My heart is with you. My daughter, son-in-law and four children emigrated to the USA in 2014 and we have seen them once since then, when they visited the UK for her graduation ceremony in January 2020. (She had done a Masters degree through distance learning.) They're very focused on their careers, rarely seem to have holidays and aren't keen to visit the UK but have frequently asked us to visit them, and have offered to pay our air fare. However there have been several reasons (including my ill health, Covid, and now my husband's health problems) why we haven't managed it yet, but I am hoping we will be well enough to make the journey next year. One thing I would advise is to start budgeting for travel insurance, as it isn't cheap for older people, particularly if you have any medical issues.
I have to say that it's very hard at the beginning. There is the shock of being told that they're going, then the planning, the departure (I said goodbye on the previous day, I couldn't bear to go to the airport) and then trying to get used to them being gone. I won't lie to you - it hurts. And sometimes, particularly when you're feeling low about anything, that hurt can flare up from time to time.
But...you do get used to it. Time goes on, the changed circumstances become your new normal and the pain recedes. It gets easier, bit by bit. It helps to start new things. I am not one for joining clubs but I decided that I had to do something different, so I joined u3a, where I met new people and made a good friend. Of course, it also helps if you have other kids here in the UK. I am lucky that my other daughter and three grandkids live nearby, but I realise that not everyone is in this situation. However, I do think it's a good idea to involve yourself with family, whoever they are, and friends as much as possible. It does help you to stop focusing on those who have moved away.
As other people have said, technology helps a lot. Being able to talk to my daughter and her family face to face, to see her house and chat as she is pottering about in the kitchen or sitting out in her garden helps to make me feel much closer to her. You will find that it makes a big difference. It closes the distance so much more than just talking on the phone.
And, of course, the fact that they are having a good life is a big comfort. Even though it's perfectly natural to feel sad,(and you shouldn't beat yourself up about it), you do want the best for them because you're their mum and you love them. I know that my daughter and son-in-law wouldn't have had the same career opportunities, or standard of living, in the UK and the same will probably apply to your daughter.
To be honest, when a child moves far away, you do feel a sort of grief. But it eases with time, helped by the fact that you know they're living their best lives. Take it a day at a time. It will get better, eventually.
Martine4444 Wed 30-Aug-23 22:35:45
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Attlee Sat 02-Sep-23 23:05:04
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Mcbab Tue 05-Sep-23 22:01:18