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My first gf accepted my request, is it worth messaging her?

(33 Posts)
fazersa Tue 19-Mar-24 15:28:25

I was with my first love for 3 years before we broke up nearly 10 years ago. We were young and in our early 20s back then, things just fizzled out.

I've always thought about her but eventually we went our separate ways, she got in to a relationship with another guy for a few years but eventually he ended up cheating on her, this was around 2017.

After her breakup in 2017 I confessed my feelings for her but we didn't go anywhere with it as she was still healing so I told her I need to cut her off at the point because I told her I was struggling to be just friends with her, to which she said that she was heartbroken that's it come to us parting ways. But we wished each other well and went our separate ways.

At the start of 2019, she did add me on social media but she didn't say anything to me so a few days later I ended up deleting her because I realised I still wasn't over her.

At the end of 2019 I heard that she was engaged, she ended up getting married but then I heard she got divorced around a year and a half ago. A few weeks ago I found out that the reason for her divorce was because her husband cheated on her and was abusive towards her. They got divorced around early 2022.

As for me I have been single for a few years now, I have been evolving in my career and proud of how far I've come and have recently started a new chapter in my career. I considered getting in touch with her a few months ago but I noticed that she had cut off a lot of people from her social media so I wasnt too sure how she'd react to me adding her, I thought she'd reject me seen as she's cutting off a lot of people.

So around 6 weeks ago I took the plunge seen as I had nothing to lose and sent her a request on instagram, and she has accepted and also followed me back. She's been viewing my stories and a few weeks ago I posted a life quote on my story which she liked, I haven't spoke to her yet. Last week I posted a quote that said 'be the reason for someone's pain to turn into a smile', she liked that quote too.

I'm tempted to send her a message but not sure if she'll respond or how she'd react, I was hoping she'd message me first but don't think she will and I want to tread very carefully with her as I don't really know where her mind is given what she's been through. I know I may be overthinking it but any advice would be appreciated, thanks

Germanshepherdsmum Tue 19-Mar-24 15:36:45

Why would you ask a bunch of grannies?

Cossy Tue 19-Mar-24 15:37:47


Why would you ask a bunch of grannies?

Haha I was just about to ask the same thing!

Sago Tue 19-Mar-24 15:38:53

And another……

Gin Tue 19-Mar-24 15:41:33

Does he think we are agony aunts?

AGAA4 Tue 19-Mar-24 15:43:21

Affairs of the heart are ancient history to me now. No interest and wouldn't have a clue.

Skydancer Tue 19-Mar-24 15:43:56

Indeed. Why ask us?

Norah Tue 19-Mar-24 15:45:56

Same old story, new poster.

We've no idea what you should, except perhaps type to MN.

Lizziethelab Tue 19-Mar-24 15:50:01

Well I think he should just go for it and stop dithering about. If she says no then he knows to move on and if she says yes then winner winner!

BlueBelle Tue 19-Mar-24 15:51:41

Ask on mumsnet they ll sort your love life and you, out
Probably another scam post

Germanshepherdsmum Tue 19-Mar-24 15:52:01

Faint heart ne’er won fair lady.

Grannynannywanny Tue 19-Mar-24 15:56:48

Oh for the days when romancing didn’t need to be conducted through social media. My head hurts just reading that OP.

kittylester Tue 19-Mar-24 16:36:46

Easter hols.

Astitchintime Tue 19-Mar-24 16:41:58


Does he think we are agony aunts?

Well.........I am IN agony today, my arthritis is really playing up! Does that count? Perhaps he got his wires crossed. grin

JollyJilly Tue 19-Mar-24 16:44:41

Perhaps he thought with our experience of life we may have the answer to his problems.

pascal30 Tue 19-Mar-24 16:49:57

poor thing.. ask your mates

MissAdventure Tue 19-Mar-24 16:50:37

Perhaps because older allegedly means wiser.

Oh, give it a go.
Ask her, message her.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Callistemon21 Tue 19-Mar-24 17:00:41

What's instagram? confused
Is that like a telegram?


Cossy Tue 19-Mar-24 17:05:09


What's instagram? confused
Is that like a telegram?


Yes another much used social media site where pictures are used and fewer words. Snapchat is yet another where photos feature then vanish (so I’m told!)

Callistemon21 Tue 19-Mar-24 17:09:39

Thanks Cossy
I still use a quill pen.

I think OP is on the wrong site 😁

VioletSky Tue 19-Mar-24 17:12:34


This woman wants nothing from you but friendship and you have 2 ways of looking at it

You can see yourself as "friend zoned" and be hurt that despite your accomplishments she refuses to see more in you

You can realise that you have put this woman in the "girlfriend zone" when that is not what she wants and you could have had a lovely long lasting friendship

Time to let go of this romantic interest and move forward with your life, it is not healthy for you

Dottydots Tue 19-Mar-24 19:13:01

If she won't have you, what about me? 82 and still have my own hair and teeth!

VioletSky Tue 19-Mar-24 19:31:51


Over there, on the chair, are my teeth my false leg and my hair

JaneJudge Tue 19-Mar-24 19:34:54

someone liking your posts means nothing. If you want to get in touch with her you will have message her
let us know how it goes

Callistemon21 Tue 19-Mar-24 19:35:53