Abuse, silent treatment, threats

This is not normal
What are you apologising for ?
Gather as much money as you can , find the woman’s refuge , get out
Not easy but do you want to be the next Femicide victim?

I am so sorry you're going through this Lynnie. Rather than needing "to find a way to exist", I think you need to find a way to leave.

Speak to someone - a counsellor, the Samaritans, anyone - to get some support to do this. This is rampant abuse from your husband, you could have 20 more years of it, it could get even worse, and you deserve much better.

I see you say you have no family so presumably no adult children.

for you. Look after yourself because no one else will. Come back on here for support. Many of us have had traumatic relationships including me. We understand.

Get out….

Report this to a solicitor.
Report this to your doctor.
Not a good time of year to make contact, but I am sure people will give you contact numbers to use.
Make a written record of everything that has happened and keep in a secure place.
Then get out to a place of safety.

You need to find a way to leave, not "exist". That's no life.

Dig deep, face forward, and leave. Many years ago I left an abusive relationship by booking flights using my then husband's credit card (I had no money). By the time it was discovered he had other matters to worry about (divorce).

Your peace is not negotiable.

If you are able to use a phone please contact an organisation that will be able to help you -

www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

www.womensaid.org.uk/

www.endviolenceagainstwomen.org.uk/find-help/

Are you able to get out on your own? Even a local Age UK, a church or your GP will be able to at least point you in the right direction.

Please LynnieME, don't land up being another statistic. Come back here if you need to and you will get lots of support.

Please get help find the number for local Women’s Aid where you live. Do get in touch don’t waste time your husband sounds very unstable.

Leave now, by any means possible. Living on the street would be more pleasant than the life you describe.
Phone police, local council, and do whatever they suggest without delay.

You must leave as soon as possible. When he is out all your important documents, including any joint bank statements into a folder and photograph them onto your phone.
I hope you have some of your own money. Pack a small bag, you can hide for now, contact Women’s Aid and leave.
Try to act normally, it would be dangerous for him to know your intentions.
Leave as soon as you can, today would be good, even if to a B&B, forget Christmas. You deserve so much more than this.

As others have said, you need to get out NOW - TODAY ideally.

Lots of love to you xx

I feel for you OP. You must be in turmoil. Be brave now. You’re worth it.

Oh my goodness, please leave . Some very sound advice on GN , you must protect yourself. Get organized , pack a bag , gather any documents you can, hope you have access to cash. Contact women's aid today , you must leave . Thinking about you , lots of people here ready to support you.

You have been controlled by this man.

Now it’s your time to go.

Presumably of you worked you have a pension some money, gather what you can and leave.
You could rent a holiday cottage or similar for a couple of weeks breathing space.

Try and get as much financial information on your husband as you can, your solicitor will need this and he sounds like the sort of man that may hide such information.

Good luck, I hope 2025 is a better year for you.

I have known of a similar relationship like this, but it was the wife being abusive. I feel you should definately speak to a professional person who deals with these kind of situations.
I hope you can find a way out of this awful relationship - sooner rather than later. Be brave.

You need to pack a bag and leave.......now! What a dreadful situation and your OH is nothing short of a coercive, controlling, violent bully. He should NOT be forcing you into any form of sexual activity against your will.
Report this to your GP and a solicitor and refer yourself to adult safeguarding - you need protection for your own safety and sanity .

Thank you so much - all of you, for your time and advice.
No - I have no personal money whatsoever - everything in a joint account.
I have believed for many many years it was all my fault … if I was a better person; that this is what all relationships are. I’ve tried and tried and tried but always fail. I’ve lived in shame. I am ashamed. I’ve been terrified people will recognise me for “the awful person” I must be to drive a man to feel as my H does.

Just trying to explain. Sorry.

Lynnie I can only echo what other posters have said - you must leave.

Take important documents and necessary things in a bag that you can manage. If you’ve got your own money, go to a B&B / hotel. If you don’t have your own money, go to your local Social Services or women’s aid (find addresses on Google).

Go as soon as he is out of the house … and don’t look back. You deserve a better life than this.

Lynnie. It was never your fault and you're not an awful person. Your words made me feel sad, as I have supported someone who was in a marriage like this, and everything you said rang true with me. Please leave and get the help you so desperately need. Put a great distance between you and look after yourself. Go and don't look back.

The only way to exist happily is to leave this man. It takes courage but once it's done you will be so much happier.
Lots of good advice from others above. Good luck.

This is heartbreaking Lynnie you must leave now before his abuse gets any worse.

You say all the money is in a joint account so you can access it; take what you need to get away from this nasty, abusive man.

You could have 20 years of life ahead of you to live in peace aand comfort.

The only way this will happen is if you walk out on your husband asap and seek refuge through the help of any of the many agencies that are listed above.

Any kind of life is better than the life you are living now.

Ring the National Abuse Helpline NOW.
*The freephone, 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline is
0808 2000 247*

The phone will be answered by a woman

The website address is www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/how-we-can-support-you/

Other people up thread have given you this link as well.

Find a safe place - lock yourself in the bathroom, go for a walk, and ring them.

If you ring them today, you could be somewhere safe out of this relationship by Christmas day

LynnieME

Thank you so much - all of you, for your time and advice.
No - I have no personal money whatsoever - everything in a joint account.
I have believed for many many years it was all my fault … if I was a better person; that this is what all relationships are. I’ve tried and tried and tried but always fail. I’ve lived in shame. I am ashamed. I’ve been terrified people will recognise me for “the awful person” I must be to drive a man to feel as my H does.

Just trying to explain. Sorry.

LynnieME Please believe me and the many others who have posted here, there are no excuses – the abuser is always responsible.

The abuser always has a choice to abuse someone and they can choose not intimidate or control. . They can build a relationship built on trust, honesty, fairness and respect – if they want to.

YOU are NOT responsible in any way for his behaviour.

‘Blaming the victim’ for domestic abuse is something that abusers often do to make excuses for their own behaviour. This is part of the pattern of abuse. Sometimes abusers convince their victims that they are to blame for the abuser’s behaviour – it’s part of controlling the victim. Blaming their behaviour on someone or something else – the relationship, their childhood, ill health, alcohol or drug addiction – is an abuser’s way of avoiding responsibility for their behaviour.

But the fact is abusers have a choice – nobody ‘made them’ do anything.

Please contact an agency and take the steps to ensure safety for yourself.

He’s beaten you down over the years that’s what bully’s do, please leave. Great advise here. Please ring and get help today no one should live like this they will advise you what to do. “Please come back and keep us informed wishing you a far kinder 2025

Bullies not Bully’s