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Husband told adult daughter he loves her

(66 Posts)
Redsmudgy Sat 25-Jan-20 12:25:48

We have been married 49 years and in all that time he has never told me he loves be. Today on the phone my husband said to our daughter "bye, love you". I am probably being silly but I feel very hurt by this.

Marilla Sat 25-Jan-20 12:32:03

Have you told your husband that you love him?
Perhaps he shows his love in other ways? Is he a kind and generous man?

Fiachna50 Sat 25-Jan-20 12:49:02

You need to talk to him. How on earth did you ever get together if you never told each other you love each other? Say it now, before it's too late.

glammanana Sat 25-Jan-20 13:02:20

Do you tell him you love and care for him I wonder ? my husband and I told each other every day one way or another,when going out we would always say "see you later love you" on going out the door,he called this the very last time he spoke to me on the day he sadly died.
Talk to him and get things put in order before its too late.

blondenana Sat 25-Jan-20 13:12:41

Maybe he finds it easier to say in a phone call, would he have said that to her face to face?
Some men don't like to show their feelings or find it hard to face to face

MissAdventure Sat 25-Jan-20 13:15:33

I would tell my daughter I loved her, more than I told my mum or anyone else.

Simply because my daughter was far more likely to say it to me. I'm not naturally a person to say it; it wouldn't really occur to me.

silverlining48 Sat 25-Jan-20 13:38:53

You might want to ask him, why not, but many years ago a friend asked her husband if he loved her, they were young and in love (or so she thought), and was knocked sideways when he answered ‘as a matter of fact I don’t think I do’.
I am sure this won’t be the same with you of course, but it’s not what my poor friend was expecting.

Redsmudgy Sat 25-Jan-20 13:40:39

Thank you for all your replies. His father was the same. Even when he was dying he never told his wife he loved her. I know that communication is a big problem in our relationship but he is a good companion which is important to me.

MissAdventure Sat 25-Jan-20 13:41:40

That's just knocked me sideways, too, although you have to admire him for his honesty.

Did they stay together?

MissAdventure Sat 25-Jan-20 13:44:15

RedSmudgy
It really is so difficult to say these kind of things if it doesn't come naturally.

Please don't think that its the love that's missing, just the ability to put it into words.

timetogo2016 Sat 25-Jan-20 13:46:01

He may well find it embarrassing to say it to your face some men are like that .
I bet he doesn`t say it to her face.
I would tell him you love him and see what he says.

BlueBelle Sat 25-Jan-20 13:47:23

Gosh if you don’t know he loves you without words after 49 years there’s a big problem if this has bothered you you should have asked him 48/9 years ago
We weren’t a family to be saying it all the time but my mum and dad knew I loved them by my actions and I knew they loved me
many people say it automatically .... ‘love you‘ and obviously there’s no depth to it
I don’t mean to sound harsh but in answer to your question ‘yes you are being silly’ but is there something else going on that is making you feel so insecure have a good think as after all those years together this isn’t the way to feel over a couple of words

grandtanteJE65 Sat 25-Jan-20 13:48:43

After many years of marriage, my mother (I have the story from her) asked my father if he loved her, as he never said so.

Daddy's reply, "I said I loved you when I asked you to marry me. If I had changed my mind, I would have told you."

My mother didn't find the answer very satisfactory. I asked her what she had expected after 40 years of marriage.

lucywinter Sat 25-Jan-20 13:49:09

Oh God! I know what you mean. I remember my DH went on a business trip to France once, and had the gall to tell me he had presented the hotel receptionist with a red rose. As he had never done anything that romantic towards me, all he'll let loose.

Suppose it's different with a daughter though. Of course he loves her. And people do tend to tack that on the end of phone calls these days.

lucywinter Sat 25-Jan-20 13:49:33

all hell

sarahellenwhitney Sat 25-Jan-20 13:49:34

My late DH could not show his feeling for me in words.
His actions and what he would do for his diva of a grinwife showed more than words ever could.

lucywinter Sat 25-Jan-20 13:52:19

I remember I told my elder daughter in a text once that I loved her. (Think I must have been missing her) Next thing she was on the phone to younger daughter asking if I was ok. I think she thought I was dying. hmm

MissAdventure Sat 25-Jan-20 13:54:04

grin
I'm quite envious of people who can freely say it.

Greenfinch Sat 25-Jan-20 14:52:40

I agree with BlueBelle. It is common to say it at the end of a phone call and often it has no depth. It is like saying "have a nice day". I dislike hearing it because to me it sounds insincere.Love is shown by actions rather than words in my opinion.

rafichagran Sat 25-Jan-20 15:02:53

Please do not worry, my partner never says this to me, but when I have needed him he has always been there, does alot for me, and once bought me a present which took him alot of time on trains because the only store that had one was miles away.
Words may not be said but deeds count.

welbeck Sat 25-Jan-20 15:22:38

you know what kind of person he is.
could you write him a note to say how much you love him, and appreciate all the care and support he has shewn you all the years, and indeed the faithfulness.
such a long marriage is rare indeed, esp now when divorce is no longer frowned upon.
maybe send it in the post to him, and arrange to be out when it arrives, but not for long, in case he gets worried.

silverlining48 Sat 25-Jan-20 15:52:13

MissA, they were living abroad at the time and he was the love of her life. She came home and they divorced.
He went on to marry three more times, though when inevitably all broke down, tried to get back with my friend, who very sensibly showed him the door.

Notthatoldyet9 Sun 26-Jan-20 09:19:58

Jealous of his love for your daughter
When you have had him for 49 years
Yes
YABU big time
Perhaps he is just thinking she will be chosing his care home ...

endlessstrife Sun 26-Jan-20 09:26:59

Yes, it’s normal for him to say he loves his daughter, but how have you got this far without it being said to you? Do you tell him you love him? You must have said something to each other in the early days. Talk about it now while you still can.

Oldwoman70 Sun 26-Jan-20 09:34:50

My DH and I rarely said those three little words. Then when he received his diagnosis we found ourselves saying it several times a day to each other, they were the last words he said to me.

Tell him you love him, as one day you may not be able to