Returning home after surgery

My friend was able to do stairs on his bum, with his good leg, is that an option? Bedtime is only once a day but rather more challenging if there's no downstairs loo....

I think that your problem is not really the practical one of stair management but rather how unhelpful your husband is being.

Have you tried spelling out to him in black and white how his refusal to move the furniture is making you feel - he might well not comprehend the impact that his behaviour is having on your feelings, how it appears as though you are not very high up in his priorities and that you feel unloved,, unloved, unsupported and unappreciated by his behaving in this way.

You shouldn’t be discharged until you can do stairs. It would be extremely good for you do keep going upstairs to bed. A decent chair downstairs with your leg up during the day. And so very important to work hard at the exercise before and after the op.

Maybe you should have a discrete chat with the discharge nurse along the lines off your DH doesn’t appear to show any compassion or consideration about your concerns. My OH, and others are similar. Good luck with your recovery and hope your anxiety is addressed by someone. I guess you would prepare for the worse if it was him.

I’ve had both hips and both knees replaced. I was told how to manage the stairs - worked fine- no problems- I was in hospital for 3 days. You do exactly what Lizziethelab says here. All the best 🤗

when my oh had his knee replacement a few years ago....like others have said,, they make sure you can climb stairs before sending you home, oh failed the first time, but managed the following day. apart from that he was on strong painkillers for a day or two following the op. he also had excersises to do every day...when oh was using the stairs, I walked behind him when going up, and in front of him coming down,,,I didn't even go to the shops unless someone else was in the house with him....so I don't think you're being unreasonable wanting your bed downstairs,,,I think your oh is being unreasonable...

Primrose53

Another alternative would be to speak to the hospital. They will ask you whether you live alone and who will be there to support you. If you have no support they won’t send you home. You could always explain the situation as you’ve told it to us and they might have a word with your husband or keep you in a bit longer.

My husband has proved to be utterly useless at doing anything when I am ill, to the point of him completely ignoring me. When I had Covid and spent 3 days in bed all I had was a water bottle I refilled in the bathroom and a packet of biscuits.
Because of this, when I next end up being admitted, I will book myself into a hotel with room service to recover.
I never imagined for one moment I would need to do this 🤷🏼‍♀️

My husband is 66 and had one done last year and is due to have the other in 3 weeks. He was not allowed home until he could climb stairs. They show you how to do it and how to descend too. I would be very hurt too as it's very selfish as you are clearly very worried. He could have said he would see how you were first. Good luck x

Just wanted to say, my mum was discharged from hospital without her feet ever touching the floor, never mind stairs. (She had been given a hip repair after breaking it)

We are same age and were in same position. DH had total knee op and was released next day from hospital after they checked he could (sort of) climb stairs with 2 crutches.. luckily we have a downstairs loo and he did initially use a bottle, but only needed to go up and down stairs once a day. It was tough for the first couple of weeks though.

I hope you have a downstairs loo because it does make life so much easier after surgery of any type.

You will not be discharged until to can negotiate the stairs.

Is he going to be the cook or is he expecting you to do a batch cook and freeze?

I live on my own and I organised a weekly cleaner who would also change my bedding. I could pop items in my washing machine and hang them up indoors. I live on my own and have had both knees replaced at different times.

Many years ago I decided to future-proof so I have 2 raised loos and a shower, no bath. I also have a stairlift because after a #dislocation of an ankle, post surgery I was non-weight bearing and could not cope.

I suppose that selfish bastard would manage to cope admirably if in your situation. You do what is right for you and good luck.

Very well put.

I had a total knee replacement at the end of November last year and the first few weeks are not easy. You will have a lot of pain so make sure you have some decent painkillers to hand. (I had Oramorph). You will find it difficult to climb stairs for the first week or so. Sitting on the toilet is also mission until you get the hang of it. I bought a frame that sits over the toilet so I could support myself as I sat down and stood up. Without the frame you need something close by that you can hold on to. I’m so sorry that your husband is being stubborn. I hope he’ll give you the support you need after your op. I wish you a speedy recovery 💐

I don't know why so many are assuming the husband is mean or selfish?

Surely using the stairs is a good thing to do post surgery.

Scaredycat may just be scared... Or the sort of person that needs some pushing??
We don't know anything about the husband's reasons really.

A little while after my H R, I booked a disabled room in a Premier Inn.
The wet room was great but the bed was so low!
We immediately asked to change our room.
Of course the shower is over the bath but fortunately the side of the bath was low enough for me to cock my leg over.
Also, some Premier Inns don't have a lift.
Hope all goes well with your surgery...

Not being discharged until you can climb stairs …..don’t know what country you folks are in ….but I’m in the south of England and my freind was discharged 8 weeks before she could even attempt the stairs !
She had three toes removed , and an arterial bypass in leg with roughly 70 staples.
Her son moved a bed downstairs and she was expected to use a commode ….
This is the realities of NHS treatment today!
Last week she managed stairs for first time …

I have to ask whether you are assuming that your husband is not doing as you ask because it is too difficult or inconvenient or whether it is an assumption on your part as to his motives. If it is because it is too difficult maybe he isn't being unkind but recognising his limitations but if it the latter, then that seems to be unkind. Alternatively, if it is an assumption, a calm conversation as to where his concerns lay. For all you know, he may be more concerned that you are going to be discharged much earlier than you should be because of convenience of the hospital rather than you.
Whatever your husband's motives, I do hope your operation goes well.

Scardeycat

After a total knee replacement operation in the UK, you will not be discharged until you can have demonstrated that you can go up and down stairs.

You will be shown how to use one stick/crutch on steps and you must have a stair rail to hang onto with the other hand.

It will be hard and slow at first but you will get better at it.

P.S. Your husband sounds like he is in denial. Knee replacement is a major operation, more so than a hip replacement because hips don't need to bend in the same way.

Hope all goes well, it will be worth it in the end.

My husband is disabled. We always book an accessible room with a wet room and they raise the bed for us with “elephant” feet.

This is at Premiere Inn.

Politely ask him what he would like you to do for him when he needs,new hip,new knee etc. We all get older & things happen to people who think they are immune—— he may fall off a ladder——-people are not kept in hospital as long as they used to be,best to be prepared,or just sit on the bottom step & tell him he will have to carry you,sorry a bit tongue in cheek,good luck with your surgery.

Some men are hopeless. My friend’s partner pretty much left her to it when she had a TKR the other year. He cleared off down to his shed/workshop every day and she would often cry as she felt really low as she couldn’t drive or go anywhere for weeks.

I had covid then shingles recently and had a few days in bed but still got up to make the evening meal! When I was heavily pregnant with twins I commented that I could hardly reach the sink. My husband said “all you need to do is change the position of your feet.” He honestly thought he was being helpful. 😱😝😱😝

Hosp physio will ensure you can manage stairs with your crutches before you leave so don’t worry about that.
Your husband is being a pig (sorry)…
When home I would advise going up and downstairs because I’ve had two TKRs and I still have trouble going downstairs because it was straight as Covid hit literally and my physio was on the phone, etc…although ALL exercises done.
Good luck ice ice ice and take your pain relief before you’re doing your exercises. Look after yourself.

If you are having a knee or hip operation , you won’t be discharged until you can climb stairs. Provided you have a downstairs loo you only have to do the stairs once a day,

I’d be hurt by the perceived lack of concern too, (I’ve never had a knee op so can’t say how you would feel after your operation) what I would do before my surgery is bring down bedding for use on a settee until you feel more confident about using the stairs (I’m hoping that you have a downstairs toilet), which I’m hoping your husband will shadow you up and down the stairs in case you struggle