Do they say ‘Thank you ‘?

Yes they do say thank you. We send them money for BDs, and they will send a What'sUp or say thank you on Face Time when we next speak. They do because they have been taught to do so- and will be reminded by ACs if they happen to forget.

I remember mum telling me if I’d didn’t thank people, one auntie in particular, then they wouldn’t give me anything again. In those days, however, you only got presents at Christmas and birthdays, so you had every incentive to respond, which was by written letter.

I agree it is nice to be thanked and when you aren’t you do wonder if you want to bother again.

A nephew’s children, now teens, have always sent a short thank you note (by post). A niece’s older two never have. But they’re 20s now and I don’t send presents any more.

I think this is a really interesting question. I do remember as a child being made to say please and thank you like a parrot regardless of how I felt about a visit or a gift. We tried to make sure as young parents, that our children phoned or sent thank you letters to relatives who cared enough to send gifts but my adult children now do it so much better.
One of my daughters leads by positive example and no matter how small the token gift is, we get a photo of them enjoying it via WhatsApp - it might be a cake I've baked, some bread maybe. Her children (early teens) follow her lead and send appreciative messages for things I've found for them that I think they might like. It keeps dialogue between the generations open in an easy way.
I wonder how many of us think about thanking our grandchildren in an appropriate and relevant way for the time they give us?

I remember being made to sit down and write thank you cards and letters. I really hated it! Therefore, I only encouraged mine to say thanks when they next saw the giver. I certainly don't expect thanks from my GC - but sometimes they'll send a text.

If you want to give presents or money - then do. If you don't want to (or can't afford to) don't. You surely don't need any excuse to stop (including the issue of not getting thank yous.)

My DH quietly saved for his grandchild on a monthly basis and built up a very respectable amount.

The idea being that it would be handed over at about the time of college/first car/planning a future/year out etc.

Come the time to move account into grandchild's name (18 and a half) they met up by arragement for the morning and, after the deed was done, proud DH suggested breakfast/coffee to celebrate the event.

Grandchild was 'too busy'. Coffee, then? 'Too busy'. Contact since - one short whatsapp at Xmas.

He held it together with dignity.

Hetty58

I remember being made to sit down and write thank you cards and letters. I really hated it! Therefore, I only encouraged mine to say thanks when they next saw the giver. I certainly don't expect thanks from my GC - but sometimes they'll send a text.

If you want to give presents or money - then do. If you don't want to (or can't afford to) don't. You surely don't need any excuse to stop (including the issue of not getting thank yous.)

Hetty, relatives and GPs who send moeny or presents may live a long way away- so waiting until they next see them to say thank you, is just not appropriate, imho.

It's good for children to learn that being polite and say thank you, is an important social 'skill'. I am glad my ACs have taught this to my ACs, honestly.

Vintagenonna

My DH quietly saved for his grandchild on a monthly basis and built up a very respectable amount.

The idea being that it would be handed over at about the time of college/first car/planning a future/year out etc.

Come the time to move account into grandchild's name (18 and a half) they met up by arragement for the morning and, after the deed was done, proud DH suggested breakfast/coffee to celebrate the event.

Grandchild was 'too busy'. Coffee, then? 'Too busy'. Contact since - one short whatsapp at Xmas.

He held it together with dignity.

truly shocking...

Can someone please tell me what GD etc means. The whole capital letter situation is confusing. Thank you. Also if you are in the situation where kids are not sending you thank you letters or you feel they dont appreciate you, my opinion is speak to the parents. They are the ones who should be instructing their children on the value of manners.

It's just so rude and ignorant. I don't even get an acknowledgment that things have been received. So bad.

I am happy with a spontaneous, "Thanks, Nan," when I give the kids their presents. I don't need (or want) thank you letters when they have been forced to write them; I don't think that is really a genuine expression of gratitude.
My daughter has very fixed ideas of what I can buy her children and I cooperate but one year, I bought my grandaughter a present I knew she would love. My heart soared when she rushed up, threw her arms around me and thanked me for the best present in the whole wide world. That was more than enough for me.

i think you should divide off what your aunt and sister do from what you do and if YOU are going to stop gifting then I think you should tell the children and not your son. I don't think you should be discussing what your aunt and sister intend to do.

