Resentment

Well at the moment you are second guessing him, so you will at least need to have the conversation.

Were you intending to go travelling and leave him at home? Or were you going to wait until he retires?

No matter, tell him that you can’t both retire as there won’t be enough money coming in to continue your standard of living.

If he digs his heels in then you have another conversation to mull over, before you make a decision.

In a loving relationship it doesn't matter who earns what. Money is pooled and becomes 'our money.'
Your husband doesn't sound very loving to me. He sounds selfish. It's hurtful that he he doesn't take time out of his sports to celebrate your birthday.
What exactly are you getting from this relationship?

People will treat you the way you let them, he would not know about your resentment as you seem to have put his needs first since being together.

I would tell him in a calm manner that you will not be sharing your money, remembering this will come as a surprise to him.

This has come up on here before but with the roles reversed, with most replies being scathing towards the man earning more and complaining that the wife did not contribute the same.

It sounds as though him coming from a poor background and never progressing much above the minimum wage is a cause of resentment. Sad to think that after 30 years of marriage there is no emotional connection. That does not bode well for a happy retirement together.

Isn,t marriage supposed to be a partnership? I think as far as I remember vows to "share my worldly goods".Probably not the correct wording but.....! My DH had a far higher salary than I had and obviously his pension(private) is higher than mine.This has never been an issue between us.We each have our personal money but everything else is" shared ".No arguments about who pays for what!

presumably this was not an arranged marriage.
you picked him.
did you have to get married.
did you not notice these traits before you married.
did you not discuss what you expected of family life, what your ideal would be.
basically it sounds like you accepted a kind of marriage of convenience for many years.
if you want to change the set-up now, you will have to think how you will proceed and the implications.

In a loving relationship it doesn't matter who earns what. Money is pooled and becomes 'our money.'

I agree with this. But I appreciate not everyone would.

How early is his early retirement? 1 year? 5 years or more?

Does he want to retire early because you are retired?
You need to ask him directly how he proposes to fund his future retirement, and have a very frank look at future financial needs and expenditure, including his sporting activities.

You sound as though you feel as if you have earned your retirement; he sounds as though he has coasted through his life with your support being taken entirely for granted.
You need to ask yourself how much value you put on your marriage; you don't get much emotional support and I wonder if you would be happier living independently.

AGAA4

In a loving relationship it doesn't matter who earns what. Money is pooled and becomes 'our money.'
Your husband doesn't sound very loving to me. He sounds selfish. It's hurtful that he he doesn't take time out of his sports to celebrate your birthday.
What exactly are you getting from this relationship?

This is true but the OP doesn't sound loving either. I would ask what are either of you getting from this relationship?

Those of us fortunate enough to have found a true love would not feel resentful sharing our pension pot in order to do things together (whilst still able).

You need to ask yourself how much value you put on your marriage; you don't get much emotional support and I wonder if you would be happier living independently.

Just bear in mind that your financial assets will be shared 50:50 if you divorce...

Just bear in mind that your financial assets will be shared 50:50 if you divorce...

That is what I was thinking. But wasnt sure of my facts.

You’re in a difficult position, legally your assets including pension are shared.

Sadly you’ve let him coast in your marriage for too long and now he legally has all the rights in this scenario.

If it was an unspoken assumption what led you to know what he expects.

Babyshark
Was your reference let him coast in your marriage a reference to his lower paid jobs.

I would ask him how he intends to fund this early retirement??Youve let him walk all over you for the whole of your marriage. Time to stop.

Divorce is not always the answer, you will have to share everything. Get him to explain how he is going to pay half the bills with no money coming in?? MIGHT make him stop and think.

It’s a cliche I know, but relate councilling may help you both to help discuss this issue in a calm manner together, with a third person present. Much less emotive!

It seems to me that you married an emotionally unavailable man and have supported him financially for the last 30 years.

Start a spreadsheet with your pension as the only income and list all your outgoings, everything including food shopping, car tax, petrol. Show it to your husband as prove that it is not feasible for both of you to retire early on just one pension.

Tell him you expect him to pay half towards the monthly outgoings and fund his own hobbies ie, going away to play his sports.

This seems to depend on how you wish your retirement to be lived. If you wish to go travelling... whether you wish to go together or alone.. There certainly needs to be some realistic planning here. As he has chosen to prioritise sport over you and the family I would tend towards making plans for yourself.
Maybe you could just fund your own activities and have a joint fund that covers the basics to keep the house afloat..

But he needs to be aware of the financial implications of his early retirement..

I don't think the financial thing is the issue. It doesn't matter who earns most, male or female. I would be more concerned about the lack of wanting to be a loving partner.

I think this all sounds a bit sad on counts. Have a really good think about what you actually want and then have that conversation with him.

You don’t mention your children or if you have any grandchildren? Just wondered what your AC might think.

Life is very short and very precious, think and act very carefully.

OP can you go part-time ie semi retirement with both putting equal amounts into a joint bills pot, then `pocket money` for each of you

It is a sad situation, I am one of those, as soon as we were married, we shared eveything and he funded me when I retired, no question

I get the impression that you are both to blame for what seems a very cold marriage. There must have been something nice in the beginning, perhaps work on getting that back rather than money having such divisive power

There must have been something nice in the beginning, perhaps work on getting that back rather than money having such divisive power

Great advice.
I can't believe how many people seem to think that the money going into the joint pot needs to be the same from each partner. In my own wider family there are families with massive income discrepancies and I'd hate to see this money-focus grow there.
My own income is a fraction of my husband's and we share what we have according to our needs and preferences. When I inherited from my parents that was our money and we spent it both together and separately.

Please look at what you have aside from money!

Talk to him. Just talk. Doesn’t matter if you sound bitter or whatever. Until you’ve done that everything else is guesswork. After that you can make your choices. And if divorce is the answer and if he is entitled to half then just do it and embrace the rest of your life. Good luck.

Women spent years campaigning against the assumption that just because a man earned more than the women he is entitled to more control of the money and more on divorce. What would we be saying if a woman posted that her husband expected her to work longer as she did not earn as much as him.

Do not fund his hobbies, he needs to put in equal share of household utilities, it's not your fault he did not want to progress much above a minimum wage job, and loved his hobbies.
A spreadsheet is a good idea,show him how much he needs to contribute to be able to retire early.