Family set-up not as you've been told

What you were told, they shouldn't have done that. I believe in being honest with children at an age they accept things. If you were loved and have made a good life I would let it go.

But she’s no idea that she wasnt told the truth Allsorts some acquaintance of Cariad has seen the photo and put the idea into her head (none of her business old busy body visiting and remarking on family photos) Now Cariad seems to have woven this whole story up which may be correct, but equally may not be
Do you research properly Cariad and look in to births marriages and deaths and then you ll know much more ikely what’s what

We discovered from doing family history research that FiL's 'uncle' was actually his brother. We never said anything, most of the people involved are long dead and FiL would never have believed it anyway.

We can only guess about the circumstances but whatever they were the child was loved and wanted and kept in the family. He may have known his mother as his sister but as he loved his gran as his mother.

I don't think anyone gains when people start stirring dirt from the past - and I can't think of any reason to do so (in most circumstances) other than to say 'Look what I know'.

My youngest brother is 12 years younger than me. We moved house a year after he was born.

He came everywhere with me when he was very young - except for school - and sometimes called me 'Mam' when we were out. I was a teenager and well of an age to have a child. I'm pretty sure the whole village thinks he's my boy, not my brother.

I've often felt that home DNA kits can do more harm than good, and although I am fascinated by genealogy, I think there are issues there, too. People (including the dead) have a right to privacy (morally, if not legally) and reading old love letters, or investigating personal circumstances doesn't sit well with me.

'Surprise' babies do arrive - often in menopause - and there is nothing strange about it. If your mother had wanted you to know her story, she would have told you. All may be exactly as you were told as a child, but if it isn't, doesn't she have a right to keep it to herself?

My granny had her youngest child when she was 48 ,my husbands best friends mum had her last baby at 51 ,she was convinced it was menopause ,her sons were 17 and 32 I know it’s true I knew the family well .Lots of older mothers before there was the pill.

I wouldn't assume anything, even if it is possible. You'd need a DNA test to know for sure. Of course it happened. But my grandmother did have a baby at 50 and my own mother was 40 when she became a grandmother. These ages could fit both scenarios you describe, but there's nothing not as it seems there.

Doodledog

I've often felt that home DNA kits can do more harm than good, and although I am fascinated by genealogy, I think there are issues there, too. People (including the dead) have a right to privacy (morally, if not legally) and reading old love letters, or investigating personal circumstances doesn't sit well with me.

'Surprise' babies do arrive - often in menopause - and there is nothing strange about it. If your mother had wanted you to know her story, she would have told you. All may be exactly as you were told as a child, but if it isn't, doesn't she have a right to keep it to herself?

I agree, I hate the thought of people poking through my life so why would I think it is OK to do that to someone else even if they are dead.

We have a bundle of letters my late MIL and FIL exchanged during WWII. They were a wartime romance and married when he was on weekend leave. They exchanged letters and probably some leave time he had which is likely when DH was conceived. He died when my husband was a baby, my husband grew up knowing little about him as he quickly learned that asking anything upset his mother. Reading those letters might let him know something of his father. They have sat in a drawer for over 15 years, since MIL died. We can't throw them away, she kept them all those years, but we have never read a word of them. I think it is about respecting them. I think when DH dies they will just go in the fire.

This set up is almost exactly the same as in my family. My mother was brought up by her grandparents and believed that her birth mother was her sister. Unfortunately for the family the cat was let out of the bag by a spiteful cousin when my mum was 9. Despite the fact that mum knew the truth she didn’t tell me until I was a teenager!

Yes, and it's almost worse when people are dead, as they can't speak for themselves. There is nobody to say, 'yes, but . . .', or to give another side to the story that is being written around their lives.

I love watching Who Do You think You Are, but was discomfited when Ruth Jones was given wartime love letters belonging to her grandparents (or possibly GGP) and not only read them, but read them out on TV. That seemed to me very disrespectful.

Sawitch

This set up is almost exactly the same as in my family. My mother was brought up by her grandparents and believed that her birth mother was her sister. Unfortunately for the family the cat was let out of the bag by a spiteful cousin when my mum was 9. Despite the fact that mum knew the truth she didn’t tell me until I was a teenager!

Well it was her story to tell or not to tell.