Good grief was this totally inappropriate?

merlotgran

You will never be able to unhear what he said and you’ve stated you really never want to see him again so don’t!

You’ve dodged a bullet. Move on!

This. Most definitely. Protect yourself - and if you know any of his relatives, suggest that he sees a doctor..!

Oh yuk! Hopefully not dementia . To be drinking at 9am would send alarm bells ringing for me. I would be walking away from this man. Too many red flags

I remember years ago when I was a teenager I had what I thought was a platonic friendship. My Mum said to me then that there is no such thing as a platonic relationship between a man and woman. She was right. (this was in the era before LGBTQ)
It is sad that this man maybe ill but I would not feel comfortable under any circumstances with him. What has been said cannot be unsaid.
Time to move on

whether its illness or alcohol I think you should step away....do you know any of his friends or family you could mention it to though?

You are most definitely not being prudish, and so sad that what you thought was a friendly relationship was perhaps considered more. Sadly, if he does have a drink problem as you suspect - he may not remember the phone call. My Dad was an alcoholic and did this many times, losing many jobs as he generally called his bosses!

If this is the situation could you forget it? I fear this may be a situation to close the door and walk away. Hopefully, he will take the hint, you must protect yourself and you ^do not^deserve to be spoken to in this manner - whether he was drink or not.

9am is very early to be drunk. Is he a diabetic? Was it possible he was having a low which would make him seem drunk; that makes you act completely out of character.
The other thing that occurred to me is that he might have a UTI, another thing which can cause you to be completely inappropriate. I have been on a ward with men with UTI's and it is amazing how they act...one was on his knees believing he was a dog. His wife was so embarrassed as he was still of a working age and in a professional job.
If it wasn't something medical that has upset his balance then definitely run a mile.

As others have said, I wonder if he is unwell, if this is completely out of character.
Urine infections can cause bizarre behaviour, or it may be an indication of something more serious.

Oh poor you - how awful! He has very much overstepped the line of your previous 'friendship,' and words cannot be unsaid. Please tell me that I'm not the only one here that thinks that this should be reported to the police?

You may not be the only female to have experienced this from him. Woukd you ever feel comfortable, confide in him again? Call an end to the friendship in my opinion.

What’s done is done and can’t be undone. You mention your husband died of alcoholism. Would you want to revisit that ir have it in the back of your mind forever, and always on tenterhooks just in case today is the ‘day’.
No, once bitten twice shy, if he asks why you’re distant tell him politely, don’t go into detail and that’s that.
You’re worth better, than a drunken fumble.

Cut all contact regardless of an apology.

The only excuse woul be some form of brain disease or dementia and even then you do not need to keep in contact.

Just end it, not prudish but sensible! Don't have to explain.

I have known chaps who are unacceptably risqué or crude, most were when I was working with people with dementia or alcohol who were disinhibited due to illness and addiction.

Sounds like he wants something from the relationship with you that is bang out of order. It's not something to ignore, don't ever allow yourself to be alone with this man, even if it turns out he's ill and you feel sorry for him. If it was a one off it's still unacceptable and he has to face the consequences. If you have already had a long relationship with an alcoholic perhaps he is aware of that and thinks you are willing to put up with 'bad' behaviour.

Time to close this relationship down and you shouldn't even need to have to tell him why.

Get rid your better off on your own.

So sad for you Felicity53, the only possible excuse is that he's actually ill rather than drunk but that's unlikely to have happened so quickly.
Such a shame for you to lose your friendship but I don't think that there is any alternative.

Yuck, how horrible for you. I’d definitely block and bin him.

Biff immediately!

cc

So sad for you Felicity53, the only possible excuse is that he's actually ill rather than drunk but that's unlikely to have happened so quickly.
Such a shame for you to lose your friendship but I don't think that there is any alternative.

Sorry but that isn't true. A slump in blood sugar happens very quickly and suddenly. With a UTI you might be fine one minute and stark raving bonkers the next. I have quite a bit of experience with both from elderly family members and it is always quite shocking how these things affect them.

Drunk or dementia, I wouldn’t way to go down either road

This man may need medical help then, of some kind- and no one has suggested she see him (at least somewhere public with others around?) to at least mention this to him?-if this is the case he would definitely not remember and so wouldnt ring &apologise, as he'd not know to!-in normal circumstances that (what he said) could be the last thing on his mind!- he could be as horrified by this as you!- or even if in drink- if he normally does not drink then ONE could go straight to his head/system and caused this-especially if on medication of any kind- it doesnt mean he is a raging alchoholic just because previous partner was- you could at least give him chance to explain- and apologise- just dont be alone together.Also maybe all these years he has genuinely thought that what you both had was a genuine 'couple' relationship- but without sex,and that it was time to take the bull by the horns and move on a step to that? Im not saying what he did was apropriate not at all- im just saying there could have been that idea in his mind that all this time you've been 'courting' each other& you were waiting for him to make a next move, so to speak- perhaps he had a drink to give him courage to do so- & if hes not used to booze, well...at least let him explain.Then you can explain you had no idea he felt that way & only wanted friendship- & that you now have to move on..or if its medical then he may have no idea whats happened & as a 'friend' you need to let him know& maybe go to drs with him to explain to them what happened so they know what they may be looking for/dealing with.Only then can you know how to end or continue this 'friendship'- what kind of friend deserts you if you may be genuinely ill? That said- be on your guard and make sure he knows you are platonic only.But he may be totally horrified he has behaved like this! Help him at least to get it investigated.and yes you could have put phone down sooner as someone said,not chosen to listen on & on in first instance.so maybe part of you knows its not like him & he needs help.?

Even ignoring what was said (which of course cannot be done) - Do you want a friendship with someone who is raving drunk at 9 am??!

That’s very sad, something must have triggered him to speak to you like that. Alcohol perhaps but I would end the friendship unless he can apologise and explain his behaviour.

This man may need medical help then, of some kind- and no one has suggested she see him

Well said. Lots of assumptions here especially when the man involved appears to have behaved well over the last few years.

icanhandthemback

^This man may need medical help then, of some kind- and no one has suggested she see him ^

Well said. Lots of assumptions here especially when the man involved appears to have behaved well over the last few years.

I should have said that I may not see him if I felt I might be at risk but I would check to see that he was alright by phone.

I wouldn’t give him the time of day. There’s a saying about the real person emerging in drink. Disrespecting you like that is totally unacceptable

Now this has happened once it will happen again. I agree with others cut your losses this friendship will never be the same again.

Could be a functioning alcoholic or narcissist. Run. Now.
I speak from experience.
Good luck.