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Boring Husband and my retirement

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Blis1234 Sun 24-Aug-25 12:39:43

I recently retired a few months ago and was genuinely excited about being able to finally have time to go out with my OH on day trips or grab a cup of coffee in a nice cafe, nothing extravagant but just something nice to look forward to. My OH however has rejected every suggestion I’ve made, he doesn’t see the point in going out for a coffee when he can make one at home for free. I’ve said let’s just go for a nice drive out then… ‘No, I don’t fancy that’ is his reply. In the last two weeks, the only place I’ve been to is one trip to our local Asda to get the food shop. Husband sat in the car in the car park while I dashed around getting the shopping, it took me 20 minutes to get in and out.

He barely communicates, rarely makes eye contact. Expects me to cook his evening meal and call out when it’s on the table. He eats it, with no conversation in between, then gets up when he’s finished, leaving me to wash and dry the dishes . He goes to his room (we have separate bedrooms) at 7.30pm and I don’t see him until 8.30am, where he’s sitting at the kitchen table, with the news channel blaring on the tv. Again, no conversation unless I instigate it.

I’m presently sitting on my bed reading, while he’s downstairs messing about with our old vacuum cleaner trying to get it to work. It died last month after ten years service. Which has now got me thinking… is this it? Is this what the next chapter of my life looks like? Will I have to live like a single woman, even though I’m married? Are any of you experiencing this from your OH’s?

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knspol Wed 27-Aug-25 12:59:25

RosieandherMaw

Frogoet

Leave! I ended up stuck with a severely disabled husband and spend all my time doing things on my own because he’s so miserable
Currently doing the rounds of A n E as he won’t stay in hospital.
Escape and live!
I’m still considering it but now it’s so v complicated in every way.

I am speechless.
And if it had been the other way round, Frogoet ?
I think my days on GN have to be numbered I cannot believe the women who blame their husbands for eg being severely disabled and unable to do things with them. But more important, nor do I feel I belong with this mindset.
Am I just old fashioned?
“Sickness and in health “ works both ways. I was constantly in awe of my old dad’s devotion to my mum as she grew increasingly disabled - and not infrequently grumpy with it. When she was in hospital he would trek over by bus - by then well into his 80’s-to visit her every day “because it’s what you do” when you love somebody.
Speaking personally I often had to go to things on my own as Paw ‘s health declined and I admit I enjoyed them apart from regretting that he was missing out.
But that’s what you do
Now at 77 after 7 years on my own I still miss him as much as when he died and miss his company but the callous advice to “escape and live!” simply horrifies me.

Absolutely with you on this one RosieandherMaw. Very difficult to read such comments especially as a widow who tried so hard to do her very best for her DH when he was so ill. After 3 yrs I still feel guilty that maybe there was more I could have done to help him.

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hellymart Wed 27-Aug-25 22:39:45

Your situation sounds exactly like my parents'. My father could go for days (weeks!) without speaking to my mother - and to me, when I still lived at home - in a sulk/blanking us because we'd done something wrong or had displeased him. My mother was basically an unpaid and unappreciated skivvy. They did nothing together, he wasn't even pleasant to her most of the time, I could never understood why she stayed and she ended up as his carer, before he finally had to go into a home and died a few years ago. So please don't let this happen to you. As others have said, you only have one life, so think carefully about how you want your retirement to be and don't let him ruin it!

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