Going Dutch

Is it possible to ask the server for separate checks when ordering?

It varies according to which group of friends I'm with. The best way is with the group where one person pays with her card then works out what we all owe from the receipt and puts the sums on our WhatsApp group. We all transfer the money to her account, usually on the same day, or the following one if it's been an evening out. We agree the tip before leaving, and that is split between us too. She's very efficient, and posts a photo of the receipt and a total of the various sums so we can see that they tally (not that I would doubt her). She used to work in accounts 😀

In another group one person always insists on splitting. Whilst I know it's easier and less messy, I don't drink and the others have wine and often cocktails, which I subsidise. I grit my teeth and pay, but what really irritates is when we go back to the nearest house to wait for lifts home there is always at least one who's had enough to drink and says 'Oh, I'm ok thanks. I'll just have a glass of Doodle's alcohol free wine', and pours herself a huge one, which leaves me short of that, too😡. We've known each other since schooldays, and only get together every three months or so, so I won't say anything, as I wouldn't like to risk losing touch. I think people often don't consider 'pretend' wine as worth thinking about, but it can cost a lot more than cheap alcoholic wine, and regardless, if that's all I want to drink and there's only one bottle they should have water or bring their own if they've overdone it.

The same happens when I go to friends' houses. When they come to me I provide more than enough wine, plus alcohol free for me, with enough of that to cover any drivers and/or people taking medication or whatever. When I go to their houses they have wine or water, or sometimes offer squash. I am not a child - they know I drink 0% G%T or alcohol free wine, but never provide it. I wouldn't mind if they didn't know, but I'm talking about people I meet monthly, have known for decades, and other than high days and holidays I haven't drunk alcohol for nearly ten years.

What I hate most is when a larger group of people , generally family, eat out and someone ( nearly always used to be my late DH) will get up and pay and then several people who had all been holding back suddenly start saying things like they were just about to get the bill when in fact they were not. My DH couldn't stand all this and so would just discreetly go and pay.
Family can be the worst.

I was interested to read this thread, as I often come home after a get together with three very good friends, all of whom are very comfortably off. I would be on a tighter budget! The problem is the opposite of those of previous posters, in that we constantly fight to be allowed pay the bill! If it’s a meal, we generally split it in four amicably - one pays and the others transfer by Revolut (an account with which I eventually persuaded them to open!) it’s so handy. But for frequent coffees, maybe three times a week as we’re all involved with same hobby, one of the others often “wins the battle” over paying for all. I feel embarrassed and a bit irritated that they often don’t let me take my turn….But I too, as PP said, absolutely hate women in a cafe fighting over bills as it seems so petty! Lots of places hate you queuing up to state what you had and paying separately, and I don’t really blame them.

We went out for brunch with a couple who I had only met once, my husband had played golf with him a couple of times and he asked my husband to go out with him and his wife, tbh there was something about the wife I wasn’t keen on.
Without us knowing he went and paid the bill which I don’t like as I felt beholden, he wouldn’t take money off us so I felt awful and knew we would have to go out with them again so that we could reciprocate.

I go out for lunch with 2 friends. We round the bill up with a decent tip then split it 3 equal ways and all pay by card at the bar.

If we go out for just coffee we take it in turns to pay for everybody .

I do the same thing when I go to stay with one friend who lives away or she stays with me . We never feel awkward, we’ve always done it

Witzend

I regularly have lunch with 2 ex colleagues. We invariably split the bill 3 ways, cash, and top up with a tip.

TBH it’s about the only time I pay with cash nowadays, except for the window cleaner.

Good idea 👍🏻

icanhandthemback

As a group, we decided that we would decide how we would pay before we ordered. Personally I like to pay for what I have plus a tip. I don't drink alcohol and most restaurants only do Diet Coke (too much caffeine) or slimline tonic (Ugh) so I usually have tap water. As a diabetic I don't often have a dessert either. I got fed up with paying far more than my share but one member of the group who has a very rich husband would insist we split the bill equally. I shared my thoughts to one of the group who I am particularly close to and she mooted that we decide before we order how to split the bill. I feel much happier about that now.

& that is why he’s rich 😂 ichtb.
My friend started to order double spirits.. she said I might as well get my money’s worth. I said ‘you don’t get it’, that it was further shoving up our bill 🤦‍♀️

I have a friend I'm often out with for coffee or a meal and a while ago she said "It's easier if we just each get our own rather than me trying to remember whether it's my turn or not" which I think is quite a good way of raising and dealing with the dilemma.

It was a relief for me TBH because she usually has a main meal for lunch as she's on her own, and I have something light because I have my main meal with OH in the evening.

I normally split the bill equally when out with friends or family. Although
If some people aren’t drinking , we tot up the food and alcohol separately. It’s the only fair way .
If meeting for just for coffee , one person might pay and the others transfer the money .
I was recently on a hen do and the phrase‘I’ll Revolut you ‘ was a constant during the day . Luckily I do have Revolut.

I started meeting up with a very old friend who on the first occasion insisted on picking up the bill . I personally always prefer to go Dutch. I always remember the next time it will be my turn . Fair enough but after a few times when it all seemed to be working well , it was their turn and they disappeared to the loo. The bill appeared and sat there , the waiter came over 2 or 3 times and guess what , they were still in the loo . It was getting embarrassing so I had to pay it . I brushed it off but it happened again . Coincidence? I'm not in a rush to meet again unless we definitely go Dutch .

knspol

What I hate most is when a larger group of people , generally family, eat out and someone ( nearly always used to be my late DH) will get up and pay and then several people who had all been holding back suddenly start saying things like they were just about to get the bill when in fact they were not. My DH couldn't stand all this and so would just discreetly go and pay.
Family can be the worst.

I’m the same as him. I find the ‘who had a coffee brigade’ embarrassing. I paid for the whole families meal once when they were expecting to pay for themselves, I put a plate on the table and said ‘the bills paid but please put something on the plate for a tip’ the meanest was unbelievable some put £2 pound for a couple on it. I was so embarrassed I added more.