Lack of connection, lack of joy.

Onwardsandupwards, (6 Nov)

I think when he told you about experiences with another man you ought to have opened the conversation as to his feelings in this area.

It might explain what's been happening throughout the years you've felt neglected. Communication is the secret of happy relationships. If the question remains unanswered ask yourself what future will lay ahead.

Just a genuine observation.

When your reach maturity the opportunities to extend ones horizon is endless. There are lot's of places you can visit, either for a day or a weekend. Lot's of different groups to join.

Just a change of environment for the day helps.

I'm luck where I live in that my free travel pass allows me to use it on Buses and Trains. Chester, West Kirby, New Brighton, Southport. All offer a new horizon and engaging with people.

Perhaps it presents new friendships to open for you.

Martin0987; I think OnwardandUpward would be able to "read"her DH in that she would know him well enough to gauge how he would welcome conversation about the issue he had in his youth.She was probably wondering if he would open up and talk about said issue at a time of his choosing.From what the OP has said in her posts her DH does not communicate a lot therefore is unlikely to welcome" interrogation.

Nana75: OnwardsandUpward has been through difficult times on the communication with her DH. I doubt she is a Lady who anyone would consider an interrogator. She has the patience of a Saint and has never displayed and annoyance. That's a special trait to have considering the abuse she has seen in a previous relationship.

Never suffer in silence. Always seek answers in Life.

Nana75 / OnwardsandUpwards,

In my previous posts I mentioned that communication is the key. With that in mind I went through the post's again and comments from Onward.

In the comments her Husband tells her a man touched his private area and he got excited. A friend of his said he was gay. The Husband tells Onward he thinks he might be gay.
You don't require a Counsellor to explain the Birds and Bees. Common sense informs he is Bi or Gay in the situation if he feels excitement when a man touches him in a sexual manner

As well as communication, one has to "Listern" to what's already been said and analyse it. Perhaps then the way forward has some clarity for the Lady.

The husband is lacking communication because of the hurt it would cause to his wife who has suffered hurt in the past. It's certainly not helping his wife if is she is seeking the assistance of a Counsellor. Is that not cruelty in itself?

I very much doubt being gay has much to do with "the birds and the bees"!However I think we should leave Onward to decide how to proceed with communication with her DH.She,after all is the expert in knowledge of her relationship

Nana75. I bow to your opinion and wisdom as a woman. A Lady has a wealth of experience. I respect that. Opinions are healthy

I was wondering how everything is now for OnwardandUpward? Hoping her plans re workbook are proving useful.

Nana75 11 Dec:
Hopefully her plans will enable her to construct a new chapter in Life. Onwards and Upwards seems an appropriate theme to follow.
I hope the Festive Season is a nice time for everyone. And a peacefully one too.

Why live in a safe boring relationship, sounds like neither of you live a happy life? You both need to have a discussion and plan either to do something about your relationship or go your separate ways. Life’s great living alone, you can pick and choose who you want to spend time with and do what you like. It’s not easy alone, but life is what you make it. You only life once….

Have you asked him if he is happy? If he is, then you need to make a decision as to whether you are willing to live as (at best) housemates and accept that or whether it is worth calling an end to it. If he isn't happy, maybe you should try a counsellor again. The fact that he doesn't like talking with a third person there (who really does?) might make that difficult, but if he is unhappy, he may need to accept that in order so you can BOTH have a happier life.

PS Or maybe he would consider seeing a counsellor on his own, so he could explore his sexuality and any other issues he may have, plus whether he is happy in his marriage with you. Might be worth a chat along those lines ... Good luck.