Dilemma over loaning money

Sorry about the random apostrophe !

Spending 10K on a houseboat is no different from taking the money and tossing it away in the water. Your DH and his son are definitely deluded if they feel this is a wise investment. But for me the big question is whether your DH will be funding this 'investment' from marital savings or from a separate pot of money that has nothing to do with you. Clearly, his son isn't your son and marital monies are just that - between the two of you. Can you personally afford to give away £5,000? It's a simple question. If you can why not give it to charity where it will do some good. If you can't then tell your husband that you're not in agreement with his proposal. Once you become involved in financing this 'new accommodation' you'll find it hard to say no when the son comes back when the boat's rotting and needs maintenance. It will become a bottomless pit that continuously calls for more baling out (excuse the pun). As for 'gifting' rather than 'loaning' to family members I wonder whether people gift unconditionally - I mean would they gift knowing there was a strong possibility of that gift going down the drain?

My son has a boat which he bought from his father at market price. It has been well maintained but even so, a problem arose not long after which cost a lot to rectify. Then there are mooring fees and other predictable costs. Ok if the owner can afford it, but not for someone who is struggling.

I doubt that the OP is still reading all this advice.
She posted in December 24 and only replied once on the same day.

petra

I doubt that the OP is still reading all this advice.
She posted in December 24 and only replied once on the same day.

You never know, she may come back to see what advice we have offered.

Personally, if the young man is bent on buying a boat to live on, then I’d be inclined to offer to pay for the cost of a hull survey to make sure it isn’t going to sink any time soon. A survey, from a suitably qualified surveyor, will cost in the region of £500, plus the cost of getting it out of the water (and putting back in afterwards) which, depending on whether it is lifted out by crane or trailered out up a slipway, will add on a further £300+.

Costs to be considered when buying a boat are a licence from the waterway authority that the boat will be on (ours is the Canal and River Trust); insurance (from £200 - £300 average) and mooring fees - unless he intends to keep travelling around on it. Mooring fees cost anything from £1,000 upwards, depending whereabouts in the country you are (London being dearer than, say, Yorkshire waters).

I hope this helps.

Oh, and the boat will also need a Boat Safety Certificate, renewal every 4 years at a cost of £200.

Any recent updates?

There seem to be a lot of gaps here that might figure into the advice we give:

It seems too often an unrelated spouse and grown child get into a tug-of-war over the parent/spouse's money, in a way that wouldn't occur if it was their child together.

Is your husband in any way at fault for whatever led up to his son's current, seemingly not very good, situation, or for his son not being much in his life? Is he trying to make up for actual mistreatment or neglect of his son?

What would this boat be for? To live on, to repair and resell, to make money by fishing or other use of it, or strictly for pleasure?

Does the son have any disabilities or addictions and does he have a stable work history? Him living with his mother at 40+ years old doesn't sound good but it could be a preference rather than a need or maybe he was even the one helping his mother out.

Regardless, I agree with those who think it's generally wiser to give money rather than lend it.

If thisis a second marriage for both of you, are there other children to consider. Where did the inheritance come from and is that an issue?

Take a tip from me, don't lend it. I did £12,000.00 and have ever seen a penny of it although I am now having to live frugally.

M0nica

We sorted both DC's fiancial affairs out when they both individually got themselves into a financial mess at university. We most emphatically made them pay it back. Like BlueBelle, we set up monthly DDs.

We wanted our children to learn that money does not grow on trees, and that if they get into a financial mess they have to sort it out and pay everything back the,selves.

It worked. They are now in their 50s and have been models of financial rectitude since. now, of course, wedo give them money, but randomly and, generally, projet directed.

I have seen and advised too many people who constantly bailed their children out of every problem and seen the damage it does to the children and also the relationship between parent and child, for me ever to make that mistake myself.

How I agree, I have always lent my children money but it has always been paid back before they have any more. How else doe they learn mot live within their means.??

I disagree with the gifting your children money. I have just lent my DS 10k. It's a loan as I need it too. I will get it back, all be it slowly

I've loaned money for a new kitchen and also money towards a house deposit to 2 of my adult children. They have both paid me back every penny.
My friend, however, borrowed twice from me but I never saw a penny back despite asking several times. Smaller sums though as both were less than £100. Fast forward 3 years later she came to my home asking to borrow £150 for her electric bill. I said no and closed the front door.
Unless you can afford to lose it don't lend it OP

It would depend on what they wanted the money for, a house no problem many othe “useful” causes, maybe a work van, not a car, holiday or anything frivolous.

I would give it as a gift, making loans to family is bad news when you expect it to be repaid they can’t. So either gift it or say sorry no.