Abuse, silent treatment, threats

Please find the strength to walk away while you can you deserve to find peace and happiness and although it might sound impossible and scary the life you are living sounds a lot worse

Hi Lynnie

GN at its best!

I’ve read the whole thread and can’t add anything. Thank you for coming back with updates. Wishing you well

Keep in touch

www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/#:~:text=Call%20us%2024%2F7&text=Call%20for%20free%20and%20in,a%20day%3A%200808%202000%20247.

Ring the number given and hopefully you will find a way to get out and stay out.
Don’t delay, you’ve waited long enough. You deserve better, you deserve an abuse free life.
Wait until he is not in then ring the number.
Wishing you all the very best 🌺🌺🙏🏾

Glad to see you getting such support, Lynnie

LynnieME

Again, thank you all so very much; kindness like this is unimaginable.
I feel overwhelmed.
I will update you, but in the meantime, pack a go bag and source all financials I am able to.
Thank you again xXx

LynnieME In your original post you said you have no friends or family.....you have everyone here.

You deserve better and some peace and happiness....it's not the forthcoming New Year for you, it's the start of a new and better life

OmG.

Hi Lynnie ,

I was going to suggest trying to record the abuse -but as it's getting worse - you are in danger .
Don't end up as a statistic .
Shouting is one thing and blows are another.

I've met so many women like you .
My Australian friends found a friend in a coma from a head injury delivered by her husband .
He was devastatingly charming and swore that he was innocent .

Follow the good advice given by the other gransnetters .

And please go .
I'm also praying for you .
Keep in touch with us .

That's wonderful Lynnie, please let us know that you're safe when you're able. I'll be praying for you .

Please please do leave. Make a safety plan with Womans Aid there is advice on their website. Contact your pension provider and DWP and arrange for your money to go into an account in your sole name. Ask banks to put a block on any joint accounts until the financials are resolved. Make sure you have taken all ID documents and important stuff. See a solicitor who specialises in DV as soon as you can

LynnieME

Again, thank you all so very much; kindness like this is unimaginable.
I feel overwhelmed.
I will update you, but in the meantime, pack a go bag and source all financials I am able to.
Thank you again xXx

Fantastic, go girl!

Roughly whereabouts are you geographically Lynnie?

Please don’t disappear from us. Tell us what you’re doing about all this. Let us cheer you on from the sidelines. You’ve got this.

Again, thank you all so very much; kindness like this is unimaginable.
I feel overwhelmed.
I will update you, but in the meantime, pack a go bag and source all financials I am able to.
Thank you again xXx

Just read your update. Can you access the joint account? Prepare everything to leave, quietly and quickly. Then access the joint account and remove half of it, or as much as you can via a cash machine. Do you have a bus pass, if so go as far as you can.
There is evidence that abusers become worse at Christmas. Wishing you luck.

Lynnie, I really feel for you, and I couldn’t just scroll past as your post is heartbreaking .
There’s excellent advice from others on this thread . Please leave him . You deserve better . Do you have children or siblings ? Or thought abusers often isolate their victims. X

Bullies not Bully’s

He’s beaten you down over the years that’s what bully’s do, please leave. Great advise here. Please ring and get help today no one should live like this they will advise you what to do. “Please come back and keep us informed wishing you a far kinder 2025

LynnieME

Thank you so much - all of you, for your time and advice.
No - I have no personal money whatsoever - everything in a joint account.
I have believed for many many years it was all my fault … if I was a better person; that this is what all relationships are. I’ve tried and tried and tried but always fail. I’ve lived in shame. I am ashamed. I’ve been terrified people will recognise me for “the awful person” I must be to drive a man to feel as my H does.

Just trying to explain. Sorry.

LynnieME Please believe me and the many others who have posted here, there are no excuses – the abuser is always responsible.

The abuser always has a choice to abuse someone and they can choose not intimidate or control. . They can build a relationship built on trust, honesty, fairness and respect – if they want to.

YOU are NOT responsible in any way for his behaviour.

‘Blaming the victim’ for domestic abuse is something that abusers often do to make excuses for their own behaviour. This is part of the pattern of abuse. Sometimes abusers convince their victims that they are to blame for the abuser’s behaviour – it’s part of controlling the victim. Blaming their behaviour on someone or something else – the relationship, their childhood, ill health, alcohol or drug addiction – is an abuser’s way of avoiding responsibility for their behaviour.

But the fact is abusers have a choice – nobody ‘made them’ do anything.

Please contact an agency and take the steps to ensure safety for yourself.

You could have 20 years of life ahead of you to live in peace aand comfort.

The only way this will happen is if you walk out on your husband asap and seek refuge through the help of any of the many agencies that are listed above.

Any kind of life is better than the life you are living now.

Ring the National Abuse Helpline NOW.
*The freephone, 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline is
0808 2000 247*

The phone will be answered by a woman

The website address is www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/how-we-can-support-you/

Other people up thread have given you this link as well.

Find a safe place - lock yourself in the bathroom, go for a walk, and ring them.

If you ring them today, you could be somewhere safe out of this relationship by Christmas day

This is heartbreaking Lynnie you must leave now before his abuse gets any worse.

You say all the money is in a joint account so you can access it; take what you need to get away from this nasty, abusive man.

The only way to exist happily is to leave this man. It takes courage but once it's done you will be so much happier.
Lots of good advice from others above. Good luck.

Lynnie. It was never your fault and you're not an awful person. Your words made me feel sad, as I have supported someone who was in a marriage like this, and everything you said rang true with me. Please leave and get the help you so desperately need. Put a great distance between you and look after yourself. Go and don't look back.

Lynnie I can only echo what other posters have said - you must leave.

Take important documents and necessary things in a bag that you can manage. If you’ve got your own money, go to a B&B / hotel. If you don’t have your own money, go to your local Social Services or women’s aid (find addresses on Google).

Go as soon as he is out of the house … and don’t look back. You deserve a better life than this.

Thank you so much - all of you, for your time and advice.
No - I have no personal money whatsoever - everything in a joint account.
I have believed for many many years it was all my fault … if I was a better person; that this is what all relationships are. I’ve tried and tried and tried but always fail. I’ve lived in shame. I am ashamed. I’ve been terrified people will recognise me for “the awful person” I must be to drive a man to feel as my H does.

Just trying to explain. Sorry.

You need to pack a bag and leave.......now! What a dreadful situation and your OH is nothing short of a coercive, controlling, violent bully. He should NOT be forcing you into any form of sexual activity against your will.
Report this to your GP and a solicitor and refer yourself to adult safeguarding - you need protection for your own safety and sanity .