Hot water not working - husband done nothing

Skydancer

Everyone seems surprised that the OP’s husband would be angry. It seems to me that this is how most men would react. With only one exception I can say hand on heart that the husbands or partners of all the women I know are difficult one way or another and it’s invariably the women who acquiese.

I'm amazed at your post!!! Find it difficult to believe that you only know women with difficult husbands and appeasing wives.

As for Zorro I think you should just tell your DH you're going to ring the plumber unless of course you're actually frightened of him and not just trying to avoid an argument. If you are actually afraid of his reaction then you need more help than I can give. I hope that's not the case.

Skydancer

Everyone seems surprised that the OP’s husband would be angry. It seems to me that this is how most men would react. With only one exception I can say hand on heart that the husbands or partners of all the women I know are difficult one way or another and it’s invariably the women who acquiese.

I'm certainly glad "most men" are not my husband. The "he knows best" attitude doesn't ever work for me. Logic tells me nobody is always correct.

A current thread features a husband who feels it acceptable to choose her clothing, give her an allowance, become broody.

NO to these sort of husbands.

I advised a Premier Inn, I apologise for my comment. Stirring up an already angry husband with a hotel booking may not be best approach.

boheminan

Why can't you contact the plumber?

This.
Why do some women rely so heavily on their OH?

I would deal with this myself, without any problem. However, we don’t know the extent of Zorro’s husband’s anger, do we? She obviously has more issues than just a lack of hot water.

Skydancer

Everyone seems surprised that the OP’s husband would be angry. It seems to me that this is how most men would react. With only one exception I can say hand on heart that the husbands or partners of all the women I know are difficult one way or another and it’s invariably the women who acquiese.

Most of the women I know are less than perfect and most marriages always seem to be a matter of give and take.

In my case DH would have sorted the problem himself almost immediately, after an immensely enjoyable (for him) visit to B&Q. I am the procrastinator in our house, who gets defensive when things do not get done. On the other hand he is the family worrier and I adapt to cope wth that.

In this case, I get the impression that this kind of delay is par for the course, in which case why hasn't the OP developed a strategy to get round this problem years ago? In this situation I would have long ceased discussing domestic problems with him and simply rung someone myself and arranged for them to call - then told my (D)H

It's possible that the OP's husband really hates making phone calls like that. In that case, reminding him will feel like criticism and make him more reluctant.

I'd let him suffer a few days without hot water. Then I'd comment how difficult it is to cope and ask "Could we try that plumber I found? Will you ring him or would you rather I did?" Mind you, that request probably wouldn't work right away!

knspol Seriously I can only think of one couple I know where the husband doesn’t cause some issue. For example: One has a partner who drinks too much. Two women I know have husbands who speak to her disrespectfully in front of others. Another one has a husband who, in my eyes, often behaves like a sulky baby. Two of my friends have husbands with tempers. Obviously I can’t possibly know about everyone but I know what I observe and what I’m told. In my opinion we all have faults and it depends what you are, or are not, prepared to tolerate. Most of the aforementioned men have good qualities. If women left every difficult man there’d be very few partnerships left. Good for all of you who have the perfect man but I’ve never found one nor has almost any woman I know.

Good for all of you who have the perfect man but I’ve never found one nor has almost any woman I know.

Who said anything about perfect husbands? But very few men have perfect wives either. Six of one and half a dozen of the other. We are all human, and successful relationships are built on give and take and compromise.

M0nica That's my point.

I'm not sure people are infantilising ...its just that some are feeling that,as her reason for not doing it herself is "it will make him angry", tthe problem might be rather bigger in terms of the nature of that anger and the form it takes.

I have elderly relatives, he has always controlled everything, their bank account, making all phone calls doing all the orders etc. Certainly, like Zorro, she would never have considered making a phone call like this as he would have been be angry, although never violent (I hope) However, he is now very frail with memory problems and, with my encouragement, she is becoming much more assertive and he has had to accept it.
Zorro, do you have a relative or friend who could support you on the way I have supported my relative? There is strength in numbers and he will probably step back and let you do these things. If, however, as others have suggested, there is a deeper issue here, please do get help.
Have a look at this website?: www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/
Best wishes

fancythat

My suggestions, fwiw
1. If you are a Christain, pray about the specific situation
2. Stay calm yourself
3. Be measured and specific in your requests
4. Choose times to speak, and not to speak, wisely.

Heavens above! ... this is her life's partner, not her boss. Hav we not progressed at all from Victorian times?
Choose times to speak wisely ..... what can one say?
My hope is that the replies here have given the OP a new perspective that she can find a way of taking forward to get a better balance in her relationship.

Luckygirl3

fancythat

My suggestions, fwiw
1. If you are a Christain, pray about the specific situation
2. Stay calm yourself
3. Be measured and specific in your requests
4. Choose times to speak, and not to speak, wisely.

Heavens above! ... this is her life's partner, not her boss. Hav we not progressed at all from Victorian times?
Choose times to speak wisely ..... what can one say?
My hope is that the replies here have given the OP a new perspective that she can find a way of taking forward to get a better balance in her relationship.

Phone the plumber!

I am shocked at the number of posters who see "difficult" male partners as the norm. That is very worrying.
Clearly both men and women can have their moments and compromise is needed, but the idea that it is normal for men to be awkward and need tiptoeing round is shocking.

Well said Luckygirl

Iam64

Well said Luckygirl

Yes.

I think it's a defence mechanism because he knows he's failed but very unpleasant nonetheless.

I have always dealt with all household problems…finances, calling plumbers, builders, electricians. He just had to go to work and provide. I thought I was doing him a favour. Little did I realise, he was seething inside.
Needless to say he left. We are now divorced.
Am I glad I was aware of our financial situation !!! 😂

I think because this thread is in relationships, people will get concerned about things like that

This is all a bit OTT.
I’m surprised nobody has advocated LTB yet.

Maybe there would be difficulty in paying the plumber’s bill. That could explain quite a bit.

RosieandherMaw

This is all a bit OTT.
I’m surprised nobody has advocated LTB yet.

I thought the same, but as I've been castigated lately..

Where is annoyed glance -- maybe this will do.

😁

The OP could find somewhere with a hot shower if she does!

Norah

RosieandherMaw

This is all a bit OTT.
I’m surprised nobody has advocated LTB yet.

I thought the same, but as I've been castigated lately..

Where is annoyed glance -- maybe this will do.

😂😂😂

I'm nagging chatting to DH about a job I want doing so I'm going to have to sort it myself.
Needs must.

fancythat

My suggestions, fwiw
1. If you are a Christain, pray about the specific situation
2. Stay calm yourself
3. Be measured and specific in your requests
4. Choose times to speak, and not to speak, wisely.

Hilarious 😂 That was a joke, wasn’t it?

Still waiting to hear from Zorro following the comments. But somewhere to stay, with a hot water supply or, alternatively, LTB would be my recommendation!