Son in laws behaviour on Mothers day of all days

And they would know that Sarnia isn't Sarina! 🤣

InRainbows

I must say, I would not have noticed, my focus would be on the daughter bringing gifts on what is now an important day for her as well.

Agree. You’re not his mother . If they knew you were working, it was clearly a flying visit. Wouldn’t bother me.

It wouldn’t bother me. I think it’s lovely that they made the effort to drive round to your house. I would expect, once a daughter becomes a mum herself, that the focus is on her day with her children. I had some lovely Mothering Sundays when they were young but I’ve had my time. Sending a card or flowers to Granny is wonderful - you are very lucky that you received a visit. Did they visit the husband’s mum too?

It doesn't really matter whether it would bother other posters, it bothered the OP, and I think that dragging up previous posts about her MH is horrible.

I'm sorry it put a downer on your day, OP. I hope you've been able to take a step back now and aren't so hurt. Maybe your SIL knew you'd be working and wouldn't have time to chat, so left it to your daughter?

I think people are responding to the first sentence Doodledog ‘How would people feel’

Fair enough - I hadn't thought of it like that. It just seemed like the thread was turning against the OP unnecessarily, but I take your point.

Even with differing views (I'm totally with ceejayjay) there is no need for nastiness and sniping, let's keep everything friendly, this is getting very mumsnetty 😟

ceejayjay

Sarnia

Perhaps to have invited them all in would have been nice. Cup of tea and a chat rather than stand on the doorstep. Maybe if he thought your welcome was a bit chilly towards your daughter, he was doing the same.

Thanks for repeating yourself Sarina

Sarnia didn't repeat herself, her post kept getting quoted.

Anyway, it was obviously a busy working day for you so perhaps your SiL didn't want to interrupt when your DD and DGD popped to see you briefly. You are his MiL, not his Mum after all.

I would expect, once a daughter becomes a mum herself, that the focus is on her day with her children.

Yes, a good point, AutumnColours and InRainbows too.

Doodledog

It doesn't really matter whether it would bother other posters, it bothered the OP, and I think that dragging up previous posts about her MH is horrible.

I'm sorry it put a downer on your day, OP. I hope you've been able to take a step back now and aren't so hurt. Maybe your SIL knew you'd be working and wouldn't have time to chat, so left it to your daughter?

It's not horrible, dragging up previous posts about her MH

It is quite relevant as they may have gone out for lunch perhaps but ceejayjay understandably might find that difficult. I do understand about that as people I know have had or do gave that condition.
Anyway, she was working. So no time to celebrate.

TheSunRisesInTheEast

Even with differing views (I'm totally with ceejayjay) there is no need for nastiness and sniping, let's keep everything friendly, this is getting very mumsnetty 😟

this is getting very mumsnetty 😟

Oh, no 😲

It is sad to feel that someone who has been in your life for 12 years has never liked you. I would find that vey difficult.

In February each year, I send out a message to all five of my adult children saying they are NOT to spend their hard-earned money on over=priced flowers or any other gifts because one day has been marketed as Mothers Day.

They all send me cards, and I also get a phone call from each of them that day, as I do on 25th December and my birthday.

Talk to them all on the 'phone quite regularly rest of the year and they all usually manage to get down to see me once or twice a year.

All I want from their partners is for them to make my children happy - not interested in their relationship with me!!!

I adore my children, am so very proud as to how well they have all done, BUT do think that the focus of their lives should be their own children.

My grandchildren have never been more important to me than my own children. I talk to me children about them and send usual pressies, etc. But they are NOT my children.

In a couple of months time I will be celebrating my 85th birthday and the whole extended family will attend - 34 people. I have made it quite clear - NO presents, just their presence is required. That is my own personal day.

If any of my kids delivered my MD card /gift ON MY DOORSTEP, I'd find such economy of their time and attention rude and dismissive.

Your daughter was rude to her mother.

