Women leaving partners after retirement

I can fully understand how this might happen. For instance, a woman may have been contemplating this for some time, but if one or both of them had been working there was a means of temporary relief from their unhappiness. However, once they're confronted by the prospect of being with their husband for 24 hours a day, the reality becomes too much to bear. She may have developed a social life outside of the marriage and now it is coming under threat from a husband who has his own ideas about how they should spend their time. Again, it may be that she simply cannot stand to suddenly have him under her feet. Lot of men seem incapable of coping for themselves and this will also cause frustration when he is around all of the time with extra demands on her time and energy. Perhaps she may have even tried to discuss these things with him, but they hadn't sunk in? No doubt, these women wouldn't have done this without a lot of thought.

I don’t doubt it was done without a lot of thought and sleepless nights.
I truly think that if they need to leave they should .
It must be terrifying starting again in retirement and you only get one life so I am fully behind them.I just wish the partners could see what lies ahead and think about how they treat people before this happens.

I know someone who did this for their own sanity. The control, coercion, bullying and cruelty they faced daily almost caused a total breakdown. They summoned the courage to go shopping one morning and never went back home! She is settled, happy, contented and no longer persecuted for wanting to have an opinion on how she lives.

Belardo

I can fully understand how this might happen. For instance, a woman may have been contemplating this for some time, but if one or both of them had been working there was a means of temporary relief from their unhappiness. However, once they're confronted by the prospect of being with their husband for 24 hours a day, the reality becomes too much to bear. She may have developed a social life outside of the marriage and now it is coming under threat from a husband who has his own ideas about how they should spend their time. Again, it may be that she simply cannot stand to suddenly have him under her feet. Lot of men seem incapable of coping for themselves and this will also cause frustration when he is around all of the time with extra demands on her time and energy. Perhaps she may have even tried to discuss these things with him, but they hadn't sunk in? No doubt, these women wouldn't have done this without a lot of thought.

or maybe a drop in income from a wage to a pension explains it?

Good for her

Retired man comes home from golf/mistress/pub/ finds a note saying Ive left, is amazed, bleats, I had no idea she felt this way, why didn’t she ever say?
Wife sighs, I’ve been telling him for years …

SORES

Retired man comes home from golf/mistress/pub/ finds a note saying Ive left, is amazed, bleats, I had no idea she felt this way, why didn’t she ever say?
Wife sighs, I’ve been telling him for years …

So true. So many men have cloth ears whilst it suits them, until it’s too late!

Many men retire, having had a second life outside house and home, and expect to sit on their throne while their wives suddenly have to be the one to adapt to suit their Lord and Master.

Her life is clumsily subsumed into his life and any autonomy the wife previously had simply vanishes down the drain.

I'm not surprised so many women, if they get the chance, walk out.

I AM surprised there are so few angry wives murdering complacent husbands.

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After a small heart scare we decided that my husband should sell his business and take an early retirement (at 59). Financially, it wasn't a problem.

After about a month of being home and bringing me up a morning cup of tea (7:30-8:00ish), he suddenly said - "I would have thought that you'd get up early in the morning and make us both breakfast".

I said - "Why? You're the one with all the spare time. My routine hasn't changed".

It was never mentioned again! And actually with that out of the way it's been great ever since!
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Truffle43

I meet lots of people when volunteering and I have met several men who have been devastated as their wives have walked out after he has retired.
I honestly think that the men think it’s a sudden decision not that it has been years in the making.
They cannot understand what they have done wrong. I think there must of been issues previously but they haven’t seen it.
Do these wives manage during their working lives but on being home 24/7 with a retired husband think I am done and cannot do this anymore. I fully understand and am not judging just curious. Any insights into this?

I think your insights are spot on 👍🏻

I wish I was brave enough to do it!

Is there reason to stay?

Barbadosbelle

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After a small heart scare we decided that my husband should sell his business and take an early retirement (at 59). Financially, it wasn't a problem.

After about a month of being home and bringing me up a morning cup of tea (7:30-8:00ish), he suddenly said - "I would have thought that you'd get up early in the morning and make us both breakfast".

I said - "Why? You're the one with all the spare time. My routine hasn't changed".

It was never mentioned again! And actually with that out of the way it's been great ever since!
.

Applause! That was telling him.🫡🫡🫡👍👍👍👏👏👏

I think these woman are super brave.

I do know women who have left. After a lifetime of doing most of the housework while having their own job they are faced with the prospect of more of the same while their husband enjoys his retirement.

The man enjoys his hobbies and free time and comes home to a clean house, meals cooked and laundry sorted.
Women don't want a lifetime of servitude. I can understand why they leave.

Barbadosbelle

"Make us both breakfast"?

The guts to say that!

Applause from me too.

He wouldnt have any more cups of tea from me if he took me from granted like that

As much as I love my hubby now he is retired I am struggling. He never stops me doing anything but I do miss having time to myself at home..he doesn’t go out much and just wants to watch the telly all day. I miss having friends over for lunch too - he never seems to want to do anything

Had a friend who divorced her husband after they both retired. She said it was hard enough dealing with him when they were both working but doing it all the time when they retired would have killed her.
She is now happily living alone and enjoying her retirement immensely.

These men can’t understand what they’ve done wrong. But I think it might be that they haven’t really done anything right. I’m generalising but women often want a whole lot more meaningful relationship than a man does, on retirement. When they realise the pure mundanity that many men apparently like to enjoy, they may decide they can be freer to enjoy themselves if they’re on their own. They may want more and feel they’ll go stir crazy with their husband as main company for the rest of their lives. I think this can come about if the couple are both working hard, bringing up children and have grown apart by the time they retire. They may actually have little in common …and yet this superficial relationship is enough for the man. Whether the woman actually finds what she wants by leaving…well, I’m not sure, probably some do, and some don’t.

I'm just reading "Mrs Winterbottom takes a gap year" about this very subject.

Stillness - reading your post, I wonder if it is due to an expectation? of communication, behavioural norms,
enjoying each other’s company, often being disappointed

whereas, living alone, no such expectation exists - if you
talk to your dog he just wags his tail anyway, the cat just
stalks off, no one to judge us or say we are keeping them
awake when we are downstairs making Ovaltine at 3am,
and on Gransnet

I knew a couple where he got home on the day he retired to find his bags packed. I still think money motivates some, his income drops so he's out. Let's not pretend men are always the baddies and women are as pure as the driven snow.

I get that!

Men are so clueless, my wife was in exactly the same situation after the kids left home retirement looming, no common interest, no communication, no intimacy so she divorced her husband.
I knew them as a couple, there didnt seem anything in particular wrong but you never do, until I heard she was leaving. I was already widdowed, so when the divorce was over I asked for a date, all she wanted was affection, companionship and a little bit of excitement.