Actually in terms of childrens welfare a man with four wives would be much safer than a wife with four husbands. I hadn't thought of that until I was reading up about the media coverage which involved a women and four men.
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I've just discovered 'Sister Wives' on Discovery+, and am hooked 
.
It's about a polygamous family of Mormons in Utah, and I definitely had preconceptions before I watched it. I'm not sure what I expected, but the reality is that the women are 'normal', whatever that means. They share a building (a massive house), but each woman and her children live in her own separate part of it, with the husband the only one without his own space - he 'shares himself' between the wives. I'm only on series one (there are lots of them!) and so far there are four wives.
They are not jealous of one another, and when a new wife comes along they all have a say in who she is and can veto her. Wives have suggested other women as potential sister wives.
All the women (up to now in the series) have been brought up in the Mormon faith, and I think they were all in polygamous families. They don't seem overtly religious, in the sense of having family prayer meetings and the things that some 'fringe' American religious families do. Each woman brings up her own children, but the other wives are on hand to babysit and step in when necessary. The husband probably has the last word, but not obviously so - there are a lot of meetings where things are discussed and the wives all have a say in big collective decisions.
At least some of the women work - the programme hasn't yet gone into the financial side of things. I don't know if the family money is pooled, or whether they each keep what they earn - I don't know what the husband does for a living to afford the massive house and something like 19 children between the wives. They wear normal clothes, unlike the Latter Day Saints lot or the Amish, and you wouldn't spot them if they were next to you in Sainsbury's. Their lifestyle is illegal, so there is a threat of the husband being imprisoned and they have to deny the polygamy to the 'outside world'.
There is strictly no sex outside of marriage for the wives, yet they seem very accepting of their husband's relationship with the other wives (he doesn't stray outside of the family), which I suppose is the first thing that springs to mind as it is so different from what most of us are probably used to.
The women do seem like sisters, and on the face of it seem happy enough. They acknowledge that life is not always wonderful, but is it ever. They have one another on hand, and both share a lot yet have their own possessions and homes.
Could you do it? I don't know - it's very alien, and I'm pretty much certain that I would have hated it when I was younger. Now, the idea of effectively living in a commune, with people of different generations yet having my own space doesn't seem so bad. This lot are probably in their 30s - of childbearing age, anyway. They never seem to make these programmes about older families.
Riiiight . A nice life if you can get it.
For some reason I can't play series 4 on Discovery +. I can see it - all the episodes are there - but there is no 'play' button. I've had to skip it and go to S5. Meri has decided to go back to college, they are in the cul de sac homes, Jonelle has lost weight and had her hair curled - she looks good. Robyn is stressed because Meri is going to college, but I don't know why. They are talking about selling the Utah house - how on earth did they get the money for the new ones (plus all the rent on the previous set-up) without selling the old one.
Kody is getting more irritating. Meri is so patient with him, but he passes the blame for everything onto someone else. Currently he is having a strop because the contractors (whoever they are) haven't given him scale drawings of the Utah house when he hasn't paid them or even hired them yet.
I keep saying to myself that regardless of the personalities, it is the concept of polygamy that is interesting. It's difficult, as it's impossible to watch something like this without getting involved in the 'plot' and thinking about the rights and wrongs, yet I know that if someone filmed any marriage in such detail there would be splinters and cracks.
I’m finding this series so interesting. I am on Series 2 so have a lot more to get through.
I think it is their choice of lifestyle and if it works for them, that is fine. Certainly would not be for me. They are very open about most things except how they finance all their homes etc. Very unclear what jobs they do, possibly their employers do not want to be named or be filmed in any way. Interesting that each subsequent wife appears to have been a ‘younger model’. Nothing changes there then! 
I doubt that there would be scope for many places of work to have a camera crew and lighting technicians all over the place .
I'm not honestly sure which series I'm on now, as it just plays in the background, and I listen properly when something interesting happens or I need a distraction from work, but things are still relatively happy, although not quite so smiley as at the start.
I know from various sources that there is a long way to go though. I suspect that where I'm at might be the beginning of the end - Kody is in the process of adopting Robyn's children, and hasn't had his silly perm yet.
Interestingly, Facebook knows I am watching it. I keep getting reels with clips, which is disconcerting. I am going to dig about in the settings to stop if from doing that, but meanwhile, I am even more aware of the future trajectory than before.
I can understand that, Hetty. I don't think I could get over a betrayal like that either. The difference is that the people involved don't feel the same. It's not a betrayal, as they are fully aware of the other wives, and even introduced the incoming ones to the husband, plus plural marriage is their 'normal'. I can't imagine that myself, and in some ways the cultures that have the first wife as an authority figure and the subsequent ones in strict rank order seem more in line with human nature than this arrangement.
Having said that, it's surprising what people will accept if they are brought up to see it as normal.
In many ways, it is never going to be possible to get a glimpse into a 'typical' arrangement like this. As is becoming clear, Kody has narcissistic tendencies, and the wives (with the probably exception of Meri) are extrovert enough to be comfortable with having cameras intruding on their personal lives. That's not for everyone, so a huge swathe of their population are ruled out before the start. No one family can be representative of a culture, so it is already impossible to make judgements on the basis of the series, however many episodes there are, and given the particular nature of the family dynamics it is even more difficult to draw conclusions.
It's still fascinating though
I couldnt do it with anyone and definitely not with Kody. Is it me or is that man not the most petulant and annoying man child?
Oh he's dreadful . That's the problem - it's so hard to be open minded about the 'system' when the only husband is such a pillock.
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