Adult ADHD anyone?

keepingquiet

crazyH-Yes, I get annoyed at labels too! I was very surprised with my DD mentioned it (it isn't the first time) but I can't put it down to laziness. He works very hard but can never hold down a job. My son is not highly qualified (he's a gardener) and struggled all the way through school. He doesn't have a wife to look after every aspect of his life- but I seem to have taken on that role!

Thankyou Greyisnotmycolour- he does live in chaos. Last week he lost his phone twice then had a car accident (unhurt thankfully) and although this isn't typical I am sick of him leaving his keys behind. In the past few weeks he does seem to be getting worse. Maybe there is something in what my daughter says after all? I wish I knew what to do.

He may have what my old mum called a BUSY mind. She said there was too many things going off in my head at the same time. But in later life it was a godsend as I could multitask so easily whereas other people could only manage one thing at a time. I can have ten things going on at once and manage them very easily. I call it being organised.

Come round mine, please.
I could just do with borrowing your brain for a while.

keepingquiet I understand what you mean when you say “unfortunately he doesn’t have a wife to organise his life” … we’ve all heard the expression “my other half” or “my better half” and all of us have strengths and weaknesses. I know many couples where one or the other is better at finances, organising etc. There’s no harm in you wishing for that for your son.

I wish you well in speaking to your son.

He couldn't function without me that's for sure but no carers allowance for me as there is no diagnosis...

I’m not sure that you are describing ADHD, really. I think he probably needs to talk to someone quite urgently, as we can’t diagnose him on here.

I know it’s really difficult to get appointments these days though, and if he won’t go you are stuck.

Sorry - that’s not very constructive. Does he have to live with you? I can understand your wanting to keep an eye on him, but you need to look after yourself too.

I don't want to say too much about his circumstances on here.
I do think it is ADHD and since realising that lots of things have fallen into place.
People paint a very bleak picture about getting access to help but I am going to try and find out as much as I can before talking to him. I don't know if he's already realised and doesn't want to tell me. He did have a difficult week last week so things may settle down.
I actually feel a lot better since the penny dropped. I now understand why he has always seemed different and struggled so much.
I don't want to 'keep an eye' on him. he lived independently for most of his life, but any parent would help in a crisis and that's all I'm doing.
I'm away next week on a break with friends. It will be fine.
Thanks for all your input, especially about the book by the Holderness couple- they have great youtube videos too! Whoever suggested looking them up- thank you!!

Sorry if I was insensitive - I didn't mean to be. I hope you reach a good conclusion very soon.

No offence taken- I'm feeling pretty fragile!

The waiting list for assessment is 12-18 months here, not so bad as some places, was my response.

It seems the GP is the way to go first off (not easy in itself getting an appointment) so I may go myself in the first instance, just to find out how the referral process works if my son wants a referral that is. There are on-line ones you can pay for so I'll ask the GP about that too (if I get an appointment).
Funnily enough my son is more open to paying for these things than seeing the GP (some history there) so if he can be seen soon that may be a way through.
The private ones are between £500 to £1500, depending on which you opt for.
Thanks for the positive and helpful responses.

It sounds as though your dear son's brain is firing in all sorts of directions which doesn't give him much relief to focus on tasks at hand or follow through. It is a painful way to live and everyone would rather be productive. A therapist who specializes in goal setting might be a good way for him to get back on his feet. It's not his fault his mind is acting this way but there are medicines that can help with focus. It sounds like his brain is just not working right.

Assessment won't change any behaviors. Work on developing good habits now. Lists are helpful, I find.

Assessment may lead to treatment though- it seems it can have an impact.
I have been trying with the good habits since he was about 10 years old. That's 30 years of failure or futility, as he is incapable of those organisational skills the rest of us take for granted.
He does make lists- lots of them! They make no sense to me but he tries.
I can't get over how frustrating this is but I will keep trying- who knows he may even get a GP appointment?

keepingquiet

No offence taken- I'm feeling pretty fragile!

