Do they say ‘Thank you ‘?

This absolutely bothers me too. My daughter always thanks me for any gifts I send either to her, her partner or tiny son. She sends a hand written card but then she was well taught by me! My niece and one nephew again always thank me which is much appreciated. However the other one never even acknowledges gifts, either to him or his young children. I'm afraid I've stopped buying them gifts as I don't have a lot of disposable income anyway. I doubt they've even noticed but it stops me getting annoyed!

I think we as GrandParents have a duty to remind our children and grand children about manners.
It comes with the unwritten ‘Grandparents Job Description’
It’s much easier not to mention but that’s lazy grandparenting.
It’s hard work sometimes xx

A simple Thank You message, phone call, text, WhatsApp at least acknowkedges they did receive a present. My 2 GC alwaysxask if tgey shoujd take their plate away from the table and say Thank You when finished. Video call usually to say Thank You at birthdays and Christmas. Sure if the GC didn't acknowledge a present, both sets of parents would be telling me not to bother again and the GC would certainly be told why. Manners maketh the man/woman etc

I have two grown up children and three grandchildren and never ever get a thank you!!! I have to ask the children if they liked their gifts and it really annoys me.

My grandmother always took it upon herself to remind me about saying please and thank you. Also "may I" and "excuse me". Even as an adult I would never have walked into my parents house and simply taken things from the fridge without asking first.

The rude young man that I posted about upthread could easily have asked "May I pass please" or simply "Excuse me". But somehow I was supposed to know he wanted to get past when he was behind me. No wonder his companion was ashamed to be with him.

I send my 16 yr old and 11 ye old grandkids £20 a month ( pocket money)to their Go Henry accounts…it’s not a great deal these days …but they always send a thank you text or What’s App …usually within a few days , as they dont always check accounts or text messages straight away. They’ve been brought up this way …and I’m afraid it comes from the parents. It’s their responsibility to teach them good manners.
I would be disinclined to give anymore to ungrateful teens.

With Royal Mail tracking etc I am reassured the gift arrived and that is enough for me although, if I have spent a lot of time choosing or putting together a special gift it is disappointing to get no acknowledgment. However both DS and DD work in health and social care and I can understand they have little energy to supervise thank you phone calls or letters.... I had the privilege and choice to remain at home till both AC were teenagers so had plenty of time to install good manners. I'm sure I could not have coped with working full time, also in health and social care as I did eventually and had 2 young children to look after as well.....

Such a shame good manners cost nothing & I'm sure most would have time to send a text or Whatsapp message. Both sons,their wives and all 4 grandchildren will either text or call to say thank you. I feel really lucky.
I'd be inclined to send an unsigned cheque just to see if they got in touch.

thomasina34

I also have had enough, I was always the one to make sure my son's family have everything they needed, My son does not work in fact has never had a proper job at the age of 40, nor has his wife, with 4 kids that the general population pay for, as they claim benefits for the rent and everything else they need I have given up on them. Christmas 21, I sent them all a gift voucher for 100 pounds each = 600 pounds, I paid for a shop at Asda having it delivered to them, bought all the kids new coats from Marks and Spencers made sure they all have good shoes and boots, Christmas day we did not get a Christmas card or a text to wish us Happy Christmas. We didn't even get a thank you for the presents I had given. So I decided enough is enough and I have not contacted them since, nor have they contacted me, except for Christmas 22 when I received a text from mu DIL saying remember you have 4 grandkids

That is dreadful! I feel for you.
I met up with my late Mum’s best friend’s daughter Angela recently. Her Mum is still alive but with severe dementia in a home.

Angela has always worked and has a brother who is just like your son. Hardly ever worked, has wife and 3 kids. On every benefit going but his Mum always spent loads on them all, paid off his debts, bought him cars, paid for holidays etc.

As soon as he knew his Mum had dementia he conned her out of loads of money and helped himself to gold jewellery which had been passed down to her from grandmother and was very valuable. Angela involved the Police but they said there is no proof that he took them, despite him being the only person who entered the house.

My grandchildren are 14, 11, 10 and 4. They all thank us for dinners and for presents. The older ones usually send us a photo of themselves with a birthday present we’ve given them. We’re usually together to open Christmas presents and they always thank everyone for their gifts. I don’t suppose I was the best Mum, but I seem to have instilled manners which have been passed down.

