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Fallen out with a close friend

(41 Posts)
Cambsnan Tue 12-Sep-23 10:04:02

We have been friends for 30 years and been there for each other at times of trouble, divorce and bereavement but fell out 6 months ago. I finally realised that our friendship had morphed into a one sided thing. We always did what she wanted and she laughed at me and encouraged others to do the same. When I put my foot down and said that we should do some things that I wanted she accused me of being selfish and we have not really spoken since. The odd email is all. I miss her but don’t want our old relationship back. Do I reach out or look to other friends to fill the gap?

sandelf Wed 13-Sep-23 15:21:24

Mmm, sounds as though she was the selfish one who didn't like it when you wanted fair goes.

Jaibee12 Wed 13-Sep-23 16:21:44

I’ve found in life that a friendship can often mean less to the other person than it does to me. Sometimes it’s best to just move on and accept that it’s run it’s course. Although it’s more difficult in our mature years there are new friendships to find still.

Esmay Wed 13-Sep-23 16:37:26

That's how toxic friends behave .

Walk away .

Find new friends , who are worthy of your friendship .

I'm reeling from the hurtful behaviour of one of my friends .
I feel so deceived .
And recently , sensing coolness from me she's constantly contacting me .

Recently, I've made new friends ,who are so caring and sweet .

Gingster Wed 13-Sep-23 16:50:38

My lovely friends and I started school together aged 5. We’ve been close friends ever since.(almost 70 years). Bridesmaids and godparents to each other/‘s children.

We’ve never fallen out and would never riducule or speak behind backs. Always supportive through thick and thin.
I’m afraid to say yours are Not true friends

You don’t need her.

campbellwise Wed 13-Sep-23 17:10:28

I had a lovely friendship with a funny, creative and intelligent woman which we both delighted in. Then one day our families all went for an Easter walk and she said”the person with the biggest bottom should go first”.. meaning me. It took another few years before the reality hit me. She was unkind behind my back and that nasty comment should have forewarned me. Let her go…

Gundy Wed 13-Sep-23 17:40:53

This does happen to most people, it’s not unusual, they experience a friendship ending for a variety of reasons - sometimes emotional differences, sometimes they can just fade out quietly - no particular earth shaking reason either, sometimes people move away and it becomes a Christmas card connection. It just happens, not anything you’ve specifically done.

From what you’ve written - I can relate. I too have a friend who is always insisting her way of doing things, going places, even traveling agendas, which is totally tiresome - otherwise they are not happy! I’ve pulled away from her and so have others.

Other than her being insecure and being a control freak, I don’t understand why people can’t for their own sake see what they are doing. They’re not respecting you.
Work on your other friendships or make a few new acquaintances. This is an emotional blow, but don’t fret over this. She owes you an apology.
USA Gundy

Redhead56 Wed 13-Sep-23 20:27:15

A true friend would not laugh in your face so think of it like this. You wouldn’t laugh in her face because you are better than that. She lacks maturity and tact and is consumed by jealousy and insecurity.

You maybe upset by her behaviour but be glad that finally you see her for what she is. Not any kind of friend not now the days of being laughed at are gone hold your head up high.

CrazyMazy Thu 14-Sep-23 09:42:43

Always very sad when a true friendship turns out to be a false one. So hurtful but explore new friendships and enjoy the companionship of others. You will find compassion there and great camaraderie. Hope all goes well. Life happens and try to move on.

gangstergranny Thu 14-Sep-23 10:38:29

Reason, Season, Or Lifetime
People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, It is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are!

They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.

Then people come into your life for a SEASON, Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons – things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. - Unknown Author

Eloethan Thu 14-Sep-23 12:31:06

No, don't try for a reconcilation. She is not a true friend and has not accepted that her behaviour was selfish and unkind.

If a "friend" makes you feel inadequate and unhappy then they are not worth having.

DiamondLily Thu 14-Sep-23 17:36:07

Sometimes we need to assess friendships, even old ones.

When DH died, some of my oldest friends were (and have been) nowhere to be found.

Some newer people, not particular friends, have been great.

People come and they go.

silverlining48 Fri 15-Sep-23 07:42:02

Oh yes DiamondLily a number of my friends, sometimes lifelong, were suddenly absent when my dh and dd were both diagnosed with cancer. I have since made new friends but how sad that some of my oldest friends avoided me and I still don’t understand it.

Primrose53 Fri 15-Sep-23 10:05:29

I had to drop a friend several years ago as she got so possessive. She used to ring me every morning about nothing really.
I had lots of other friends and she used to say nasty things about them to try and put me off but it didn’t.

She fell out with her own elderly Mum who I worked with in a charity shop and they didn’t talk to each other for years. So I would get each of them asking about the other and I was stuck in the middle. Her Mum got very ill and she still refused to see her so I gradually withdrew and now I feel so much better without her in my life.

I always speak if I see her, but that’s it.

V3ra Fri 15-Sep-23 12:46:14


Oh yes DiamondLily a number of my friends, sometimes lifelong, were suddenly absent when my dh and dd were both diagnosed with cancer. I have since made new friends but how sad that some of my oldest friends avoided me and I still don’t understand it.

Sometimes I wonder if people think that the bad things in life are catching?
Or our fault?
Or you'll suddenly be needy and they don't want to help?

We had the same reaction from some people when my husband lost his job, which happened more than once.
I learned not to share bad news with certain people!

tictacnana Fri 15-Sep-23 19:35:00

No. She’s a user. This like another thread on here today. My SIL , who constantly leached off me and expected me to dig her out of all sorts of dilemmas, cut me dead bec I started another relationship instead of being permanently in widows weeds after her brother’s death. Then, a year later , she wanted to know what she’d done wrong and , BTW, could we be friends and could she borrow £ X ! ? I didn’t reply. You are worth much more than a friend who belittles you. Branch out. Make new friends. Do what YOU want to do. A real friend would consider this fair .