Paternity leave to be financed

Several of us have spoken about how pleased we were to have the support of our mothers in those early days. I agree absolutely.
I was able to offer my daughters this, including the one living abroad, because I was in my sixties, and retired, by the time my grandchildren started to arrive.
However, if they had started their families when they were younger, I could not have been any help, with a job, and caring responsibilities for an elderly mother.
Thank goodness for hands on fathers.

My husband had 3 days paternity leave. My mother in law came to stay for a couple of days because my husband was going for interviews for a new job. My daughter has reently had a baby bu c-section. Her husband was able to stay at the hospital overnight and has 9 weeks paternity leave, which does include some holiday leave.

Like it or not, the world has changed since we were young mothers!

Today's young women and men are more inclined to share both household chores and the upbringing of their children along the lines of both being able to do most things, rather than along a female/male division of labour.

Admittedly, I have yet to see any male, except a bat, breast-feeding, but anyone can change a nappy, surely?

Our generation of women could at the age of nine or ten, remember?

Although the legislation improves availability of paternity leave, and removes the previous qualifying period of employment, this is unpaid. Which is a real problem for many families.

My nephew could not afford to take his full paternity leave for either of his children. Like very many workers in the UK, he has no access to paid paternity leave. He has statutory minimum annual leave, and compulsory days over Christmas when the business is closed are deducted from this. (He is a great and very hands-on dad though.)

People in secure, well-paid work often don’t realise how many people in the UK workforce just don’t enjoy the same kind of benefits that they take for granted. It’s the same with statutory maternity pay. This is paid at 90% of normal salary for six weeks, then drops to £196 per week. Many women don’t get this topped up, can’t afford to take the reduction in pay and have to go back to work much sooner than the 39 weeks allowed. UK Maternity arrangements are still among the least generous in Europe.

No mine was of the opinion that it’s not his job!!! This was as recent as 20 years ago. In fact his brother who lived in Brussels at the time flew over to help me for a couple of weeks from the day I left the hospital. He was a godsend.

Paid paternity leave has been around for years, my sisters husband had it when their 1st daughter was born and she's in her 20s now.

I didn't even have a man that would want to to do that, he was useless as a father.
My son and sil both took paternity leave thiu, and thankfully they're both very hands on dads, in fact my son does more than his wife... I raised him to be equal with his partners in all things.

Maybe it's because being around for your own family shouldn't be called 'helping'. It's doing what they should be doing - sharing the load.

No help. 71 and 74 had a two and a half year old then twins. Dh due to his job was away from home a lot of the time or worked irregular hours. No family. I managed, how, I do not know considering all the woes mothers seem to have these days.

We were very fortunate that my husband's company allowed him to 'work from home' for a week for all 3 of our children. He was a tremendous help to me. This was 43 years ago. So quite unusual then. I think it's important for both parents to support each other for a week or two.

AuntieE

Like it or not, the world has changed since we were young mothers!

Today's young women and men are more inclined to share both household chores and the upbringing of their children along the lines of both being able to do most things, rather than along a female/male division of labour.

Admittedly, I have yet to see any male, except a bat, breast-feeding, but anyone can change a nappy, surely?

Our generation of women could at the age of nine or ten, remember?

The first nappy I ever changed was my own daughter's. She was also the first baby I had ever held.

My three were all born three weeks before due date. DH had booked a week’s holiday for approximately a week after due date. His job didn’t allow him to to take holidays at the last minute, so I was on my own with them when they first came home.

My husband too was one of nine and the youngest. He never ever changed a nappy, he left one son on the toilet till I came home!!! Refused to wipe his bottom, never did bath times or well anything really. Went to work the day I came home, being self employed back in the day probably didnt help and to be honest I managed better without him. Even if he'd had paid time off, he would still have been useless. Children in his eyes were "women's work" and still are. The youngsters have it so very different nowadays.

