Good grief was this totally inappropriate?

Speechless

Picks or something similar was my first thought, as this was out of the blue. And I wondered how you knew he was intoxicated - this disease (like many) can make you sound drunk.

However, I do think you have to back off now, and I'm afraid that I agree with Calistemon.
Let's say it is dementia - it is hard enough for a loving long-term partner to cope with. Almost impossible for a friend. And you have already dealt with on extremely difficult relationship - I wouldn't take on another!

I'm not sure which is easier for you to deal with, but I would imagine the scenario that helps you get over this quickest. And mourn the friendship.

It's not clear if you have friends or aquaintance in common. If anyone asks, you could say that he was saying some odd things that made you feel uncomfortable. That is vague enough.

I would find another waliing companion - possibly a group. I hope you can get over this.

I would have out the phone down, end if friendship drunk or not.

I have a lovely platonic relationship with a man who was one of my late DH oldest friends.
He's never married but been a good friend to many.
He may be gay but not openly.
It's definitely possible to have platonic male friends.

I think there’s only one choice here - move on from him. You would never be able to un hear what he said on the phone, and being alone with him in the car or anywhere would, I’m sure, make you feel very uneasy. Whether it’s a possible sign of dementia, alcohol dependence or not, I think you’d be safer to move on.

No one’s doubting that Grammaretto not the same thing at all perhaps you didn’t read the post properly
I m with everyone else you can’t unhear what you ve heard
you ll never feel easy in his company again

Move on, that sort of inappropriate rant would make me feel uncomfortable. I would also lose respect for him.

What a shame your friendship has to finish became of this unpleasant call.

Isn’t 9 am a bit early to be drunk
though?

I am sorry.

Felicity, it's an enormous red flag, I'm sorry to say.

Thank you so much everyone. I’m so pleased I posted this because the universal response has been close the door on this friendship. Its good advice I needed to hear. I’m very grateful.

Felicity53, yes, you're on the right track. I had a similar experience and there's no possibility of getting back to that happy friendship, I'm afraid, once that line has been crossed.

I also wondered about possible early dementia. It seemed so completely out of character (and unwise) for him to even suggest a relationship.

Later, I thought that perhaps, secretly, he'd been thinking along those lines for quite some time - and waiting for the right moment to make an approach. I was just horrified, as he's married with a family living nearby.

Yes, I did get an apology, which I accepted, although it had to be understood that the friendship was over - permanently.

Dee1012

If he did apologise and you continued the friendship, would you feel totally comfortable with this person, or would there be something in the back of your mind waiting for another occurrence?
Likewise, knowing this is in his mind... could you remain happy and contented with his company?
Personally, I'd be thanking him for his past friendship but telling him in no uncertain terms not to contact me again.

Yeah, me too.
How can you get back your good relationship after that!

Sounds like it could be medical / mental issues.

He has to go! Tell him - text or email if you prefer - that he has said things you found unacceptable and you’d rather not be in touch again. As a friend he’s lost to you any way

You know the answer yourself. End relationship and block him completely.
Shame to his happened to you x

I feel so sad for you Felicity because I think you are hesitating about what to do because you don't want to lose what you've had in terms of friendship. But I'm afraid that the friendship has already gone because I don't see how you could feel the same about this man. Please try to move on - there's somebody better out there who deserves your companionship

The only time anyone has spoken to me like that - out of character - was a shy, polite and quite timid gentleman at work. He was really crude and I was quite shocked but the first aider explained that he was a diabetic and that this was a sign he was getting dangerously low/high (not sure how it works) in sugar. He was fine after a short while and apologised profusely. I just think you should ascertain exactly why he spoke so out of character as, although unlikely, there could be an understandable reason?

Your good friendship has obviously come to its end accept it who needs friends like that.

If you have experienced the trauma of an alcoholic husband, why would you even think about repeating the experience?

How awful for you.

Forget him

Move on, block contact and keep safe

Felicity, keep talking here if you need to, if you find it difficult to terminate this friendship, I agree with most everything said here, but .. keep talking if you need to.... please do not keep up with this friendship.

I would drop the man without a second thought; whether he apologises or not is irrelevant - he has shown you his true colours, maybe under the influence of drink or maybe not. You've already lost one partner through drink and have suffered with that.
No, I would be running away from any further contact with this man. Don't think he's worth it.

Oh dear, how sad. I’m also guessing dementia, 9 am seems too early to be drunk. I note that you said you help him out a lot as he doesn’t drive. Please don’t allow yourself to feel guilty about withdrawing your help as well as your friendship. He has crossed the line and he needs to realise that.

How awful ,
I really think you need to block and swerve this man. You owe him nothing . His abhorrent drunken and highly abusive behaviour means he’s history . If he contacts you tell him exactly what you think and move on .