Husband I think is looking for divorce after 50 years.

Fancy that. Don’t you believe it ‼️

I do know what a narcissist is my mother was one. She caused so much havoc and pain for her family.

What Hurt is him saying that I've turned into my mother. As far as I know you can't turn into a narcissist, you're born that way.

The term narcissist is overused. Genuine narcissistic personality disorder needs to be professionally diagnosed.

Narcissism exists in all of us to a greater or lesser degree. We can all seem self-absorbed at times and arrogant.

It doesn’t solve anything in this situation to be labelling one another.

You said yourself this could be sorted out amicably if he decides he wants out. You haven’t described a happy marriage so I’m struggling to understand why you want to hold onto him.

You can’t be so much younger than him if you have state pension, at most, nine years younger.

As others have said, see a solicitor to discuss your legal and financial rights and if you are genuinely scared of him and his mental state speak to the police. They will remove his guns.

It is bandied about too easily, we discussed this on another thread recently, probably better to talk of "tendencies" on the whole unless it's a professional opinion.

So - don't let him pin a label on you, either

and phone that solicitor.

Your marriage sounds absolutely terrible.
I think that you are afraid of him .
I understand.
When he's out on one of his walks -do some research on his finances.
But be careful.
Have you got a good friend to help and advise you ?
Don't forget -you are fully entitled to half.

I think you know your marriage is over welshmist in all but name. Just the how and when to sort out now. Sorry for you.
💐

Oreo

He sure doesn’t sound irresistible weight or no weight 😁
Get your bags packed.

You think 😂 I thought he sounded like a catch 🤦🏼‍♀️

Welshmist, carry on regardless, he is not much of a catch, if he wants to move out you stay put, its half yours, lead your own life, let your new hips take you out and about. I mean this I think better on your own than with a miserable old man if he goes you will be free.

Speak to your adult children quietly about your stress at home and his memory loss and temper.

It is better they understand what you are dealing with I think.

What an awful situation, I wouldn’t be hanging on to him. Why would you hang around waiting while he loses weight, definitely not !
See a solicitor ASAP get paper copies of everything your solicitor will need them.
Why not ask him to leave ? Seems like he’s got one foot out of the door already. Horrible man.

Vicious old man syndrome. I have seen this in action before. They will do and say everything to demolish the wife because they have not turned out in life to be who they thought they would be. They blame her for everything but fail to look at themselves and are too stubborn/blind to see what the truth/reality really is. It could also be early onset dementia. Please look after yourself whatever choices you make. You do not deserve this or need it for the rest of your life. It will only get worse.

I am in complete agreement with HeavenLeigh. Your husband's behaviour sounds like early dementia.

I would recommend that you talk to a solicitor as soon as possible. I do not mean that you instigate any action of any kind, but you need to know exactly what the legal situation is, should you need to take any action. He may recommend that you see a financial advisor as well.

The big plus on your side is that you run the money side of everything and presumably control all the documents. If your your husband is thinking he is going to walk off with all the money and leave you with nothing then he is already in cloud cuckoo land, whether he has dementia or not. Not to mention thinking that women will run after a wizened 75 year impotent old man just because he thinks he is rich and has lost weight

How can you be much younger if he is 75 and you've been married 50 years ?

Also 250k is not great wealth between 2 people ??
I'm not understanding all this.
You sound more attached to the house and willing to put up with anything to stay there. ?
So if that's your choice you can't really complain about him. Because you could leave.
Legally split and get your share of the assets.
Or wait for him to pass away and inherit more than you'd get in a divorce ??

My husband had vascular dementia and what you are saying sounds very familiar. Is he finding it difficult to make mental maps, see if you can go somewhere new and ask him to find the car. Is he struggling with how to work electronic equipment that he would not have struggled with previously? If this is a change from is usual behaviour, call dementia helpline. I didn't find them until after my husband of 42 years was sectioned under the mental health act and I was close to hating him. My GP was useless don't let them fob you off with the 10 question test - it's pointless and if he has vascular dementia he'll be looking for people to 'trick him'. It is an awful illness and my heart goes out to you. You will lose him twice. You need to get yourself safe, physically and financially. For what you had together you should get him help too, if he'll let you.

Is he safe to be still holding a gun license? That’s what immediately jumps out to me.
I would definitely be talking to a solicitor asap as it doesn’t sound like the situation is going to improve, maybe there’s a way you could stay put and he could be forced to move out.
You shouldn’t put up with the threat of violence and being scared in your own home - you said he has been violent previously but you just didn’t report it.

Way back in 2017, welshmist, you were indicating that your DH had anger issues and was always unreasonably blaming you.
Very controlling, even then.
www.gransnet.com/forums/aibu/1235082-worried-about-safety-re-DH-and-grandchildren

Moving on after nearly 10 years, you are still suffering.

Please heed the advice of others on here.

Ring women's aid.

Consult family law solicitor

ixion

Way back in 2017, welshmist, you were indicating that your DH had anger issues and was always unreasonably blaming you.
Very controlling, even then.
www.gransnet.com/forums/aibu/1235082-worried-about-safety-re-DH-and-grandchildren

Moving on after nearly 10 years, you are still suffering.

Please heed the advice of others on here.

Goodness. I wrote that nearly a decade ago. It's sobering and depressing. I've been walking on eggs for so long. I've lost count how many times I have had to prevent him from interfering in three relationships his offspring have with their partners whenever he doesn't approve. He's very critical of my DILs at times.

He's better with the grandchildren now they're much older. Enjoys their company.

I can't get into his phone he deletes his history daily.

I giggle a bit now he's got a tan will only wear white tee shirts. Socks and shorts to show off the tan I suppose. Does he see the thinning hair, the bad teeth. I don't know.

Maybe he's joined a tennis club?

If this has been steadily getting worse it won't get easier.

Please take advice and at least discuss your concerns with a solicitor.

Gather your documents, consult a solicitor, 'Ducks in a Row'.

I have to gather all the documents soon to do his tax return. So that bits easy. I need to find a solicitor. We've always used his family's. I know anyway they don't do divorce. I have to find a good one that isn't local preferably.