Daughter ignores us unless she needs us to babysit

I agree with Monica! I would pull back and when needed babysitter say no you are doing something else, it’s a shame but so many now are really selfish. Play them at their own game. Why should you put yourself out when it’s clearly one sided

Bunnny I am really upset about this. Her dad says don’t let it bother you.

Dad's advice is good. Ignore bad behaviour, live your own happy life.

Your daughter won't change so you will have to. Become too busy to babysit. I think that parents who have a full life and little time for their adult children are better thought of.
When you are always available you will be taken for granted.

So true 🤷‍♀️

Monica I think what you say is true, I used to sit and child mind whenever asked for years just so I could be with them. My husband didn't agree with it but agreed as i wanted to see them so much. When no longer needed I was binned pretty swiftly. At least I saw them but knew i was being used. Now my husband is dead and I'm on my own but have plenty of friends.

I am feeling hurt. I have two daughters and feel I give so much but get nothing back. My eldest rarely contacts me, she lives an hour and a half away. I have stepped back thinking she would miss me but nothing after 3 weeks …. My youngest who lives local who we do so much for as she is a single mum again we give but not much back. Why are our AC so selfish. All very hard.

I am struggling with this as well. I have watched my grandaughter since she was an infant and we have a strong bond. But my SIL has been increasingly rude and both he and my daughter think I should always babysit at their house (an hour away) since it is more convenient for them. Driving in the dark and in bad weather (winter +snow) is challenging for me. I feel very taken for granted. But I am constantly reminded by both of them how "grateful" I should be to be able to watch her. It feels manipulative.

There's not much you can do about other people's selfishness and ingratitude. My old grandma had a saying which she rolled out on many a difficult occasion: "Don't let other people's rudeness dictate how you behave." So I agree with your husband - try not to let it get to you but, if it does, try to rise above it like a swan treading choppy water. Hard to do but good luck with it anyway.

I'm not surprised it feels manipulative Nana because it is and as long as you're prepared to be treated this way, it will continue; they're the ones who should be grateful, not you.

Why not suggest that your GD sleeps over then her parents can collect her the next day. As for your s.i.l's rudeness, tell him that you wont tolerate it.

Start 2025 as you mean to go on; a loving and supportive mum, GM and m.i.l. but not a door mat. Good luck.

Perfect advice Smileless.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.