The waiting list for assessment is 12-18 months here, not so bad as some places, was my response.

It seems the GP is the way to go first off (not easy in itself getting an appointment) so I may go myself in the first instance, just to find out how the referral process works if my son wants a referral that is. There are on-line ones you can pay for so I'll ask the GP about that too (if I get an appointment).
Funnily enough my son is more open to paying for these things than seeing the GP (some history there) so if he can be seen soon that may be a way through.
The private ones are between £500 to £1500, depending on which you opt for.
Thanks for the positive and helpful responses.

Perhaps encourage him to exercise often, eat well/healthily, sleep, stay off screens past a certain time, plus B12, D3, magnesium, and C tablets. Drink lots of water and Cffiene in times not effecting sleep.

caffeine

Keepingquiet
Have you looked at any online sites.
Here’s one to give you an idea.

mindmetric.ai/adhd?gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAAqrxw_BhIhr5EKM_-WQ8Gb4qyI5Kk&gclid=CjwKCAjw_4S3BhAAEiwA_64YhlVwGNxGt80BhawckS7kFXhbxA0TcbgLzA8TiaD2k6n9sdGUuvAntxoCTT4QAvD_BwE

Thankyou Petra- just looking at the questions males me pretty certain. I'm not sure how much I can trust these sites, they offer free quizzes and then you pay for the result so no, not for me.
I am hanging on the phone trying to get through to my GP now.

We had the conversation yesterday morning and then things moved pretty quickly. My son managed to get an appointment and now has a form which he says he will fill in.
The GP said he doesn't think it was ADHD because it turns out they were at school together and according to him, my son didn't have it then!
It is a year's wait for the assessment at least.
However I think the GP gave my son a bit of a talking to because we had an adult conversation last night and it didn't end in a shouting match or tears.
Whatever he has things have calmed down a lot.

Glad your son managed to see his GP and your son is a little less stressed.

It's me that's less stressed!

Good 👍

Final word on this. The form states my son does not have ADHD and so will not be referred. At least I don't need to make any more excuses for his inexplicable behaviour. I can now go away for a break and be sure when I return my house will be as I left it.

keepingquiet

Final word on this. The form states my son does not have ADHD and so will not be referred. At least I don't need to make any more excuses for his inexplicable behaviour. I can now go away for a break and be sure when I return my house will be as I left it.

Have a lovely break!

My DSiL has ADHD. He's a very successful business man indeed. My DD works hard to keep him focused and to decide what is important to deal with. He's like a computer with too many tabs open but he does amazingly well.

Aveline

My DSiL has ADHD. He's a very successful business man indeed. My DD works hard to keep him focused and to decide what is important to deal with. He's like a computer with too many tabs open but he does amazingly well.

Aveline I get so cross with the constant potrait of those with ADHD as being disabled without control and generally ADHD as an excuse for all kinds of bad behaviour.

In fact most ADHD people function successfully in the world, albeit with some problems. I was a fidgetty, wriggly, always running around outside child, but never a problem in school and did well, went to university and had a good career. The same applies to DS who is a senior academic - and gets seen on tv at regular intervals! DGS has problems, but none that make him other than a good pupil in class and he too is aiming high.

Aveline

My DSiL has ADHD. He's a very successful business man indeed. My DD works hard to keep him focused and to decide what is important to deal with. He's like a computer with too many tabs open but he does amazingly well.

I'm also 'a computer with too many tabs open' (great explanation) - I do amazingly well, as your SiL - ADD has never impacted me negatively.

I'm fairly sure I have ADHD ( & my mum & my younger DS) & I cope, & I do lose less things & my life's a bit less chaotic as I've aged. It has affected me negatively. All the blame, all the panic scenarios, all the missed appointments & the guilt, being stranded in a strange city cos I'd left my bag with all my docs somewhere, accidents cos I got distracted etc. Now I get so anxious travelling, driving, going to appointments because I can't say to myself "breathe & tell yourself the chances of anything going wrong are tiny" becaue this is me, & the chances of something going wrong are quite high.