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Problems with my adult son part 2

(58 Posts)
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Notjustaprettyface Thu 25-Jan-24 08:37:46

I posted mid December about the problems I was having with my adult son .
I received lots of replies for which I am grateful and I took on board some of your advice so we did make up .
Although I think the stress of it all was a factor in me having to go into hospital over new year .
But anyway , just over a month later , problems have resurfaced again .
It’s my son’s child s birthday tomorrow so my GC and on Saturday , they want to take her to the zoo ; they have invited me and the other grandparents. Unfortunately, my husband can’t come as he is still in a nursing home .
My daughter so my sons sister would have liked to come as she has a free pass for that zoo and 3 young kids to keep happy on a January afternoon.
My son has said a firm no to this request and my daughter knows this although he hasn’t had the courage to tell her to her face.
I stand with my daughter on this as I would have loved to go out with all 4 grandchildren and I want them to be close as cousins.
Looking back. The problems always seem to be around my daughter so I think my son is jealous of her and he is jealous of how close I am to her children .
I am going to the zoo on Saturday but it will be tense as I really don’t agree with what he’s done
His wife , my DiL is not saying anything but I suspect she says a lot behind the scenes although I can’t prove it
So I have told my son how I feel and this has triggered another row and him saying a lot of hurtful things to me and being mildly threatening regarding me seeing them inc the gc
So here we are
I am very worried about the future for our family , my daughter doesn’t want anything to do with him now and I don’t know how this relationship can be repaired

I feel he ought to phone his sister and if not apologise at least explain to her his decision about the zoo
I wanted a close family but it looks like I can’t achieve it
What do you think.?

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rafichagran Thu 25-Jan-24 20:08:45

You have ruined it for yourself. The invitation was to you not your daughter, by telling your son you made him angry.
Not everything is a drama, stop creating it and enjoy your time with your son.

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nannyjoe Thu 25-Jan-24 20:17:58

Go to the zoo celebrate the child whose birthday it is .Your son and daughter are adults let them get on with it .I have sisters i have nothing to do with ,its hurtful but you have to get on with your life and let them get on with theirs.

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M0nica Thu 25-Jan-24 20:30:24

Try putting yourself in their place. You have a friend you have fallen out with terminally so you do not ever want to be in her company again, but another friend of yours is convinced that it is all a storm in a teacup and you should just get together and sort your problmes out, so she keeps trying to engineer opportunities for you and your ex-friend to be together and share meals, no matter what you say to her.

What will you eventually do? What would normally happen is that after a while you would have 2 ex-friends because one will not accept that the friendship is over.

This is your situation. Your children do not want to see each other and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it
So just accept the situation and see them both, but separately.

If you don't you will end up estranged from both children and complaining on GN that you do not know why your children have estranged you.

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BlueBelle Thu 25-Jan-24 21:36:58

Rare that everyone agrees on here
You need to be completely neutral and see each family separately it’s the only way

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Summerlove Thu 25-Jan-24 22:26:11

I think you should have minded your own business.

I think you should apologize to your son for getting in the middle of his relationship with his sister

If you want a day out with all four of your grandchildren it’s up to you to arrange it

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Grams2five Fri 26-Jan-24 01:48:24

Summerlove

I think you should have minded your own business.

I think you should apologize to your son for getting in the middle of his relationship with his sister

If you want a day out with all four of your grandchildren it’s up to you to arrange it

And given the situation I would
Suggest she try to arrange it either. She may need to just give up on the all four together for now

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MercuryQueen Fri 26-Jan-24 04:46:18

You were invited, as a guest, to celebrate your granddaughter’s birthday.

You proceeded to make it about your feelings.

This wasn’t, and should never have been about you.

Quit trying to control your son and his relationships. He’s a grown adult. Respect his boundaries or find yourself in a worse situation than before. It’s been what, a month? maybe? since the previous situation, and you’re already back to trampling his boundaries and trying to make him obey you, to put what you want ahead of himself and his family.

Stop it.

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