Bazza

I don’t know if this the right site, I couldn’t find one that really suited, but I just wondered what other grans feel about this. Our first daughter was born in 1973 and the thought of my DH taking two weeks off work to “help” are beyond ridiculous. I’m very well aware that things are very different these days with fathers taking a far bigger role in the physical needs of babies, but smaller companies will really suffer. Did you get any help with a new born?

Lots of us are lucky to have hands on husbands, if my husband hadn't been naturally I would soon have trained him. It is so very important that both parents are involved with the children and hands on. We are so behind the Scandinavian countries in this way, who have far longer and better entitlements. Of course the new dad should have time off to bond with his child and to help his wife.

Paperbackwriter

Maybe it's because being around for your own family shouldn't be called 'helping'. It's doing what they should be doing - sharing the load.

Spot on always

Bazza

No, just the thought of my DH helping with a new baby was beyond ridiculous, perhaps I didn’t make that clear. I’m quite envious of dads that were or are hands on. And I do think PT is a good thing.

I’m sorry, not time to read every reply. But honestly, your set up sounds positively Victorian. I’m 61. My dad was also a very tradition nap man. But he changed nappies when he was there 🤷‍♀️

Traditional man. Not “nap man”! No idea where that came from.

My husband took a week’s leave with each of our children. Didn’t get help from anyone else except when I went to hospital after one of them as an emergency patient ( lovely doctor left half the placenta behind and I nearly died). I have to say I was looked after much better in the hospital in Australia than in the UK, the care standard at that time could only be described as disgusting over there. Cockroaches and Pooh up the toilet walls and doctors who couldn’t give a stuff. Midlands hospital.

I’ve just remembered a dear friend, now long deceased, who was left in charge of his son. When the baby soiled his nappy he was so horrified he took him to A and E and actually persuaded a nurse to change him! This was probably fifty years ago, can you imagine it now? He was very charming and often managed to get flight upgrades when we went on holiday with him and his wife.

In 86 and 93 my DH had 2 weeks' paternity leave, it wasn't holiday just something his employer did for all his staff.
He now owns this business & has just given DS 2 weeks paternity leave for our first grandson.
I've always taken it for granted really, never realised it wasn't a legal right till 2003. DH wasn't much help with the babies, I remember the health visitor telling him off because he was painting the fence & she said he should be helping with the baby / housework.

Thing is, years ago no-one moved too far from family so there was usually always a mum, grandma or family member to assist the new mum, nowadays most folks move around far from family and the " village " on streets just isn't there anymore, so yes, I feel it IS very much needed. ( and no, I had no help whatsoever with mine from any source)

With our first we were working in the Med and OH was teaching Summer Hours, finishing at lunchtime, so he was half home and we also had the school's summer holiday. It was from mid June until the end of September before I was on my own. We came back to UK in July to see grandparents, made me grateful for living so far away from their, mainly my mother's, 'advice ', aka interference!

MibsXX

Thing is, years ago no-one moved too far from family so there was usually always a mum, grandma or family member to assist the new mum, nowadays most folks move around far from family and the " village " on streets just isn't there anymore, so yes, I feel it IS very much needed. ( and no, I had no help whatsoever with mine from any source)

Not everyone needs constant input from others though, can't fathom the 'village's nonsense myself.

Thing is, years ago no-one moved too far from family so there was usually always a mum, grandma or family member to assist the new mum

Yes, they did. They always have.

I was lucky because my DP travelled 200 miles (by train) to stay after DC1 was born because DH had to go away with work.

DH took days from his annual leave when I came out of maternity care, 1983 & 85.
But — I remember regular visits from health visitors, a check up from a district nurse, and then staff checking up on me at the baby clinics, services which don’t seem available to modern mums. My two dils in this country have been left to their own devices.

Mine were born 90 and 93 and my dh took unpaid leave for a week . He’s self employed and has his own business. He was a hands on dad , changed nappies, did bath time . So yes I support paid paternity leave .
My dh and I both had our own properties when we met, so we’re always shared the chores . We don’t have pink and blue chores and that extended to child care too.