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My boyfriend's mom is manipulating and guilt tripping him into trying to break up with me and keep him from moving in with me.

(75 Posts)
mikuchan86 Sat 12-Apr-25 07:55:27

So I've been dating my boyfriend for a few months now and suddenly for some reason unknown to me my boyfriend's mom has decided that I am distracting him from the things he needs to do which are actually things I've been helping do better at and making sure he does what needs to be done.

He has stated that he doesn't want to break up but he feels that his mom supports him financially so much that he couldn't afford to leave but also feels like that is his mom and that he would doing the wrong thing by choosing to come live with me instead of staying with her.

The way he words things when talking about the situation sounds very much like mom is manipulating him with his currently financial status and threatening to take away her support if he isn't single. Also sounds like a lot of guilt trip with him saying but she's always been there for me and supported me. Now I am in no way trying to tell him to cut his mom out of his life but he also thinks if he was to choose to move out of there and move in with me that his mother would never talk to him again, once again in my eyes a manipulation. I don't understand where this came from because from my understanding me and his mom got along and saw eye to eye on a lot of things when it comes to my boyfriend so for her to all of a sudden feel like I'm such a threat that needs to be removed. The only thing I can think of is that she didn't like the idea of him moving out and being able to have a family outside of her.

That's actually partly why I'm making this post so both him and I can see what people think about the situation. This whole situation really bothers and hurts me because I don't believe I have done anything to bring this on from her other than her not wanting him to leave.

I don't know what to do moving forward in this situation. We still talk to each other everyday we just don't see each other as much as we were but for me that's extremely hard. I don't see this as normal mom behavior... At 26 years old I don't think he should be receiving ultimatums from his mom about his relationships just because he was thinking of moving in with me.

How can I approach either him or his mom in order to fix this situation? Or do I just give it some time and see how things unfold and hope that he sees the situation like I do? I really care about him a lot and our connection is amazing. I don't want to make him feel like he has to choose between his mom and me.

Thanks for any and all advice on this.

NotSpaghetti Sun 13-Apr-25 12:43:34

Grammaretto I bought left handed scissors.
They were hard to find then - much easier now.

Delila Sun 13-Apr-25 12:52:21

Are you older than your boyfriend mikuchan? If so, perhaps that’s what’s worrying his mother, even though you get on well with each other.

Caleo Sun 13-Apr-25 13:06:03

Allira, I sort of knew that caca meant excrement. I looked up the etymology of 'cack' and the word has a centuries-old history of meaning excrement. I suppose when outside privies were the rule with no running water it's sort of hygienic to reserve the left hand for use in the privy.
So 'cack handed' is an insult'.

Allira Sun 13-Apr-25 13:38:42

Caleo

Allira, I sort of knew that caca meant excrement. I looked up the etymology of 'cack' and the word has a centuries-old history of meaning excrement. I suppose when outside privies were the rule with no running water it's sort of hygienic to reserve the left hand for use in the privy.
So 'cack handed' is an insult'.

It's not a word I've heard since I was young so I probably never thought of it again!

Allira Sun 13-Apr-25 13:39:20

And I know I'm cack-handed.
Or cack-footed or both.

silverlining48 Sun 13-Apr-25 13:43:10

Cack means s**t? I learn something every day.

Allsorts Sun 13-Apr-25 20:36:32

Miku, it sounds like he is trying to get out, if he really cared he would choose you. Just walk and don't look back,

jeanie99 Sun 20-Apr-25 08:12:19

A 26 year old being supported by his mother, there’s something wrong there.There can’t be many 26 year old men who actually want to live with their mothers. Nothing will change look for a man, walk away.

25Avalon Sun 20-Apr-25 08:27:00

Excuses excuses! Avoid like the plague. He is a mummy's boy who is unlikely to cut the apron strings at this age and you will end up being riled by her too.

25Avalon Sun 20-Apr-25 08:27:56

Ruled not riled but probably that too

petra Sun 20-Apr-25 08:37:43

AI BOT alert ‼️

Lesley60 Sun 29-Jun-25 18:47:22

How old is this man to be manipulated by his mother, sorry but he sounds like a weak mummy’s boy, I fear this will end in disaster and you getting hurt I would dump him and look for a real man

keepingquiet Sun 29-Jun-25 18:57:59

Another old thread yawn...

hollysteers Sun 29-Jun-25 19:04:33

I can never be bothered reading novellas.

butterandjam Sun 29-Jun-25 19:14:05

Why is his Mum his financial support?

Why isn't a 26 yr old working and earning enough to support himself? Would he not have to share rent/ food/bills etc with you?

Are you planning to support him financially if/when the bank of mum runs dry?

Sadgrandma Sun 29-Jun-25 20:55:38

Why is he still financially dependent on his mother at the age of 26? That alone should be a red light for you. I also agree with others here that a few months is far to early to be thinking of moving in together, you barely know each other.

M0nica Mon 30-Jun-25 10:15:21

No man who cannot walk away from his mother, when he finds hes true love is not worth wasting 5 minutes with.

Carmen54 Sun 24-Aug-25 21:52:36

If he WANTS TO Move in with you he will do it regardless

If he don't he will listen to his Mother

It's as simple as that

Don't chasww sit back and observe

What's meant for. Will NOT pass you

Give yourself PEACE In all the Chaos

Carmen54 Sun 24-Aug-25 21:55:42

There's been no replays from this poster and Mum.was spelt the American way. Mom hmmm

Does anyone else think something fishy here ???

Oreo Sun 24-Aug-25 22:07:47

petra

AI BOT alert ‼️

Any long OP starting with SO is a bit of a warning.‼️

Abdul12 Thu 23-Oct-25 19:08:36

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

butterandjam Thu 23-Oct-25 20:20:09

You could say to him

" Don't worry about money, darling. You don't need to be financially supported by your Mum. I have a job and earn enough money to keep both of us . I will happily pay all the bills, do your washing, cook all your meals and clean. Just like she does. You never know, she might be quite glad of the break".

HowVeryDareYou2 Thu 23-Oct-25 21:23:42

Grammaretto

I lived in Birmingham for 2 years in the 1960's and never heard anyone saying mom.
DS is in Nottingham. I'll ask him.

But my DM was a mummy not a mum.
I'm a mum.

I'm from Nottingham, and people here say "Mam"

RosieandherMaw Thu 23-Oct-25 21:29:23

Didn’t we establish back in April - or more or less come to a conclusion - that this was a bit of a yarn?
Why give it the oxygen of publicity now just because it has been revived by a (deleted) spammer?