Angry at Friend

One friend fell out with me but it was her husbands fault. He always gave us a lift to a class the 3 of us were taking and one night when she was at home sick he made a bit of a pass at me on the way home. The idiot must have gone straight home and told her for the next morning she phoned to tell me they wouldn't be going back and she never spoke to me again.

Another dumped me because of a joke made after a few drinks.
We used to see her and her husband and visit very regularly.
We went to a great party with a fab dj and the music and dancing made the night.
On the way home she moaned about the noise and drink and I made some remark about not all being old miseries or old before our time. They never spoke to us again.

This reminds me of a woman I know who's become paranoid and suspicious of her friends and family. She's cut off 'negative' people and you can't have a serious conversation, although she still has her sense of fun. She now sees the world as dangerous and unpredictable but manages her little life very well.

I don't go to her house now, only her garden - as she's accused others of stealing things, but later found them again. I don't want to risk falling under suspicion, so I go on walks with her and she's welcome in my house.

I believe it's the start of dementia but she won't see a doctor. She hasn't been to her GP or dentist for years. I tried to raise concerns with her daughter but was told 'She's fine, she's just old.' Well yes, physically she's very fit, but mentally? I can't do much so I'll just keep a weather eye on her.

I have had that, somebody copying me, various things, and believe me it is extremely annoying. I think maybe your friend was very irritated and so distanced herself for a while as she said. She got back in touch oncee she had calmed down and has tried to repair the friendship. Might be worth a punt to reciprocate.

nannarose - I would not advise involving a friend’s family nor other acquaintances in finding out if “friend” is upset - or to your thinking - is she becoming ill.

That is such a circuitous route that only exposes OP as being too timid to deal face-to-face with a perceived loss of friendship.

She should just call the “missing-in-action” friend and say “Hey, I get the feeling you are upset with me. I haven’t heard from you. Was it about our last phone call? Talk to me about it… I’d like to know if it was something I said or did.” THAT would be the best way to get an honest reading of what “friend” is feeling.

The problem with that approach is - too many people don’t ever want to do that. 🙁Instead of trying to repair - even giving it a chance to right itself - they lose their friendship. But don’t drag in their family!

At our age we can’t afford to lose friends!
USA Gundy

I understand, Gundy, what you are saying, and don't disagree. But my suggestion was simply about informing them, and only if OP, with her long understanding, would think it helpful.
I think your take is quite straightforward, and basically sensible. Mine was considering the possibility of early dementia.

I would just let her get on with it. She’s not a friend.