no right to remain unless you declared this legally.

Redhead56 Mon 12-Jun-23 09:56:13

Your partner has not committed to other properties he has seen in the past nine years. He also has a limited budget to buy another property but needs land for work related vehicles.
Do you really want to downsize and retire early? I personally would stay where you are the children would come before anyone else.

Davida1968 Mon 12-Jun-23 10:10:51

Stay put. Get legal advice - now! (If you die and he's still living there, then it could be complicated for your children...)

SporeRB Mon 12-Jun-23 11:53:25

Rather than downsizing, how about helping him but at the same time putting pressure on him to buy a small buy to let property for his own security.
Use the rental income after paying the mortgage for you to reduce your working hours.

In return, you write a will leaving your property to your children but letting him stay there for the remainder of his life. He will need to write a will leaving his buy to let property to you.

CheersMeDears Mon 12-Jun-23 12:46:39

Why, despite years of looking at properties, hasnt he found anything suitable? Is it because he's on a cushy number living with you? In your shoes I'd be selling up, downsizing as I wanted to do and telling him to go and sort out his own accommodation. If he can't afford to buy, he'll have to rent like others do. No way would I compromise my children's future inheritance for him.

Lathyrus Mon 12-Jun-23 12:53:04

Even if you decide to stay just as you are, you need to get legal protection in place for you and your children.

If you didn’t do this when he moved in its possible he already has a claim on your property both as an individual and a business. You really do need to get qualified legal advice ASAP.

Wyllow3 Mon 12-Jun-23 15:30:11

I'm wondering about the nature of your relationship.

It feels like it been mainly money, and that you sort of slipped into living together to "give it a go" - perfectly reasonable at the time -

but have you discussed commitments as in sickness and in health - which can cut two ways,

ie him looking after you, even having to give up work, should sickness/disability occur to you, or mutual expectations should he be ill.

Then, caring as getting older, often takes extra money.

The there are the feelings about how much he's "given back". Emotionally, practically: has he "lived off you" in those ways, or has he given a great deal?

I think what you decide to do financially depends on how you see yourselves going forward together - or not.

For example, if he has and will care for you for a long period, will your children really begrudge him some reasonable security at the cost of part of an inheritance?

Franbern Mon 12-Jun-23 17:54:00

If you are not married nor have entered into a civil partnership, then he will have no legal right to stay in that proeprty should you die, unless you have written a will giving him that right.

Seems a strange sort of relationship, is there any love involved?

Whereas I can quite understand your wishing your children tohave the benefit from your property, surely - if you really cared for your partner you would also be concerned about his future.

As others have said a chat with a Solicitor and probably a will drawn up giving him the right to stay in the property for remainder of his life (should you die first), with responsibility for upkeep of that property and your children to act as Exacutors of your will. Not for him to be able to sell that property or raise monies on it, not be used should he require care. The house to become the property of your children.

But, perhaps you firstly need to take a long and hard look at this relationship

Wyllow3 Mon 12-Jun-23 19:37:49

I can understand how it could sort of just happen over time and love involved! But clearly the time has come to evaluate what you both want.

I'm aware you wrote he left a first relationship and got nothing from the house etc. Why could that happen? Was it generosity, the previous partner particularly I need or ill or even manipulative, or did he actually do anything in anyway which took away his rights?

Big difference.

Ali23 Mon 12-Jun-23 21:38:39

I’m a bit confused about his arrangements with his previous partner. As it wasn’t his house at all, maybe he was in fact just paying her some rent?

I would positively encourage him to find a cheap buy to let, for his own security. Then downsize, buying the new property in your name only, if you want to free up some money to work less. Make sure you have a well written will to leave your house to your children.

Pumpkinpie Tue 12-Sep-23 20:36:57

It sounds like he’s being financially manipulative. He paid half a mortgage for 20 years and got nothing .. doesn’t sound right.
Be careful put your head and your kids first .

Ziplok Tue 12-Sep-23 20:47:58

Poster not been back for 3 months. Maybe it’s all sorted now?

M0nica Tue 12-Sep-23 21:44:23

get legal advice and make sure you make a will (not just talk about doing it).

Floradora9 Wed 13-Sep-23 21:41:19

A relative left his lovely house to a close and dearly loved relative but his wife ( late marriage ) was to get to live out her days in the house . This lady lived to be over 100 and the person who was to inherit the house died shortly after her of cancer. You never know what will happen .

Ali08 Sun 08-Oct-23 05:43:55

What was your decision?