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Is this the end?

(41 Posts)
Ziggy62 Sun 27-Aug-23 00:04:19

I married a loving, easy going man almost 7 years ago and moved to be with him. A few months into the marriage he showed a different side and during a silly disagreement told me I had to move out and became quite verbally abusive. He quickly calmed down, apologised and explained his first wife had been physically abusive and it brought back bad memories. 2 years ago we had an argument over something stupid like the housework and he hit me, afterwards saying I hit him first (untrue). Some months later during another argument, he physically put me out of the house, ripping my t-shirt and bruising me. I called the police and he was arrested and kept overnight. I didn't make a statement as he would have lost his job. Thankfully all has been good since and I think it gave him a bit of a wake up call.
BUT recently he has been "difficult", if I ask him to do simple things like put the dishwasher on, he will say No, then make out he was just joking.
It happened this evening, I asked why he does it and he says he has every right to say No. He's gone off to bed some time ago.
To be totally honest I would prefer to leave but the house is in his name, I don't earn enough to rent a place on my own and we recently borrowed quite alot of money for home improvements, thinking we could retire in a few years and everything would be done. I don't have any friends or family here. Feeling quite lost.

crazyH Sun 27-Aug-23 20:00:42

How awful - good advice above flowers

rafichagran Sun 27-Aug-23 20:13:54

See a solicitor ASAP, see what you are entitled too and get out quickly. This man is abusive and dangerous, the Police are aware of him also.
Good luck and take

Floradora9 Sun 27-Aug-23 21:23:38


you need to find out how you stand.
see a solicitor.
i presume you don't have a joint bank account.
if you do, i suggest you open one in your name only and move half the balance into it.
do not tell him you want to leave.
information is power.

That is easier said then done how can you take a large sum out of an account and the husband wondering why you did it . You have to make a next egg slowly unless you have control of your own money.

Ziggy62 Sun 27-Aug-23 21:54:14

We don't have a joint bank account, thankfully. The loan I took out for house improvements is in my name, he cashed in a number of small pensions at the same time. I'm going to make an appointment to see a solicitor. He bought our house 7 years ago with co-ownership so neither of us would benefit very much if the house was was sold. I'm really not sure where to go from here. Rental properties are so expensive, I'm. Still working and have a small private pension but not enough to live on. Such a mess

JenniferEccles Mon 28-Aug-23 11:14:08

Not wanting to sound over-dramatic but women have died at the hands of men like this, so please don’t ignore the advice here.

Just a thought, where were you living before you met him and moved in with him?
I presume you sold your house ?

Urmstongran Mon 28-Aug-23 11:27:41

You managed before - near friends and family you say.
Could you not go back to whence you came?
I would.
Good luck.

HousePlantQueen Mon 28-Aug-23 11:37:16

every reply on here has advised you to get out, so please do so. Women's Aid charities are really helpful and have a look at an online legal advice forum for women. Good luck, we are all here if you need a hand hold.

Chloejo Mon 28-Aug-23 12:34:41

Private message sent

Ziggy62 Mon 28-Aug-23 12:52:07

I was privately renting before. I guess I could go back there but money is a big problem at the moment.
I have friends I could stay with but I just can't face that. I just want to go back to being on my own

eazybee Mon 28-Aug-23 13:13:21

Could you get a better paid job, or work longer hours, or find work with accommodation included?
Horrid, I know, but you would be safe?

JenniferEccles Mon 28-Aug-23 17:10:53

A difficult situation for you, but for your own safety you must find somewhere to go.
Were you renting on your own before? Maybe you have reduced your hours recently which is why it would be such a struggle now.

I can understand why staying with friends wouldn’t be anything but a very short term solution, so it seems that, as has been suggested, work is the only way to go.

I hope things work out for you soon.

Luckygirl3 Mon 28-Aug-23 17:14:17

There is lots of good advice above - I just wanted to say I am sorry you are in this unfortunate situation and hope that you will find a route out soon.

Madgran77 Mon 28-Aug-23 19:40:31


I hear all the advice given. But it’s a very big step. Is it possible to live separate lives within the same house?
It’s what I’m trying to do. My last visit to A and E resulted in a letter to my GP detailing the assault. And hopefully that will be a deterrent.

It's a big step indeed! But one that you also need to take I think Amelia Take lots of care flowers

Chloejo Mon 28-Aug-23 20:32:22

Private message sent

welbeck Mon 28-Aug-23 21:00:11

housing benefit ?