I think it’s very rude not to thank , and I’d certainly say something to either the parents or the child themself

Goodness what a rude lot of offspring some of us seem to have raised!
We usually learn by example but it transpires those of us with manners, and thought we had passed them, have this problem.
Personally, I wouldn’t give without a word, text, email or letter of thanks…

Working in a busy bar on Boxing Day at a racecourse a young man came up and ordered drinks I said to him say please which he looked quite embarsssed

pascal30, thank you for your kind words.

thomasina34 you must feel the stuffing has been knocked out of you.

One of the more annoying aspects of all this is that even if we WANTED to dispossess our kids when we die by leaving them nothing in our wills - the law says we can't do that.

A older and very wise friend of mine (Malcolm), watching the horlicks his son had made of an inheritance from a grand-parent, and anticipating he would be next on the list of generous 'donors', muttered to me that his own will would read : "I, Malcolm, being of sound mind have spent the lot." I hope he managed it.

I don't give presents to people outside my immediate family, except for my nephew and niece. I can honestly say that I've never heard from my nephew and that my neice thanks me occcasionally but always several weeks late! This is why I've just continued to give them £25 for birthday and Christmas - it's a token present and I hesitate to stop paying it.

Thomasina34 that is really awful. So sorry....

It seems to be the thing these days not to say thank you. I gave a grandson £200 for his wedding them £200 toward the nursery when they were expecting the baby. On top of that I also send money for birthdays and Christmas, do I get a thank you - no I don't. I have other grandchildren I treat them all the same but sometimes I wonder why I do it, they are far wealthier than I, nver a thank you.

Four of my AC have their own children (age range 23 down to 11 yrs). With all of them I have followed the same rule - present (checked with parents or their own 'Wish List') until they go to Secondary school, and then cash. So, as from 2023 they are ALL into the cash area. Set amounts for birthdays and Christmas. Also other cash pressies when they change from Primary to Secondary Schools, when they pass any GCSE's. and again when they do A levels or equivalent. Also, when they graduate/

I do not want nor expect hand written letters etc. but do expect an acknowlegement of safe receipt of this money via email, etc. etc.

Just two of them do not do this, sisters - their Mum (my daughter) is an Educational Psychologist!!!. Even on the occasions when I actually see them and hand them notes for spending money they do not thank me. I am so tempted NOT to send them anything again, but can imagine the furore that would cause.

Once they get past 18 yrs I do drop the amounts I send, but one g.daughter who not only always thanks me but then goes on to say how she uses the money - still gets the same amount from me as the younger ones. Probably unfair of me - BUT .....my money, my choice.

My DM gives cheques to her GC for Christmas and birthdays and my AC always ring her and thank her as she doesn’t have a mobile . They were brought up to say please and thank you as were I . My brothers kids never thank me for presents .

It’s not just the younger generation that do this. I’ve sent birthday and Christmas presents to my aunt, uncle and cousin (cousin is now in their 60’s, Aunt and Uncle in their late 80’s.) I don’t see them often and wouldn’t know that the gifts had arrived if it wasn’t for the post office tracking.
They are my only family and don’t want to fall out with them, but would like to know if I have offended them. They seem ok when I visit but I do get upset that there’s no acknowledgment of my gifts.
My cousins children always send thank yous. Maybe the adults don’t think that it’s necessary for them to model politeness?

Yes my grandchildren all say Thank you, one teenager and 3 under elevens

My children and my grandchildren are always appreciative and always say thank you
However, I haven't always received the same courtesy from others
I guess everyone is different though

I have been known to forget to ring and thank people. It isn't intentional and I will have thought about doing it often but for some reason, it is always the wrong time or perhaps I've not got an answer when I have rung. It isn't that I am ungrateful but I do have an appalling memory and get easily distracted. It is in every area of my life so if someone is giving me a present they probably know just where I'm coming from...or not!

My girlfriend once returned a gift to me because her son (who was the intended recipient) would not write a thank you letter. I was not at all happy about that. My gifts are unconditional. Oh thanks are okay but, if done under duress, absolute rubbish.

I used to give presents to my sister’s grandchildren but her son never thanked me or invited me over. I used to check the gifts had arrived, then I changed to a cheque which was cashed but never thanked. My niece has always said thank you and kept in touch. Today I have made a new Will and I have left a small legacy to her but not to my nephew!