Son in laws behaviour on Mothers day of all days

This sounds incredibly disrespectful. Is he always like this? Maybe he and your daughter had had a row.

dragonfly46

This sounds incredibly disrespectful. Is he always like this? Maybe he and your daughter had had a row.

He has done this practically every time they have called to the door for something yes and Im always upset but get over it but ive honestly had enough of it

Why not walk over to the car, tap on the window and speak to him? Alternatively, invite them in for a cuppa and catchup or even for lunch/tea. He might think, as you’ve probably not done any of these things before that you’re not that invested on having a relationship with him. He might also have been messaging his own mum…….on Mothers Day.

Astitchintime

Why not walk over to the car, tap on the window and speak to him? Alternatively, invite them in for a cuppa and catchup or even for lunch/tea. He might think, as you’ve probably not done any of these things before that you’re not that invested on having a relationship with him. He might also have been messaging his own mum…….on Mothers Day.

Im working from home on a 10 hour shift today hence the door drop. He has been for plenty of meals at my home before and i look after granddaughter regularly quite an asumption saying ive not done any of thos things before in 12 years

You aren’t his Mother so I can understand this, he dropped his wife there to give you presents, you are her Mother.
It wouldn’t bother me at all.

and yes he may of been messaging his own mum on mothers day but can still look up and acknowledge others

Oreo

You aren’t his Mother so I can understand this, he dropped his wife there to give you presents, you are her Mother.
It wouldn’t bother me at all.

wasnt expecting a mothers day gesture from my SIL, just not to have been ignored would of been enough. Maybe a smile or wave through the car window

I would have shouted a loud hello to him. I am sure he would have looked up then. He probably just didn’t think,

What is your relationship with him like on non-Mothers Days?

To be honest, it wouldn't bother me at all. The main thing is that my daughter is happy with him. At least your daughter is invested in you and that is the most important person in the equation.

I’d have been a bit hurt too ceejayjay though I’m pretty sure my SiL wouldn’t have been so rude (I hope!). If he had been I think DD would have had something to say about it! 😂

I must say, I would not have noticed, my focus would be on the daughter bringing gifts on what is now an important day for her as well.

Well he does sound thoughtless - some people are - but at least your gd doesn’t take after him. That’s something to be thankful for. Two people were thoughtful, don’t even think about the other one.

It's very rude not to simply put his hand up to you, with a smile, to acknowledge you. Some people are so ignorant nowadays, it frustrates me so much. Good manners have gone out of the window. Your daughter probably felt embarrassed, I hope she said something to him when she got back in the car. You're worth more than that, don't let it spoil your mother's day, I feel sorry for his own mother, he's probably like that with her too 🙄. Have some more flowers 💐 x

Don’t let it upset you, he’s not your son, if he makes your daughter happy just ignore him!

I’d be inclined to invite your daughter & GC in for a cuppa and leave him in the car!

Maybe he thought it best for you and your daughter to have time alone on Mother’s Day. I know years ago I drove to my daughters on her birthday and my partner insisted on coming with me and I really just wanted to spend some time alone with her. It really annoyed me. Going off at a tangent here but since having children of his own my son never bothers to give me a Mother’s Day card. The first year it happened I cried all day but now I’m resigned to it and have to pretend to him that I don’t mind . He’s always been thoughtful in other ways and I don’t understand it.

Perhaps he is shy and unsure, so didn't want to intrude on the happiness with you DD and DGD.
Some people, often male, use their phones to hide behind in company when they lack confidence.

I think I would be a bit upset about this, simply acknowledging you with a quick wave would be the done thing. But there is never any rhyme or reason for some people’s lack of good manners, and he probably doesn’t even realise how you feel, could have been brought up this way.
I had a football mad uncle who when visiting with my auntie would sit in the car the whole time listening to the footy on the radio because he knew my dad hated the game and so wouldn’t have it on the telly.
My auntie would even take his plate of food out to him in the car laughing about football mad men. My mum and dad always complained about this afterwards but tolerated it because of my auntie.
Am afraid some people just don’t have many social graces.

He may just be a self-centred person and not much like you. If what happened today was typical of his behaviour, I would have ignored it and just shrugged it off. If it was unusual I would have asked DD what was wrong with him, and she may well have told you. I think either way I would have walked to the car knocked on his window and exchanged a few words with him, just because I would know it would irritate him.

I do not have a SiL only a Dil, so have little experience of this kind of situation.

But isn't this typical of modern behaviour? I know so many people who behave like this including family who visit. I just ignore them now. If they want anything or to talk to me they have to make the effort.

I don’t think this would have bothered me too much I d have been concentrating on my daughter on the doorstep and not think twice about him in the car, but then I m prettying easy going on things like that

Perhaps to have invited them all in would have been nice. Cup of tea and a chat rather than stand on the doorstep. Maybe if he thought your welcome was a bit chilly towards your daughter, he was doing the same.

Well, it was not polite, but you saw your daughter and had a chat with her, which is far more important. Ignore him.

No excuses. I'd call him ignorant.