My daughter in law doesn’t thank me for the birthday presents I send her. We usually transfer some money into her account and send something in the post (last time it was a cosmetics bag). Not a single word of thanks. When the money came up in conversation (when we visited) I said. it sounds like the money we gave you is going towards something special’ . She replied ‘yes’ but still no thanks! When I send something in the post I worry that it might not arrive (we all know of parcels getting lost in the post) so I asked my son if his wife had received something in the post for her birthday . Yes, she had. Still no thanks from her. I can’t stop sending her gifts but I get SO cross!

I was horrified to realise that all three of my ACs did not consider it necessary to send thank you messages for wedding presents. I only realised when I commented that I hadn’t received thanks from a nephew. My ACs insist that it’s no longer the done thing. I find this attitude unacceptable.

I told my Son that I would give no more Birthday or Christmas presents to my 3 Grandaughters unless he taught them to thank me.
He did So now I get a Thankyou phone call or text from them.

I also have had enough, I was always the one to make sure my son's family have everything they needed, My son does not work in fact has never had a proper job at the age of 40, nor has his wife, with 4 kids that the general population pay for, as they claim benefits for the rent and everything else they need I have given up on them. Christmas 21, I sent them all a gift voucher for 100 pounds each = 600 pounds, I paid for a shop at Asda having it delivered to them, bought all the kids new coats from Marks and Spencers made sure they all have good shoes and boots, Christmas day we did not get a Christmas card or a text to wish us Happy Christmas. We didn't even get a thank you for the presents I had given. So I decided enough is enough and I have not contacted them since, nor have they contacted me, except for Christmas 22 when I received a text from mu DIL saying remember you have 4 grandkids

caz6853

Can someone please tell me what GD etc means. The whole capital letter situation is confusing. Thank you. Also if you are in the situation where kids are not sending you thank you letters or you feel they dont appreciate you, my opinion is speak to the parents. They are the ones who should be instructing their children on the value of manners.

GD = Grand daughter. The acronyms are listed in the menu at the top of the page (click on Acronyms)

I ask my DDs what the children would like and give my DDs a cheque for their birthdays

We used to buy for nieces & nephews & never received an acknowledgment. Once they hit 16 we stopped on the basis that if they can’t be bothered then neither can we.

As a child my brother and I found it tedious to write thankyou letters after birthday or Christmas. But our parents , quite rightly, insisted on it. However a few weeks before Christmas one year mum caught us pre-writing our thankyous, leaving gaps for present to be named and inserted quickly after the day. We were sorry!!! and never did it again. These days to me, a thank you is really appreciated, and knowing what a pain it can be to a child, a generic copy/pasted message would suffice. Have I gone soft? Or just going with the flow?

My stance has always been, "if you can't be bothered to say thank you, then I can't be bothered to buy gifts or send cash".

I'm quite happy to receive a handwritten note, a thank you card, an email or a WhatsApp message. But I do feel someone's generosity should be acknowledged by the recipient, in one form or another.

I dont think people give gifts in order to receive effusive thanks. However it is nice to know that the gift arrived safely (if sent in a card/letter) of that the recipient noticed it in their bank account.

Sometimes I gift money to my nephew who does a lot of "caring" things for me. I dont always say "thank you" in so many words. Nor does he always say thanks for the money. Often men are not good at that sort of thing and find it a bit embarrassing. However he will usually send an email telling me what he bought - therefore acknowledging the gift without the need for effusive words of thanks.

Vintagenonna
For your dh he must have been so disappointed.
I certainly would have been.

When my son, aged 29, moved into his flat 9 months ago he received housewarming presents in the post or given to us to pass on to him. He phoned every single person to thank them.
3 friends AC sent me texts and photos when I sent baby presents.
Another friend’s daughter and son haven’t bothered to say thank you for the very generous wedding gifts or new baby gift. It’s the last time I will be giving them anything. Their mother tends to come across as quite entitled and so I guess the lack of thanks comes from her.

I'm afraid we are on the other page. We live in Devon and our Nieces in Norfolk. We send until their 18th, but get a 'thanks' about once every 10 years. We kept sending, but spent 50% less. Her sister's children have always sent a thank you card and consequently receive more.

They both, however, drive within 2 miles of our home to visit the South West for holidays and we never see them. My FinL has met one of their children, the oldest when she was a toddler, she is now 23...If they walked in a room he wouldn't know them, but he does get fed up with no thanks.

Our kids said thank you, even as adults I will get a call, as will anyone who marks the occasion, so yes explain to your son. It is a small thing, which means a lot to older generations. Then, he can decide if he wants gifts from them?