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What is the best thing to say?

(28 Posts)
Flakesdayout Mon 26-May-25 16:36:21

I will try and keep this brief. Many years ago one of my best friends had an affair which resulted in her divorce from an awful violent man. She eventually married the man she had the affair with and he became very controlling and was awful to her with gas lighting and coercive behaviour. She eventually got him to leave and started divorce proceedings. She had to get the police involved as she was scared of him. He met another woman and then she did not often hear from him. A couple of months ago he turned up with a problem with a large swelling down below. Her being the kind natured person that she is she went with him to the Hospital and then to have tests and GP appointments. His new relationship had failed and he had got some of the bad treatment himself. Now he rings her all the time, will turn up, and quite often they will go out for the day. I popped round to see her, he was there and he made snide comments. I do not understand why she can let this man back into her life when he treated her so badly. I know it is not my choice but he is awful. Should I just leave her be and pick up the pieces when it happens again, or should I tell what I am thinking. Probably not my business but I am worried about her.

Allsorts Sat 31-May-25 04:47:25

Nothing you say will made any difference, she will be back. Some people are drawn to those sort iof relationships for some reason.
Petra glad you made a good life, your poor mother what a life she must have had. It's heartbreaking.

Bettyyyy Thu 05-Jun-25 17:00:52

It’s completely understandable that you’re worried, you’ve seen your friend go through a lot, and it’s hard to watch her let someone back in who’s already hurt her deeply. You're right: ultimately, it’s her choice, but that doesn’t mean you have to stay silent.

You don’t need to confront her harshly, but you can gently express your concern. Something like, “I know it’s your life and I’ll always respect your decisions, but I just want to say I’m really worried seeing him back around after everything he put you through. I care about you and just don’t want to see you hurt again.” That way, you’ve shared your feelings without making her feel judged.

Sometimes people fall back into familiar patterns, especially when they’re kind-hearted. Let her know you’re there, no matter what, but it’s okay to set boundaries for your own peace too.