What would you do next...

Say nothing to either party…

Good advice from Pantglas. As the late Queen said “Never complain, never explain”. Sending you a big hug.

If your dad has taken the time and trouble to write you a letter I think he deserves a reply.
You don't have to go into any details, just say you're sorry your daughter has involved them.

Just don't rise to her baiting. As KGee says, never complain never explain. If she starts ranting walk away, never respond. Do not let her involve you in arguments, walk away. Go to another room, do something else. Wonline contact either do not respond or make neutral replies, just acknowledging tat you ahve received the communication.

With phone calls, just say @i am not prepared to discuss this' - and, if necessary put the phone down on her.

For someone to be a bully, someone has to agree to be bullied. Don't agree to be bullied, in whatever form, walk away.

For someone to be a bully, someone has to agree to be bullied. Don't agree to be bullied, in whatever form, walk away.

This 👍

Tell your parents you are ok, you are rising above it and they are not to worry or get involved.

Of course, now she has involved them they are bound to worry, but you can reassure them you're dealing with the situation.

Ignore.

The fact that she is involving your parents shows that she is not achieving whatever it is she seeks with you. You have been given some good advice here.
Rising above it, as your father says, is what you are doing.
However, she is trying to form a rift between you and your parents and unless you want this to happen you should try to keep the avenues open between yourself and your parents.
Keep the high ground, be polite and civil to both parties but as others have said- don't get involved in petty arguments between them.
Change the topic of conversation, say you have nothing more to say on the matter, protect your boundaries.
Either they will gang up on you, in which case you are well out of it, or they will both run out of steam because you are no longer fuelling the fire.

Excellent advice from Callistemon, that's all you need to say in response to your dad Daisy.

I agree with Callistemon,but I would also really put some barriers around yourself as far as your DD is concerned and stop playing her game.. you need tp protect yourself and pulling back and not responding to her goads is probably the best way forward.. and don't try to appease her in any way..

go low contact

Actually, if I was the parent/grandparent in this case I'd say "I'm not listening; you're both adults, you have to sort it out yourselves."

I totally agree, your daughter should never have upset your ageing parents and it shows what a nasty human being she is. Speak to your parents and apologise for your daughter getting them involved in your problems and then cut your daughter out of your life. I do not know how old you are but this amounts to elder abuse. If my sons spoke to me that way I would never, ever speak to them again and I would change my will.

RunaroundSue

I totally agree, your daughter should never have upset your ageing parents and it shows what a nasty human being she is. Speak to your parents and apologise for your daughter getting them involved in your problems and then cut your daughter out of your life. I do not know how old you are but this amounts to elder abuse. If my sons spoke to me that way I would never, ever speak to them again and I would change my will.

Thank you.....so much! I've been so worried about my parents.
I've messaged them...my Mum and she has been lovely and will probably tell my Dad..but he is old and I've said not to worry him. I will send him a lovely card tomorrow. To thank him for tomato plants he is growing me. TBH I did say to my Mum that I'm done with the way my D is treating me atm, and I am sorry that she involved them.

It is abuse and I have told my parents today that I have decided to back out...but will always be their daughter, knowing me and my Mum we will be speaking tomorrow. I just don't have that sort of relationship with my D.

As for my will, I'd already stopped signing my will when this sort of behaviour began...it was on hold...and tbh...I've decided to spend everything....she will get alot from my parents, so I don't feel any guilt. She doesn't know any of that.

I just wanted to TY for being so supportive....it really makes me feel a bit better after feeling so upset about my parents being hurt about the situation.

Have a lovely time SKIing!

keepingquiet

The fact that she is involving your parents shows that she is not achieving whatever it is she seeks with you. You have been given some good advice here.
Rising above it, as your father says, is what you are doing.
However, she is trying to form a rift between you and your parents and unless you want this to happen you should try to keep the avenues open between yourself and your parents.
Keep the high ground, be polite and civil to both parties but as others have said- don't get involved in petty arguments between them.
Change the topic of conversation, say you have nothing more to say on the matter, protect your boundaries.
Either they will gang up on you, in which case you are well out of it, or they will both run out of steam because you are no longer fuelling the fire.

Thank you so much.
Yes rising above it...had a bit of a heart to heart with my Mum and they know where I am coming from...
I have been keeping the high ground and ignoring it for so long, as my Mum has always advised, it started to bring me down.....it was about time I stepped back and also stood up for myself.

I wasn't surprised by the card from my Dad and her involving my parents...she'd threatened it..in a text...
It didn't really threaten me as I know my Mum/Dad love me, but the fact she would threaten me like that made me realise how unkind she really is....(at this time apparently she is ill?)

I will continue to rise above it..walk away and focus on what make me happy and my family happy.

I will no longer fuel her fire!! (love that)

I am so sorry Daisy. That’s horrible for you but take the good advice offered on here and keep on good terms with your parents.

I understand you Daisy. My daughter also can be difficult and that is putting it kindly. Last year I'd had enough. I stepped back. T
We are still in contact and civil. However I cannot forget what was said.

Does your DD have mental issues? My sister gave our mother a terrible time through this and after doing all she could, my mother had to back off for her own sanity. She compartmentalised it and got on with her own life.
Good advice upthread.

Daisy, I agree with what’s been said. Don’t involve your parents,
Just keep on good terms. Your daughter is a bully, don’t respond to nasty texts, ignore. If she phones up and starts, just say I’m going now goodbye and put the phone down, don’t listen to her. Do not allow yourself to be bullied please. She must be a very unhappy person to want to hurt you all.

She's seeking validation from her grandparents. She wants them to tell her that you are the problem. That you were always a difficult child, or whatever. She wants someone to take her side against you.

Her reasons could be complex or she could just be a spiteful madam. What's the background? When did she start this campaign of hate? Either way, for your own sanity go very low contact with her and don't rise to the bait.

Hmmmm, I always think there are 2 sides to every issue x

Could there be an issue with your daughter with mental health? I am saying that in the kindest of ways, I feel for you.

I have a friend who has 2 daughters and 1 of them is really terrible with her mum ( my friend )
My friend has said she believes her DD has some form of mental illness.

💐

I would offer her some joint counselling to help mend your relationship

If that fails I would keep all communication positive by only responding to positive messages... Low contact

Why is your daughter angry?

VioletSky

I would offer her some joint counselling to help mend your relationship

If that fails I would keep all communication positive by only responding to positive messages... Low contact

VioletSky,

Already did that some time ago (my suggestion)...she then recently demanded it of me if I was going to be part of her life...which I have declined. The thought of sitting in a room with her and a therapist atm just seems crazy...she is too angry and aggressive and tbh I'm fed up with her demands. She is a bully. Not capable of any empathy or concern. The only person she cares about in my relationship with her is herself and how she can bring me down. I will not put myself through anymore of this for the moment, I'm not saying I wouldn't in the future, but for now I think its best have no contact and like you say only respond to positive messages.