As others have said you already know the answer to this. So just rip off that plaster and do what had to be done, dithering will just prolong the agony.
Good luck.
If you leave he will most likely still see the grandchildren, he won't disappear
As soon as he latches on to another woman who can support and house him, he'll be gone. No loss to the grandchildren, he's hardly a good role model so don't let that worry you.
I think you need to take legal advice as to what, if any, financial settlement he could realistically claim from you.
Personally I'd be horrified if he could claim 50% of the house you bought, just because he's done some diy!
It's run it's course! time to move on.
You say "My dilemma, my kids know all this but quite like him but they’re very evenhanded, he’s a grandfather figure to my grandchildren, they’d miss him."
If you leave he will most likely still see the grandchildren, he won't disappear and unless there is a prenup or some other legal agreement the house and money could be split 50/50
You need to get some legal advice if you own your home OP. He might make a claim for 50% of it if he can prove that he's contributed towards the upkeep and maintenence of it. If it's a rented house, in your name, it's not so much a problem.
It sounds as if you have totally gone off him, so it's unfair on both of you to keep things going.
There doesn't have to be anyone wrong, or right, (even though he's got a damn cheek perusing dating sites!) but probably better to part ways on good terms, and perhaps remain friends.
I am much happier on my own, many of us are, and I think you would be too.
He's a big boy and will sort himself out with somewhere to live, you don't need to feel responsible for him. By joining online dating, if indeed he "didn't meet anyone" (ha!) he has shown he's looking ahead. He will probably move in quickly with another woman who has a house!! It's not your problem or your worry. Please don't give his housing another thought.
You can't trust him, can you? Is that the sort of partner you want ... someone who sponges off you and doesn't treat you with respect?
As others have said, tell him nicely that it's over. Give him a date to move out and be prepared to change the locks ASAP.
Is he fully aware of your feelings?
No disrespect meant here but it sounds quite harsh on him that he’s spent 10+ years with you doing up your house while you sort out his weak areas, for you to turf him out because he’s untidy and disorganised and you are very capable.
No justification from me, if you’ve gone off him just be honest with him but not totally unfair.
Get him gone. welbeck is right; he's a cocklodger looking for a roof over his head and a skivvy to clean up after him. You don't need him.
Oh dear!!
I think you should just nicely tell him it’s over!
Sounds like a cocklodger as they so aptly term it over on MN.
Get rid.
I think you know all the answers doesn’t sound as if either of you love the other it’s just been convenient for both of you
I am so much happier living on my own than with my late husband. To all and sundry he was a really jolly chap and was well liked. That was window dressing. I say, go with your instincts and be happy!
You sound quite self sufficient, and he seems to be irritating you and living off of you.
Quite honestly, I’d sooner be alone.🤷♀️
He could still remain in touch with your GCs.
I think that, by noting all of your complaints against your partner, you may have realised what's best for you already. Good luck
We think you know the answer to your question!
Ive been with my partner for 10 years I’m 60 he’s 66. We met soon after my divorce. I met him before I moved into my property, he’s a handyman/builder, he came to do some work. We’ve been together since. We’re different in many ways, the sex was good, which was a pleasant surprise as my marriage had been largely sexless. We laughed a lot, enjoyed many similar things and he was supportive. Looking back I can see things unravel. He came to our relationship with nothing, he’d lost his house due to the recession, he owed a lot in tax, which I negotiated him out of having to pay, he’s lazy, bad tempered, disorganised and dreadful with money. It’s my house, he lives here rent free but pays for groceries, winter fuel and does DIY. However nothing is done with grace. I won’t marry him and his name is on no household bills etc… as I’m very good with money and I’m not losing it ! I discovered entirely by accident in the space of 24 hrs back in the spring that he was in debt and had been cruising dating websites!! I went apesh*t. We’ve not shared a bed since. He swears he’s stopped on the websites and never met anyone from one, I asked him to have std test..clear. He’s working on his debts. Although he does DIY, he takes forever, 13 months from start to finish bathroom. Kitchen, just ‘tarting up’ 10 months and counting. Somehow he’s turned the garden into a tip, tools etc.. everywhere…. To the extent that 10 days I fell over a sack barrow and now have a triple fracture of my ankle.
I don’t think he’s worth holding onto. I have a constant simmering frustration. I hate the mess, the grumpiness etc
My dilemma, my kids know all this but quite like him but they’re very evenhanded, he’s a grandfather figure to my grandchildren, they’d miss him.
We both are self employed, he still works because, surprise, he doesn’t have a full pension due to not paying enough NI, I’m currently a bit out of action. His care for me whilst I can’t do much is a bit iffy and I hate having to ask for stuff or remind him.
My current situation has focussed my mind. I bought this property just for me, it’s still suitable but I plan to move into a busier more accessible community into next 5 years.
I’m very capable, I brought up my kids on my own from age 23, managed everything and did a degree as well as worked. I remarried at 37. I think I’m just rubbish in a couple.
I enjoy my own company, I have family, friends and two whippets and I’m sure I could find a ‘companion’ if I felt I needed one. I don’t want to live with him ( or anyone) but he has nowhere to go, I know he’s entitled to help with housing etc… but it takes time. I’m not sure if I love him, I do know he pisses me off. So ladies, what to do?
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