Am I going mad or just turning nasty

It all sounds perfectly normal and indeed healthy to me!

Oh good! I’ve been feeling very guilty about what I call himself (in my head) on a daily basis…..

When you think about it, you have a life and children to bring up, a job, friends, colleagues and plenty of energy to do things, then you reach a point when you both retire.Nice at first am sure, but after some years you’re not doing so much or seeing as many people and it’s the two of you together most days without all the distractions there used to be to ‘dilute’ the DH or DP and his behaviour.Add to that many men turn grumpy when older and can be more difficult or anxious or demanding and you can easily see why some women either explode at their men or keep it in their head.
We are still working and have very close family but am already mentally gritting my teeth.😖

FriedGreenTomatoes2

Goodness there are some short fuses on here! Please ladies try not to sweat the small stuff. In the big sea, it’s inconsequential, trust me. Sadly when you get given bigger fish to fry you do get a reality check. 😢

That said, it’s mid winter. We’ve all been cooped up so perhaps things niggle more. Spring and outdoor pursuits will help.

In the spring they'll go mad with the secateurs and prune everything in sight!

Be thankful. My late OH was so tidy he once tidied away all the items I had put out for making a cake while I had just nipped to the toilet!

I am guilty of thinking of thinking FFS shut up/ stop fussing/ moaning etc and muttering oh FOFF at certain individuals.
I live alone, these thoughts are to members of several groups I go to,I just smile through gritted teeth, they probably think the same about me😂

I think it's OK and perfectly normal to feel some irritation.
It depends what you've got in the mix.

If you have sufficient funds for holidays, days out, spontaneous activities it must oil the wheels to some extent. If you are confined to 4 walls in winter in Britain, it can throw up some challenges!
Perhaps ( huge generalisation) women are more inclined to look outwards for activities and socialising than men.
My partner put little effort into life post retirement and it's not always easy.

Perfect thread for me thank you folk, I do a lot of all of it and currently having to think twice and appreciate for fear of what could be in the offing! So much resonated.

May I ask do you love your husband unconditionally? If so and you have been together for over 40 years you aren't going to change his ways now. Just be grateful you still have him.

We can't all be grateful every minute of every day. I think it's pretty hard to be on an even keel some days with all that life throws our way.

I don’t do it now, but did occasionally when we were both working f/t and there was so much to do on a tight schedule at home with children and work commitments.
Now I’m retired and he works p/t we’re more flexible.

FriedGreenTomatoes2

Goodness there are some short fuses on here! Please ladies try not to sweat the small stuff. In the big sea, it’s inconsequential, trust me. Sadly when you get given bigger fish to fry you do get a reality check. 😢

That said, it’s mid winter. We’ve all been cooped up so perhaps things niggle more. Spring and outdoor pursuits will help.

Oh yes, bring on Spring

Luckygirl3

Be thankful. My late OH was so tidy he once tidied away all the items I had put out for making a cake while I had just nipped to the toilet!

😂😂😂😂😂

Luckygirl3

Be thankful. My late OH was so tidy he once tidied away all the items I had put out for making a cake while I had just nipped to the toilet!

😁

Mine does that kind of thing - tidies my stuff but not his own!

Before my husband got hearing aids he couldn't here what I was saying. Now I have to be really careful. I do love him but he drives me mad at times.

KGee

Same here. My husband is very untidy and when I ask him to put his things away, he tells me to calm down. Needless to say this has the opposite effect!

Dh telling me to ‘calm down’ makes me feel positively murderous, so it’s just as well he so rarely does it!

Dh does not do "close". It's either slam or leave open. He seems to think empty packages or envelopes throw themselves away.

fluttERBY123

Dh does not do "close". It's either slam or leave open. He seems to think empty packages or envelopes throw themselves away.

Was your DH in my utility room?

Light on, tumble dryer door open and no sign of the Scarlet Pimpernel. Harrumph!

But has your partner started to inexplicably cover surfaces with patterned sticky backed plastic?: kitchen and bathroom tiles, fireplace surround, the top of a, once lovely dresser, also large childish transfers of animals on the lids of our loos.
A lot of inward cussing of late.

I think what is needed is a dog. He can cope nonjudgmentally with the outfall you need to blurt out, and he won't be offended by the bad language!

I think one needs to analyse exactly why your partner acts like he does.

Some people are just lazy slobs, dirty washing on the floor, expecting people to look after them, cannot see why they should change

Others it seems to be some ingrained instinct in them. Even DH's mother used to say of him 'born in a barn, if I didn't know better'. He quite simply never puts anything away, no door, drawer or cupboard shut. Things carefully left on the worktop above or below the cupboard they should be in - and this is the difference, he doesn't leave clothes or towels on the floor, or anything a mess for me to clear up, he just seems to be incapable of opening a cupboard and putting anything in i and/or shutting it properly afterwards

He gets DIY materials out to do a job, and when he has finished. leaves his tools on the kitchen table in a neat and tidy pile. I am sure it is something programmed in.

escaped

I think what is needed is a dog. He can cope nonjudgmentally with the outfall you need to blurt out, and he won't be offended by the bad language!

But don't buy a parrot.
Or budgerigar!

Or a mynah bird😄

Or you could muffle the obscenities in the fluffy tummy of a fat ginger moggy.

Was there anything in the past that wasn’t resolved and you feel resentful for? May be it’s not the untidiness that is really getting to you. You sound stressed and under pressure, if you get to the bottom of that you may tolerate his untidiness better.