Wife on dating sites

You don't get much sex on a phone. Maybe she just wants some attention and someone to listen?

If it is just chats she is after, does she have female friends?

Better up your game then😬

I wonder what the replies would be if it was my husband spends a lot of time on dating sites.

Well done different of course.

But isn’t it like a man to think that she’s doing it for sex?

I mean, what else could she possibly be needing……..

Dating sights and she's chatting to men doesn't sound promising to me I'm afraid.

I would not be happy at a partner doing that - translated as "There would be a row about it". So - fingers crossed it all works out okay.

“Schools out……….”

Astitchintime

“Schools out……….”

Yeah. But I’m needing to be amused too….

With Gransnet posts I mean😳🤣🤣🤣🤣

Is this for real?

It happens often enough but usually men chatting to other women.
I wouldn’t put up with it from my DP and he certainly wouldn’t from me.
It needs talking about and if either a husband or wife won’t stop then it’s time to part ways.

Or maybe just have more and better conversations with her.

That seems to be what she’s seeking that you’re not providing Sailaway. How about it😬

Well, I can just imagine how I'd feel if my OH was on a chat line, why can't she chat to you, if it's innocent?

pably15

Well, I can just imagine how I'd feel if my OH was on a chat line, why can't she chat to you, if it's innocent?

Well, I've been a good hubby, supportive , caring. I love her and all that goes with it. But she suffers with low self-esteem. I do my best to build her confidence in herself but I think connecting with men online gives her a sense of validation and is also a bit of a dopamine hit for her. But the flipside of that is I don't feel respected and I'm often lied to. I'm just bewildered by it.

I think that connecting with men online is not only disrespectful but a big red flag. Imagine how your wife would feel if you did this, do you suppose she would blame it on low self esteem or be packing your stuff in a bin liner ready to show you the door?
Am afraid that women with low self esteem don’t generally talk to men on dating sites but women looking for another man probably do.

Fallingstar

I think that connecting with men online is not only disrespectful but a big red flag. Imagine how your wife would feel if you did this, do you suppose she would blame it on low self esteem or be packing your stuff in a bin liner ready to show you the door?
Am afraid that women with low self esteem don’t generally talk to men on dating sites but women looking for another man probably do.

Oh yes, I would be treated differently in the same situation. I think the reason why I stay is largely to do with the fact that I'd be quite isolated as where we live , I don't have any family. I'm also getting older.

Sailaway- you posted on the cheating thread that you found out your wife had 2 affairs in the past (one man over 2 separate periods) and you wished you had not found out.

There is a real risk of repetition of history repeating itself. Also your wife seemingly has no concern of your feelings when she accesses on line dating sites in your presence.

However, it seems you have decided to stay and tolerate her behaviour as you are isolated and getting older. That's very sad.

LemonJam

Sailaway- you posted on the cheating thread that you found out your wife had 2 affairs in the past (one man over 2 separate periods) and you wished you had not found out.

There is a real risk of repetition of history repeating itself. Also your wife seemingly has no concern of your feelings when she accesses on line dating sites in your presence.

However, it seems you have decided to stay and tolerate her behaviour as you are isolated and getting older. That's very sad.

Well, I honestly don't know what to do. Hence me putting it out on here. There was an affair in 2019. It split us up briefly but I wasn't strong enough to split up permanently. I should've called it a day then. These days, she's back communicating online and I fear an affair will happen again.

I'm in my last couple of years working before I retire. The job is one of the things which hems me in regard to what choices I make. I do turn a blind eye to a lot of things but after I retire, I may feel stronger in tackling this. She doesn't respect me and I feel the dating sites are excitement for her.

Sailaway

LemonJam

Sailaway- you posted on the cheating thread that you found out your wife had 2 affairs in the past (one man over 2 separate periods) and you wished you had not found out.

There is a real risk of repetition of history repeating itself. Also your wife seemingly has no concern of your feelings when she accesses on line dating sites in your presence.

However, it seems you have decided to stay and tolerate her behaviour as you are isolated and getting older. That's very sad.

Well, I honestly don't know what to do. Hence me putting it out on here. There was an affair in 2019. It split us up briefly but I wasn't strong enough to split up permanently. I should've called it a day then. These days, she's back communicating online and I fear an affair will happen again.

I'm in my last couple of years working before I retire. The job is one of the things which hems me in regard to what choices I make. I do turn a blind eye to a lot of things but after I retire, I may feel stronger in tackling this. She doesn't respect me and I feel the dating sites are excitement for her.

I don't know if you are having us on...but you know what you should do...

Sailaway

pably15

Well, I can just imagine how I'd feel if my OH was on a chat line, why can't she chat to you, if it's innocent?

Well, I've been a good hubby, supportive , caring. I love her and all that goes with it. But she suffers with low self-esteem. I do my best to build her confidence in herself but I think connecting with men online gives her a sense of validation and is also a bit of a dopamine hit for her. But the flipside of that is I don't feel respected and I'm often lied to. I'm just bewildered by it.

Your wife is looking for the excitement she not getting at home, she needs intimacy, not just sex but cuddles and romance, maybe adventure.
What interests do you have in common where do you go for days out, holidays.

I think thsi thread is genuine.

If you are two years off retirement, you are not that old.

You are isolated where you live. That could be changed and would I assume if you left your wife.
In some ways she has already left you[two affairs].
I agree that no family is an issue.

Well, as a woman, I would be furious if my husband made contact with unknown women online and then spent hours talking or messaging them.

For goodness sake, just sit her down, nicely and calmly, and ask her what is “missing” that she feels she can only get it in this way.

There was an affair in 2019. It split us up briefly but I wasn't strong enough to split up permanently. I should've called it a day then. These days, she's back communicating online and I fear an affair will happen again.

Sadly it sounds like you could be right Sailaway 😕
You've got a couple of years before you retire, so you need to seriously think about what you want your life to be then.
Do have family in another area, if not nearby?
Would moving and a fresh start be something that appeals to you?

The usual advice for someone in your situation is to "get your ducks in a row," ie start to take some advice, make some plans, look at your finances and how that would pan out.
I think if you did that it would clarify how you feel about staying with your wife, or whether it would give you a new lease of life to draw a line and move on. You could have many years ahead of you yet.
I wish you well 😊

David I think you may have it right there. Intimacy, real intimacy, is about more than sex. However, since subsequent posts indicate she has had affairs, I think you should go for some counselling together. It may help sort things out between you or it may give you courage personally to find out other ways ahead than being with someone who at is just hurting you.

its scary contemplating being alone but you really are not that old yet, there are some nicer ladies out there.

Or you may discover you can be more self sufficient than you thought.

Don’t make the mistake I have.
Looking back I should have left my husband years ago.
Over the years he as got worse and is now really nasty to me at times.After 55 Years of marriage it is too late for me.
He said to me a couple of days ago “Why would I care what you think “
At the club he goes to they think he is a wonderful man, I feel like saying what he’s like at home.
I have just finished chemotherapy and he just dismissed my last year of treatment like it was going to the dentist for a check up.
You know what you need to do, best of luck.