Hot water not working - husband done nothing

Being without hot water is difficult and a pain, being with an angry husband is difficult and a pain, you have to choose one.

Grammaretto

Yes Zorro needs a marriage guidance counsellor rather than a plumber.

Joint counselling is not appropriate where there is abuse

Luckygirl3

I am shocked at the number of posters who see "difficult" male partners as the norm. That is very worrying.
Clearly both men and women can have their moments and compromise is needed, but the idea that it is normal for men to be awkward and need tiptoeing round is shocking.

I am not sure people are saying that a 'difficult' male is the norm and to be tiptoed round, but all of us have mild quirks that others learn to live with and also times when each has not been easy to live with because of anything from work problems to mental and physical health problems

After nearly 60 years of marriage, I can look back on good times and bad times when each if us has gone through patches when we were not easy to live with and our spouse tiptoed around us, but both decided on balance staying together was better than parting.

Patsy70

Still waiting to hear from Zorro following the comments. But somewhere to stay, with a hot water supply or, alternatively, LTB would be my recommendation!

If you have water on tap, a gas/ electric supply, you have access to hot water.

Monica After nearly 60 years of marriage, I can look back on good times and bad times when each if us has gone through patches when we were not easy to live with and our spouse tiptoed around us, but both decided on balance staying together was better than parting.

I remember Judi Dench saying that she and her husband often wanted to get divorced but never both at the same time, so they stayed together.

Its like the joke about the couple celebrating their Golden Wedding and someone asking one of them whether in 50 years they had ever contemplated divorce. The response was: 'Divorce? - never. Murder? - frequently.

Madgran77

I'm not sure people are infantilising ...its just that some are feeling that,as her reason for not doing it herself is "it will make him angry", tthe problem might be rather bigger in terms of the nature of that anger and the form it takes.

Quite.

I wonder what age the husband is. I can understand her husband might appear to get angry. My husband is almost 90 and gets confused and frustrated about jobs he used to be able to do and now can’t. Once a plumber turns up to repair the problem he’ll probably just be relieved.

Contact a plumber yourself..simple

Exactly what I said. Why does it need to be your husband? We are in 2025!

Phone heating engineer. Pronto

Skydancer

knspol Seriously I can only think of one couple I know where the husband doesn’t cause some issue. For example: One has a partner who drinks too much. Two women I know have husbands who speak to her disrespectfully in front of others. Another one has a husband who, in my eyes, often behaves like a sulky baby. Two of my friends have husbands with tempers. Obviously I can’t possibly know about everyone but I know what I observe and what I’m told. In my opinion we all have faults and it depends what you are, or are not, prepared to tolerate. Most of the aforementioned men have good qualities. If women left every difficult man there’d be very few partnerships left. Good for all of you who have the perfect man but I’ve never found one nor has almost any woman I know.

My late husband was not perfect but neither am I, give and take and mutual respect count for a lot. I was never fearful of saying anything to him and don't know of any other wife who wouldn't say the same thing.

It's called coercive control. I was in a marriage like it some years ago. Hard to recognise when you're in it. It's not easy being in that situation. Speak to family... I didn't and wish I had.

RosieandherMaw

However, being cynical…

Yep, and in the interim phone the plumber yourself, and tell your better half that he may be willing to live without hot water,but you are not.

You have made a fine rod for your own back putting up with this kind of behaviour from your husband, haven't you?

If he gets angry, then tell him, that if when you ask him nicely to do something that he prefers to do than let you do, either he does it at once, or he asks you nicely to do it.

I've never heard such nonsense! Most men I know, including my husband, would phone the relevant tradesperson immediately there was a problem. But he doesn't consider it "his" job and sometimes I'm the one who makes the call. If the OP's husband would be "angry" if she did it, then it seems to me like an abusive marriage.

I’m the one who finds and books tradesmen. I imagine that many women are the same. Just book the plumber and explain the problem when he arrives. Your husband is unlikely to refuse him entrance.

Madgran77 said

I'm not sure people are infantilising .

Really?

"Did you ask him if he would like you to phone the plumber to save him time? Secondly is a plumber the right person? Not all plumbers do heating and you may need a central heating engineer. You can’t always get anyone on a Saturday without paying a fortune for an emergency call out which it doesn’t sound like yours is. Maybe dh is waiting until Monday morning?"

I assume this is fixed now but why wouldn’t he want the water restored? Did you ask him?

Zorro21

What would fellow gransnetters do ?

Hot water failed Friday morning. Husband can't fix it. He knows the problem needs a plumber. He "forgot" to try to contact any plumber Friday. Friday evening he promised faithfully to contact a perfectly good and reasonable local plumber I found on Trust a Trader. I read the reviews out to him. This morning (Saturday) I asked him if he had contacted plumber and was told to "stop pestering him". So in this hot and sweaty weather it is going to be difficult to wash and wash up just using a kettle. Any views ?

Make the call myself.

Blimey! Put on your big girl pants and phone the plumber. !! Tell miserable sod husband to go to hell on a handcart!

What's the difference between you being angry DH has done nothing about the plumbing, and he being angry because you did. Tit for tat me thinks.

I don’t actually know any husband that would be angry mine wouldn’t be or my friends husbands. In fact I’m the one that generally contacts all the tradesmen I hope you are ok zorro

Hope all fixed now as it’s several days later

Dillonsgranma

Blimey! Put on your big girl pants and phone the plumber. !! Tell miserable sod husband to go to hell on a handcart!

That's the point.

Many wives[or husbands for that matter] do not want to do that.
They dont want a separation or a divorce.

Sometimes, or often, the alternatives are worse.

Grannynannywanny

My initial thought is that it may be something simple like a drop in water pressure in the boiler and it’s very simple to top up. I need to do mine every 12-18 months. Worth a try before paying for a plumber. You’ll find a demo on YouTube.

However, if you can’t contact tradesmen without your husband becoming angry then it’s more than your boiler that’s a problem.

I agree GNW. If it's a combi-boiler like Vaillant look error codes like F75 or F22 and learn how easy the fixes are.