Her husband is not your child, you're not his mother.

Bloody phones and I don’t know why people are making excuses for such ill mannered behaviour. I’d be miffed myself and would tell my daughter what I thought about her ignorant husband.

My DD lavishes me with Mother’s Day gifts, but my DS doesn’t mark it, as he doesn’t go along with anything he thinks promotes commercialism. However I know for a fact he would never sit in a car on his phone when visiting someone.

butterandjam

If any of my kids delivered my MD card /gift ON MY DOORSTEP, I'd find such economy of their time and attention rude and dismissive.

Your daughter was rude to her mother.

Her husband is not your child, you're not his mother.

That the daughter handed the Mother's Day gifts over at the door isn't a problem to the OP. She was working from home and was fine about that arrangement, no doubt they spend a lot of time together apart from this. The thread was about how upset the OP was that during the exchange with her daughter, her son-in-law sat in the car, just feet away, head down, glued to his mobile phone, and didn't even have the courtesy to look up and smile or wave an acknowledgement to his mother-in-law - totally ignorant and bad mannered 😡.

That was a lovely well timed post TheSunRisesInTheEast.
The one with the flowers.

TheSunRisesInTheEast

butterandjam

If any of my kids delivered my MD card /gift ON MY DOORSTEP, I'd find such economy of their time and attention rude and dismissive.

Your daughter was rude to her mother.

Her husband is not your child, you're not his mother.

That the daughter handed the Mother's Day gifts over at the door isn't a problem to the OP. She was working from home and was fine about that arrangement, no doubt they spend a lot of time together apart from this. The thread was about how upset the OP was that during the exchange with her daughter, her son-in-law sat in the car, just feet away, head down, glued to his mobile phone, and didn't even have the courtesy to look up and smile or wave an acknowledgement to his mother-in-law - totally ignorant and bad mannered 😡.

TheSunRisesInTheEast It was totally this yes Thankyou. It has nothing to do with my MH issue as brought up on here from a previous post. A simple wave would have been lovely. If this has taught me anything it’s dont ever share a problem on here again

Please don't give up sharing your problems on here, some people reply with odd and unkind ideas, but most people will offer support and kindness, please try to ignore the nasties, just as you would in real life 💐x

Doodledog

It doesn't really matter whether it would bother other posters, it bothered the OP, and I think that dragging up previous posts about her MH is horrible.

I'm sorry it put a downer on your day, OP. I hope you've been able to take a step back now and aren't so hurt. Maybe your SIL knew you'd be working and wouldn't have time to chat, so left it to your daughter?

👏👏👏

TheSunRisesInTheEast

Please don't give up sharing your problems on here, some people reply with odd and unkind ideas, but most people will offer support and kindness, please try to ignore the nasties, just as you would in real life 💐x

I don’t think some mean to be nasty, maybe thoughtless and too blunt.

But I certainly agree with continuing to post and to ignore any replies which are rude or upsetting

I had card and flowers delivered by Moonpig - they only live 4 miles away.

I'm sorry about that, crazyH, that's thoughtless and impersonal. I'm not one for Moonpig, there are some beautiful cards in the shops and it means more to me to receive a handwritten card than a printed one. Did they explain their no-show? You have every right to feel hurt about that 💐.

crazyH

I had card and flowers delivered by Moonpig - they only live 4 miles away.

My mum was upset that my daughter (her granddaughter) sent her a Moonpig card.

But, and this is where my thoughts might help, crazyH, the card she got was much more personal than a shop-bought one with a mass-produced picture and the same verse as thousands of other mothers will have got. Hers had a photo of herself on the front, and a personalised message inside, as did mine, which was different from my mum's. Moonpig (and similar) cards may not be hand delivered, but they take a lot more time to choose than Hallmark ones. I love getting them from my children, as I appreciate the thought that goes into them. They are like a fancier version of the ones they used to make me as actual children.

I would shout out " Hi Xxx on your phone again? "