Am I Being Unreasonable in missing my close friend

Long friendships wax and wane, but if they are solid they survive. My closest friend and I met at school nearly 70 years ago. Over that period we have been inseperable, at boarding school, seen very little of each other, when my children were small and she was single and building a career, and so much closer as we age, as, now, only her younger brother has known her as long as I have, and vice versa.

Your friend has a new partner, and of course other things, other friends will drift to the margins while this partnership is new. But what usually happens, is the new partnership settles down, and while things will not be the same, your friendship will stay firm, but different.

madeleine45
What a lovely post and so supportive. Thank you, it has cheered me up !

Love and friendship are living things. They change and there is lifes ebb and flow. We have to accept this as we cannot change it. I had my best friend that I knew from the age of 2. We went to school together, passed the 11+ and on to the grammar school together. Then my father got promotion and I had to leave my beloved Yorkshire and all that meant so much to me and go to Hertfordshire at 13. I was deeply unhappy about it all and especially the thought that my best friend would be friends with other people and all that we had shared would be lost. No-one seemed to have the insight or the will to help me understand what was happening and how to deal with the changes. Well you have to work at friendship as with any other relationship. I kept in touch, saw her as much as I could, wrote regularly (no phones then) . Well I am pleased to tell you she is still my longest known friendship and we have been friends now for 76 years. I moved a lot and lived abroad. I was always careful to make sure she had my new address when ever I moved. Naturally things change over the years, but we have been there for the good and bad things. I sang at her husbands funeral, she was here for me when my husband died. We have had mixed times, some years only managed to meet up once or twice for a lunch others more . But the point is we know we are there for each other and wish each other all the best in our lives. There have been the disappointments when we had hoped to get together and not been able to manage it. She was a widow for many years and is now happily married again. So in the same way I do not see her as much but we are still important to each other and know that , which is what counts. So my advice is as others say, try not to begrudge her her happiness, because if you do this will surely split you up more and be remembered. Think how you would like her to behave if it was the other way round. In practical terms one of the things you might do is something that you enjoyed but she didnt. I am a widow now and live alone. Not a lot of good things to enjoy about it , but if I want I can go out get in the car and disappear off for the day. I hate shopping and would rather sit by the sea and watch the boats or walk up in the dales. So when my husband was ill for quite a while we could not go up the dales much. So I can go as and when I like now. Have a think if there is something that you liked to do and havent done for ages and give it a go. There are many voluntary things you could do and charities are crying out for help. I did 10 years hospital car driving, read on Talking Newspapers, took disabled people for a trip out, drove the little white bus etc.Try out things for yourself and dont be too clingy. When you are able to ring or see her and tell her about your swimming or tennis or whatever ,you will both relax and then your friendship will move into another phase to enjoy. Dont lose something precious, add to it with your new hobbies. Wishing you all the best

Does she call him Mr Perfect or is that your (private?) name for him?
This is quite telling, either way...

She is in the new love flush here and only has eyes for him. Maybe you remember that? I do.
I also remember being "told off" by my good friend for leaving her out which was never deliberate. That was a painful thing as I loved her. However our friendship didn't really recover from it even though I gave her time "on our own without him" I'm afraid I did it grudgingly.

She will always love you in her heart but you may need to do things with both of them if you want some fun together now. In time it may change but at the moment you don't want to make her feel guilty for loving him.

Thinking of you.

Sorry to hear your news, but unfortunately this is sometimes the case. Interest groups are good to join so that you can meet new people and can 'click' with new connections. Perhaps meet up with her ever so often and just be bright and breezy about what you are doing. Nothing stays the same forever and, at the end of the day, we are all responsible for our own happiness. Good luck and I hope things smooth out for you.

This is very sad but it would seem all too common.

You can choose to be happy for your friend- is she happy? If so then as a friend you should be happy for her.

You can choose to be a little empty without here-not that she's gone anywhere, and maybe just maybe, it won't last.

Good friendships can weather the storms and she may need you soon more than you know.

Try to keep in touch as much as you can but also do some new things and keep the focus on what's best for you.

You are not being unreasonable, it is understandable that you miss her and it will upset you.

Sadly I think you are going to have to accept that your friendship will be different, she is bound to prioritise her partner and has probably picked up a bit of negativity about it from you.

It is a good thing that you still do the things you used to and I hope you meet someone to share them with.