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Returning home after surgery

(94 Posts)
Scardeycat Sat 16-Mar-24 19:06:36

We are both 71, I am soon to undergo surgery for a total knee replacement. He is fairly fit for his age.
If I am deemed to be recovering well after surgery, its possible I could be discharged the same or the next day.
I would be very happy with that but it is clear I probably won't be able to climb stairs for a few days more.
Here lies the problem.
My husband thinks if I am to be discharged then I should be able to climb stairs to the bedroom.
Therefore he is refusing to move furniture around so that a single bed can be brought down for me because it's too disruptive, difficult and inconvenient.
It's actually very do-able with help already being offered. I can't change my situation.
I'm hurt beyond words that after 35 years together he is being so stubborn and uncaring.
Am I being unreasonable?

Sawsage2 Mon 18-Mar-24 17:31:52

We often stay with Premier Inns. I can go straight from the car to the disabled room on my mobility scooter (I hate lifts).

supergabs1960 Mon 18-Mar-24 17:41:41

I had a TKR last year. Not allowed home until I could go up and down stairs. It's not as difficult as you think it's going to be, especially if you have a hand rail both sides. I didn't use crutches, just a walking frame (one upstairs, one down, supplied by the hospital Occupational Therapist. Fairly quickly onto 2 sticks, then one. They also supplied a frame for each toilet to help lower oneself gracefully wink

ginny Mon 18-Mar-24 17:48:24

I don’t think the OP said that her husband didn’t want to do anything for her , just didn’t want to move the bed.
To be honest , having had both knees replaced and knowing lots of other people who have, none of them have needed a bed bought downstairs.
There may be some particular reason why OP needs this but she ha come back to tell us.

Nicolenet Mon 18-Mar-24 17:50:15

Why do you keep uncaring husband? Get rid of him.

DiamondLily Mon 18-Mar-24 18:20:01

You are not usually discharged until you can do stairs. It shouldn’t be an issue.🙂

karmalady Mon 18-Mar-24 18:27:49

NotSpaghetti

I don't know why so many are assuming the husband is mean or selfish?

Surely using the stairs is a good thing to do post surgery.

Scaredycat may just be scared... Or the sort of person that needs some pushing??
We don't know anything about the husband's reasons really.

This. It could well be that the husband is unsure about his capability now that he is older. Perhaps he is very worried about damaging himself, when he will obviously be needed to help look after the OP

4allweknow Mon 18-Mar-24 20:59:22

Inless ypu can give assurace you do not to climb stairs for sleeping, toileting very much doubt you will be discharged. Physio will assess you on use of stairs.

ginny Mon 18-Mar-24 22:23:20

4allweknow

Inless ypu can give assurace you do not to climb stairs for sleeping, toileting very much doubt you will be discharged. Physio will assess you on use of stairs.

These days I doubt they would keep anyone in if they were fit in other ways ,
Everyone I know has climbed stairs from the first day home. As long as you have a downstairs toilet , it is only once a day.

Pippa22 Mon 18-Mar-24 23:01:22

I think your husband will be more of a problem than your operated knee.
I have recently had two new knees six months apart. I was in hospital for two nights with both and came home with a lot of equipment. I had a toilet seat frame, perching stool, bath seat, shoe horn, shower leg protector, shower seat and of course crutches. All this equipment was returned as it became redundant. I live alone in a house with a lot of stairs and a turn halfway. I was slow going up and down but that was o.k. and it was part of my therapy. My daughter stayed the first night but otherwise I managed and it wasn’t too tricky. Being on your own you learn to be inventive generally and that helped.

Milest0ne Mon 18-Mar-24 23:18:01

After surgery.
1. Friend was told by the physio that he couldn't go home till the physios had looked his home,-----the following week. despite being discharged by the surgeon.
2 cousin had to wait from being discharged at 10.30am till she got her meds at 5pm
3 OH was discharged at 11am Wednesday and arrived home at midnight Thursday as he had to wait for meds.

Hope your knee op and recovery go well Scaredy-cat.

DrWatson Tue 19-Mar-24 00:40:59

Lots of good advice, you'll be shown all about stairs, and assessed re frame, crutches or walking sticks. As someone said, there's an ABC routines going up (Able, Bad, Crutch) and CBA coming down. DO ALL the exercises they tell you, AND THEN some more!!

Re Hubby and the upstairs downstairs thing, I think he's trying to make sure you DO use those stairs, no hiding on the ground floor for weeks. As someone shrewdly said, he could come up stairs behind you, and descend in front, so a team effort?!

tictacnana Tue 19-Mar-24 01:07:28

You won’t be discharged until you can do stairs. I had a hip replacement on my ‘good’ leg ( my other one is partly paralysed) and I had lots of coaching on stairs before returning home. It’s good to tackle them asap. A bed downstairs is definitely not advisable . Your husband most likely wants you back to normal. My OH encourages me to be as active as possible and to do things I’ve been told that aren’t feasible with my degree of ‘injury’. I think your chap is being cruel to be kind. Don’t be hurt. Embrace the challenge.

HomeAgain123 Tue 19-Mar-24 08:26:43

Perfect solution

helsbels6 Thu 21-Mar-24 22:16:36

In my experience as both a physiotherapist and a patient you will not be discharged until you are safe on stairs.
Good luck

ginny Thu 21-Mar-24 22:34:52

I think we are all talking to ourselves.

Catterygirl Fri 22-Mar-24 00:26:08

I live in a maisonette. No accommodation downstairs so have no choice but to climb the stairs to reach our living space. Twisty turny stairs. Really struggling.
I do hope you manage in your recovery.

NotSpaghetti Sat 23-Mar-24 22:18:43

ginny

I think we are all talking to ourselves.

I think you are right... 🤣

I suppose I'm actually talking to you now though... so maybe not!

ginny Sun 24-Mar-24 00:01:46

😁 Well the OP hasn’t come back. I hope her homecoming goes well but I suspect she thought we would all agree with her.