Emotional needs unmet

If my partner ever did actually notice what I was wearing, I would probably need resuscitation.

But why would anyone even consider chucking away 35 years of quiet kindness, love and support over such an issue? It seems to me that the OP is either very shallow or - old flame aside - there is much more wrong with this marriage than we have been told .

GG13 mine would notice and immediately turn the heating down.

foxie48

GG13 mine would notice and immediately turn the heating down.

Oh that has made me laugh out loud 😹😹😹

You lucky girl being married to a kind gentle man. Count your blessings. This man must love you to put up with your constant demand for attention.

An under reactive. Well, I learn something new every day.

I always think if I was missing my husband would be unable to tell the police what I was wearing!

Is this a wind-up?
Surely nobody is this shallow?
Or an April Fool in poor taste?

Why do you need his opinion on your clothes, look in the mirror.

It sounds as though you are now being critical of your husband to justify reconnecting with your friend.

I'm afraid you sound very shallow..

Jen67patte

I should add as a caveat and aa part of the point of my being honest and wanting honest opinions here please, that I've recently reaquainted with an old friend of many years ago...ie pre marriage and we get on like a house on fire...

You’ve been married for 35 years and only just realised this about him??
I don’t buy it. I think this is you looking for approval to start an affair!
You have said he’s kind and gentle. So why give this up? Think yourself lucky. He has put up with you all these years, and yet you want an affair. What is up with you?

eddiecat78

To be honest if you've been like this for 35 years your husband might be rather relieved if you went off with someone else

I love this! Well deserved by the woman wanting permission to be unfaithful!
Maybe I am biased as my wonderful husband died five years ago, but I think the OP is lucky to have such a lovely man.
I would give anything to have mine back!

Looking for excitement after 35 yrs of marriage, that’s very common and it’s very easy to be tempted, it’s all about confidence, proving you can attract another man. Don’t have an affair just to prove you can, it’s a Pandora’s box you don’t want to open

I agree with Crosstitchfan the original poster is looking for permission to be unfaithful. At least be honest with yourself.

You want our permission to have a fling with this other guy? Well, a lot of people manage to carry it off! Do try not to upset DH.

This is how I see it….without judgement. We all develop insecurities and it seems that yours is about your appearance. Unfortunately, this isn’t addressed in the company of your husband but is in a ‘new’ relationship. Part of you probably knows that won’t necessarily last a long time but it’s seductive and you want it anyway. Only you can decide whether you would rather stick to the comfort and security of a 35 year old marriage and all that it gives you. Or whether you opt for a possibly shorter term reward with your immediate emotional needs met and yet the future more unknown.
It’s a hard one…,and not that uncommon in other guises as well. I wonder if you could develop your love of fashion and need for appreciation in some other way altogether…and also look inside yourself..often the true answers are within and not to do with external events including relationships,

Luminance

The grass isn't greener on the other side, you must water your own grass.

Totally agree!

Get out and enjoy life while you can

Jen67patte

Hello all
IV been married 35 yrs to a kind gentle man but he's a massive under reactive! He rarely says much about anything and often doesn't pass comments about my dress or looks or anything really! I can change outfits in a day and he won't notice! If I ask him he will say stop picking at him and stop getting irritable with him!
I should know he's a quiet man etc....
I'm finding it increasingly upsetting and I'm quite a outgoing person and enjoy dressing up and looking the best I can...I also work in fashion and really love helping others ladies look and feel great.
He doesn't really laugh at my jokes and rarely makes me laugh but I know deep deep down he cares.... What to do?! Help please

I hear you, it's hard work. We all need people to bounce off maybe get/see/create more friends that you can do that with more often even if its just on the phone.

My ex husband was like that, but he hated that I was so sociable, so I stopped going out & he stayed the same ... I found it very lonely & challenging. Good luck xx

For Jen67patte - there is a lot to be said for 35 years of peaceful marriage. Many would envy that. My husband was patient, loyal, kind and reliable. Some women might have found him dull. He wasn't out-going, romantic, or interested in my appearance. Luckily I didn't need him to tell me how I looked at any one time, because I had enough self-esteem to know when I did look good, and also enough self-awareness to know when I looked a mess! He still loved me whatever I looked like. That's worth a lot.

Your "old friend" is not the person you remember, be very careful.

You can turn the ‘not noticing’ to your advantage.
I like dressing up and buying new clothes and when, months later, MrA says something like, ‘that’s a nice dress, is it new?’ in a suspicious tone, I can truthfully reply that I’ve had it for ages.
The other thing worth remembering is that sometimes the very thing that attracted you to someone a long time ago can turn into the thing that annoys you decades later!

I feel sorry for your Husband. He is like alot of men who are not obsessed with how we look or what we are wearing. The main thing is he cares for you and is kind. There is nothing worse than being frightened or your partner/OH or worse things which many women suffer (and some men too). Living in the past with an 'old friend' is dangerous and could possibly back fire on you in a way you are not expecting. Be thankful for what you have.

Tread carefully.

My former husband never commented nor seemed to notice what I or anyone else wore for that matter. I was too ill to attend a wedding once, so he went alone. All he could tell me about the bride’s dress afterwards was that it was white!

Thoughtful answers to a hard question. I have spent over 50 years to a Wonderful man who has put up with me cared for me but most of all Loved Me. I often say to the grown up children "your Dad would not notice me if" I grew 2 heads"! The grass may have looked greener for me several times along the road we have come but I wouldn't change it And I wouldn't change him!!

knspol

Luminance

The grass isn't greener on the other side, you must water your own grass.

Totally agree!

I love that quote!

If I went missing, must husband wouldn't be able to give a description of me to the police. He rarely notices what I wear. However, although a man of few words and not at all romantic, I know he loves me. I have accepted that is the way he is.

I wouldn't dream of looking at nor engaging with another man, especially one I knew pre-marriage. You may live to regret it.